Infantilization - Infantilization is the practice of treating a child as if they are much younger than their actual age.
Description:
Some parents, who suffer from personality disorders, feel an overwhelming need to be loved or needed. Sometimes this can manifest itself in a dysfunctional way in the way they raise their children.
As children mature, they progressively develop an increased sense and capability of independence, eventually culminating in the tense years of adolescence. As children exert more and more independence they also seek to put distance between themselves and their parents and exert more control over their own choices.
For some parents, who suffer from a personality disorders, this process of developing independent thought, independent actions, different opinions, tastes, likes and dislikes can seem threatening, triggering a loss of self esteem or Fear of Abandonment in the parent. All parents naturally experience some stress through this process, but others who suffer from personality disorders may be prone to taking actions to systematically delay or hinder the natural maturation process.
A parent who routinely and voluntarily shares the same bed as their 10 year old child.
A parent who routinely speaks in a baby-style sing-song voice to a teenager
A parent who routinely assumes responsibility for an older child's well being, including dressing, bathing, feeding etc when the child can readily perform some or all of these actions unassisted.
A parent who routinely buys a child age-inappropriate clothing and toys or arranges age-inappropriate activities (movies, books etc.)
A parent who routinely and inappropriately cuts in and speaks for a child when someone else speaks directly to the child.
A parent who talks about their teenager in front of them as though they are not there.
What it Feels Like:
A child who is exposed to Infantilization may be inclined to try to "let it go" and not challenge a parent who is treating them in an age-inappropriate way, in order to keep the peace, developing techniques of Enabling and Learned Helplessness. Others may act out in anger or in actions of avoidance of their parent, or acts of sabotage.
Children who are infantilized into later years will often feel shame and embarrassment in front of their peers at the way they are treated in public by their parent. Some may begin to avoid friendships and social interaction because of this, further hindering their emotional development.
Children and youths who are infantilized may be at an increased risk of acts of Self Harm, Impulsiveness, academic difficulties and poor social skills in adulthood.
Sometimes, one parent will disapprove of another dysfunctional parent's infantilization, but will defer to their will, and allow the dysfunctional parent to have their way in an attempt to keep the peace and avoid conflict. This is a form of enabling.
Infantilization is a form of Child Abuse, akin to starving a Child's emotional development needs in favor of a dysfunctional parent's emotional need. There is no known legislation which outlaws infantilization. However, some observant child advocates, guardian ad litem's, therapists and evaluators may recognize infantilization and take it into account in their reporting and decision making.
Coping with Infantilization - What NOT to Do
Don't avoid a child who has been infantilized, or criticize them for being immature.
Don't make a special case for an infantilized child, or single them out in front of peers.
Don't criticize a child's parent in front of the child. They will think that you are criticizing them too.
Don't accept infantilization as normal, and "go with the flow". Don't immediately remove a task just because it is challenging. Give the child every opportunity to succeed and grow.
Don't go on a crusade or set rigid benchmarks for a child's emotional or physical development. You will only hurt the child. All children develop at different rates and not all cases of "late bloomers" are the result of infantilization. The goal is always to encourage each child to be the best that they can be.
Coping with Infantilization - What TO Do
If you suspect a child is being sexually or physically abused or neglected, report it to your local authorities.
Treat a child who is being infantilized in an age appropriate manner, and, if you are able provide them with opportunities to "flex their big kid muscles".
Give the child honest sincere encouragement (not fake praise) for any job well done.
For More Information & Support...
If you suspect you may have a family member or loved-one who suffers from a personality disorder, we encourage you to learn all you can and surround yourself with support as you learn how to cope.
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