Common Traits & Behaviors of Personality-Disordered Individuals

Introduction

Every relationship between a Personality-Disordered Individual and a Non Personality-Disordered Individual is as unique as the DNA of the people involved. Nevertheless, there are some common behavior patterns associated with personality disorders, some of which you may recognize in your own situation. Some of them are described here.

Please note that these descriptions are not intended for any kind of diagnosis or evaluation. No one person exhibits all of these traits and people who do not have personality disorders also exhibit some of these behaviors from time to time. These descriptions are offered in the hope that Non-PD's who read them might recognize their own situation and discover that they are not alone.

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List of Common Traits & Behaviors of Personality-Disordered Individuals

1. The Abusive Cycle
2. Alienation
3. Always & Never Statements
4. Anger (PD)
5. Avoidance
6. Baiting
7. Blaming
8. Bullying
9. Catastrophizing
10. Chaos Manufacture
11. Cheating
12. Circular Conversations
13. Cognitive Dissonance
14. "Control Me" Syndrome
15. Denial
16. Dependency
17. Depression
18. Dissociation - Feelings Create Facts
19. Domestic Theft
20. Emotional Blackmail
21. Engulfment
22. Entitlement
23. Escape To Fantasy
24. False Accusations & Distortion Campaigns
25. Favoritism
26. Fear Of Abandonment
27. Frivolous Litigation & Lawsuits
28. Gaslighting
29. Harassment
30. High-Functioning
31. Holiday, Anniversary & Memory Triggers
32. Hoovering
33. Hysteria
34. Hyper Vigilance
35. Identity Disturbance
36. Imposed Isolation
37. Impulsiveness & Impulsivity
38. Infantilization
39. Lack of Conscience
40. Lack of Object Constancy
41. Low-Functioning
42. Low Self-Esteem
43. Mirroring
44. Moments of Clarity
45. Mood Swings
46. Munchausen's & Munchausen By Proxy Syndrome
47. Narcissism
48. No-Win Scenarios
49. Objectification
50. Panic Attacks
51. Parental Alienation
52. Parentification
53. Passive Aggressive Behavior
54. Pathological Lying
55. Perfectionism
56. Projection
57. Proxy Recruitment
58. Push-Pull Behavior
59. Raging, Violence & Impulsive Aggression
60. Riding The Emotional Elevator
61. Sabotage
62. Scapegoating
63. Selective Memory & Selective Amnesia
64. Selective Competence
65. Self-Aggrandizement
66. Self-Harm
67. Self-Loathing
68. Self-Victimization
69. Shaming and Invalidation
70. Situational Ethics
71. Splitting - Idealization and Devaluation
72. Stalking
73. Testing
74. Thought Policing
75. Threats
76. Triggering
77. Tunnel Vision

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Abusive Cycle - The Abusive Cycle describes the characteristic rotation between destructive and constructive behavior that typically exists in dysfunctional relationships and dysfunctional families.

Alienation - Alienation means interfering with, or cutting a person off from, relationships with others. This can be done by manipulating the attitudes and behaviors of the victim or of the people with whom they come in contact. The victim's relationships with others may be sabotaged through verbal pressure, threats, diversions, distortion campaigns and systems of rewards and punishments.

"Always" & "Never" Statements - "Always" & "Never" Statements are statements containing the words "always" or "never". They are commonly used but rarely true.

Anger (PD) - Anger is what you feel when you don't get what you think you deserve. Because they have strong emotional reactions to events, which they may regard as appropriate while others disregard them, people who suffer from personality disorders often feel a sense of unresolved anger over percieved ways they may feel they have been wronged, invalidated, neglected or abused.

Avoidance - Avoidance is the practice of withdrawing from relationships with other people as a defensive measure to reduce the risk of rejection, accountability, criticism or exposure.

Baiting & Picking Fights - Baiting is the practice of generating a provocative action or statement for the purpose of obtaining an angry, aggressive or emotional response from another person.

Blaming - Blaming is the practice of identifying a person or people responsible for creating a problem, rather than identifying ways of dealing with the problem.

Bullying - Bullying is any systematic action of hurting a person from a position of relative physical, social, economic or emotional strength.

Catastrophizing - Catastrophizing is the habit of automatically assuming a "worst case scenario" and inappropriately characterizing minor or moderate problems or issues as catastrophic events.

Chaos Manufacture - Chaos Manufacture is the practice of unnecessarily creating or maintaining an environment of risk, destruction, confusion or mess.

Cheating - Cheating is sharing a romantic or intimate relationship with somebody when you are already committed to a monogamous relationship with someone else.

Circular Conversations - Circular Conversations are arguments which go on almost endlessly, repeating the same patterns with no real resolution.

Cognitive Dissonance - Cognitive Dissonance is a psychological term for the discomfort that most people feel when they encounter information which contradicts their existing set of beliefs or values. People who suffer from personality disorders often experience cognitive dissonance when they are confronted with evidence that their actions have hurt others or have contradicted their stated morals.

"Control-Me" Syndrome - "Control-Me" Syndrome describes a tendency that some abuse victims and some people who suffer from personality disorders have to nurture relationships with people who have a controlling narcissistic, antisocial or "acting-out" nature.

Denial (PD) - Denial is believing or imagining that some factual reality, circumstance, feeling or memory does not exist or did not happen.

Dependency - Dependency is an inappropriate and chronic reliance by one adult individual on another for their health, subsistence, decision making or personal and emotional well- being.

Depression (PD) - When you feel sadder than you think you should, for longer than you think you should - but still can't seem to break out of it - that's depression.

Dissociation- Dissociation, or disassociation, is a psychological term used to describe a mental departure from reality.

Domestic Theft -Domestic theft is consuming or taking control of a resource or asset belonging to (or shared with) a family member, partner or spouse without first obtaining their approval.

Emotional Blackmail - Emotional Blackmail describes the use of a system of threats and punishments on a person by someone close to them in an attempt to control their behaviors.

Engulfment - Engulfment is an unhealthy and overwhelming level of attention and dependency on a spouse, partner or family member, which comes from imagining or believing that one exists only within the context of that relationship.

Entitlement - Entitlement or a 'Sense of Entitlement' is an unrealistic, unmerited or inappropriate expectation of favorable living conditions and favorable treatment at the hands of others.

Escape To Fantasy - Escape to Fantasy is sometimes practiced by people who routinely shun transparency with others and present a facade to friends, partners and family members. Their true identity and feelings are commonly expressed privately in an alternate fantasy world.

False Accusations - False accusations, distortion campaigns & smear campaigns are patterns of unwarranted or exaggerated criticisms which occur when a personality disordered individual tries to feel better about themselves by putting down someone else - usually a family member, spouse, partner, friend or colleague.

Favoritism - Favoritism is the practice of systematically giving positive, preferential treatment to one child, subordinate or associate among a group of peers.

Fear of Abandonment - Fear of abandonment and irrational jealousy is a phobia, sometimes exhibited by people with personality disorders, that they are in imminent danger of being rejected, discarded or replaced at the whim of a person who is close to them.

Frivolous Litigation and Frivolous Lawsuits - Frivolous Litigation and Frivolous Lawsuits are methods of withholding support, harassing or prolonging conflict by bringing unsubstantiated accusations, meritless appeals or diversionary process into a relationship or a former relationship using the court system as a proxy.

Gaslighting - Gaslighting is the practice of brainwashing or convincing a mentally healthy individual that they are going insane or that their understanding of reality is mistaken or false. The term "Gaslighting" is based on the 1944 MGM movie “Gaslight”.

Harassment - Harrassment is any sustained or chronic pattern of unwelcome behavior from one individual to another.

High-Functioning - A High-Functioning Personality-Disordered Individual is one who is able to conceal their dysfunctional behavior in certain public settings and maintain a positive public or professional profile while exposing their negative traits to family members behind closed doors.

Holiday, Anniversary & Memory Triggers - Mood Swings in personality disordered individuals are often triggered or amplified by emotional events such as family holidays, significant anniversaries and events which trigger emotional memories.

Hoovers & Hoovering - A Hoover is a metaphor, taken from the popular brand of vacuum cleaners, to describe how an abuse victim, trying to assert their own rights by leaving or limiting contact in a dysfunctional relationship gets "sucked back in" when the perpetrator temporarily exhibits improved or desirable behavior.

Hyper Vigilance - Hyper Vigilance is the practice of maintaining an unhealthy level of interest in the behaviors, comments, thoughts and interests of others.

Hysteria - Hysteria is inappropriate over-reaction to bad news or disappointments, which diverts attention away from the problem and towards the person who is having the reaction.

Identity Disturbance - Identity disturbance is a psychological term used to describe a distorted or inconsistent self-view.

Impulsiveness and Impulsivity - Impulsiveness - or Impulsivity - is the tendency to act or speak based on current feelings rather than logical reasoning.

Infantilization - Infantilization is the practice of treating a child as if they are much younger than their actual age.

Imposed Isolation - Isolation from friends, family, peers and supportive communities is common among victims of abuse. Isolation is sometimes caused by a person who has a personality disorder who does not want someone close to them having close relationships with others. Isolation can also be self-imposed by abuse victims, who out of a sense of shame, fear, or guilt fear the consequences of what might happen if outsiders learn too much.

Lack of Conscience - Conscience is an innate sense of what is morally or ethically right and wrong, often used as a guide of what is appropriate behavior. A weak conscience or a lack of conscience is characteristic in a number of personality disorders.

Lack of Object Constancy - Object Constancy is a psychological term used to describe the ability to think of other people or objects as "still there", even when they are out of your immediate field of vision. Object constancy is a developmental skill which most children develop at about age 2-3. A lack of object constancy is a symptom of some personality disorders.

Low-Functioning - A Low-Functioning Personality-Disordered Individual is one who is unable to conceal their dysfunctional behavior from public view or maintain a positive public or professional profile.

Low Self-Esteem - Low Self-Esteem is a common name for a negatively-distorted self-view which is inconsistent with reality. People who have low self-esteem often see themselves as unworthy of being successful in personal and professional settings and in social relationships. They may view their successes and their strenghts in a negative light and believe that others see them in the same way. As a result, they may develop an avoidance strategy to protect themselves from criticism.

Mirroring - Mirroring is a term which describes imitating or copying another person's characteristics, behaviors or traits.

Moments Of Clarity - Moments of Clarity are spontaneous, temporary periods when a person with a personality disorder is able to see beyond their own world view and can, for a brief period, understand, acknowledge, articulate and begin to make amends for their dysfunctional behavior.

Mood Swings - Mood swings are unpredictable rapid, dramatic cycles of mood which can not be readily explained by changes in external circumstances.

Munchausen's and Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome (MBPS) - Munchausen's Syndrome is a disorder in which an individual repeatedly fakes or exaggerates their own illness or medical symptoms in order to manipulate the attentions of medical professionals or personal caregivers. Munchausen By Proxy Syndrome (MBPS) or Munchausen's Syndrome By Proxy (MSBP) is a form of child abuse in which a parent systematically manufactures, fabricates or exaggerates the appearance of illness in a child in order to draw attention to themselves, elevate their own importance and manipulate the attentions of caregivers and medical professionals.

Narcissism - Narcissism is a term used to describe a set of behaviors characterized by a pattern of grandiosity, self-centered focus, need for admiration, self-serving attitude and a lack of empathy or consideration for others. The name comes from the Greek Mythological Character Narcissus, who rejected love from others and fell in love with his own reflection in the water. These characteristics are common in people who suffer from Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).

No-Win Scenarios - No-Win Scenarios and Lose-Lose Scenarios are situations commonly created by people who suffer from personality disorders where they present two bad options to someone close to them and pressure them into choosing between the two. This usually leaves the non-personality-disordered person with a "damned if you do and damned if you don't" feeling.

Objectification - Objectification is the practice of treating a person or a group of people like an object.

Panic Attacks - Panic Attacks are short intense episodes of fear or anxiety, often accompanied by physical symptoms.

Parental Alienation Syndrome - Parental Alienation Syndrome is a term which is used to describe the process by which one parent, who is typically divorced or separated from the other biological parent, uses their influence to make a child believe that the other estranged parent is bad, evil or worthless.

Parentification - Parentification is a form of role reversal, in which a child of a personality-disordered parent is inappropriately given the role of meeting the emotional or physical needs of the parent or of the other children.

Passive-Aggressive Behavior - Passive Aggressive behavior is the expression of negative feelings, resentment, and aggression in an unassertive, passive way (such as through procrastination and stubbornness).

Pathological Lying - Pathological lying is persistent lying in order to serve one's own needs or desires with little or no regard to the needs or concers of others. A pathological liar is a person who habitually lies to serve their own interests.

Perfectionism - Perfectionism is the practice of holding oneself or others to an unrealistic, unsustainable or unattainable standard of organization, order or accomplishment in one particular area of living, while sometimes neglecting common standards of organization, order or accomplishment in others.

Projection - Projection is the act of attributing one's own feelings or traits onto another person and imagining or believing that the other person has those same feelings or traits.

Proxy Recruitment - Proxy Recruitment is a way of controlling or abusing another person by manipulating other people into unwittingly backing you up, speaking for you or "doing your dirty work" for you.

Push-Pull - Push-Pull is a chronic pattern of sabotaging and re-establishing closeness a relationship without appropriate cause or reason.

Raging, Violence & Impulsive Aggression - Raging, Violence and Impulsive Aggression are unprovoked verbal or emotional attacks or elevations of a dispute, sometimes accompanied by violence or the destruction of property, which threaten the security or safety of another individual - or violates their personal boundaries.

Riding The Emotional Elevator - The Emotional Elevator is a way of describing how people who suffer from personality disorders and those closest to them sometimes take a fast track down to different levels of emotional maturity.

Sabotage - Sabotage is the impulsive disruption of a calm or harmonious status quo in a relationship or domestic situatuion, occasionally perpetrated by those with Personality Disorders, in order to serve a personal interest, to provoke a conflict or to draw attention to themselves.

Scapegoating - Scapegoating is the practice of singling out one child, employee or member of a group of peers for unmerited negative treatment or blame.

Selective Memory and Selective Amnesia - Selective Memory and Selective Amnesia is the use of memory, or a lack of memory, which is selective to the point of reinforcing a bias, belief or desired outcome.

Selective Competence - Selective Competence is demonstrating intelligence, resourcefulness, strength or competence in one setting or environment (for example, at work) and lack of the same qualities in another (such as in the home).

Self-Aggrandizement - Self-Aggrandizement is a pattern of pompous behavior, boasting, narcissism or competitiveness designed to create an appearance of superiority.

Self-Harm - Self Harm, also known as self-mutilation, self-injury or self-abuse is any form of deliberate, premeditated injury inflicted on oneself, common among adolescents and among people who suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder. Most common forms are cutting and poisoning/overdosing.

Self-Loathing - Self Loathing is an extreme self-hatred of one's own self, actions or one's ethnic or demographic background.

Self-Victimization - Self-Victimization, or "playing the victim" is the act of casting oneself as a victim in order to control others by soliciting a sympathetic response from them or diverting their attention away from abusive behavior.

Shaming - The difference between blaming and shaming is that in blaming someone tells you that you did something bad, in shaming someone tells you that you are bad. Invalidation is a form of Shaming.

Situational Ethics - Situational Ethics is a philosophy which promotes the idea that, when dealing with a crisis, the end justifies the means and that a rigid interpretation of the rules, laws and moral codes should be temporarily set aside if a greater good or lesser evil is served by doing so. Understanding situational ethics in the presence of dissociative thought sometimes explains the apparently unethical behavior of people who suffer from personality disorders.

Splitting - Splitting is the behavior of treating or thinking of people & situations as if they were completely "good" or completely "bad" and to occasionally switch between thinking of them as "all good" or "all bad".

Stalking - Stalking is any pervasive and unwelcome pattern of pursuing contact with another individual.

Testing - Testing is a common practice among people who suffer from personality disorders where a person close to them is put in the position of proving their love or commitment to the relationship by enduring a hardship, sacrificing a pleasure or treasured asset or foregoing a personal goal or ethic.

Thought Policing - Thought Policing is any process of trying to question, control, or unduly influence another persons thoughts or feelings.

Threats - Threats are written or verbal warnings of intentional, inappropriate, destructive actions or consequences.

Triggering -Triggers are small, insignificant or minor actions, statements or events that produce an inappropriately large response.

Tunnel Vision - Tunnel Vision is the habit or tendency to only see or focus on a single priority while neglecting or ignoring other important priorities.

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For More Information & Support

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Common Traits of People who Suffer from Personality Disorders

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