The Non-PD "Toolbox" - The Non-PD "Toolbox" is a collection of ideas and responses to personality disordered behaviors that haveworked well in most cases.
Description:
Click on the links for more info on each topic:
Personal Safety - Personal Safety is a list of actions that are designed to keep situations from escalating and to make sure that Physical, Emotional and Verbal abuse is avoided or stopped at the first moment it begins to happen. It contains lists of 1. When to stop the conversation, 2. When to leave the room and 3. When to call the police.
Boundaries - Boundaries are guidelines, rules or limits that a person creates to identify for themselves what are reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave around them and how they will respond when someone steps outside those limits.
The 51% Rule - The 51% Rule says that we need to consider our own needs just a little more that those of others in order to be able to help them effectively.
No Contact (NC) - Going "No Contact" means cutting off all forms of correspondence, communication and personal contact with a person who suffers from a personality disorder in order to protect yourself from recurring abuse.
Put Children First - Put Children First means making decisions based on "what is in the best interests of the children", regardless of the consequences for the parents and any other parties involved.
Situational Ethics - Situational Ethics is a philosophy which promotes the idea that, when dealing with a crisis, the end justifies the means and that a rigid interpretation of rules and laws can be temporarily set aside if a greater good or lesser evil is served by doing so. However, situational ethics can be dangerous when combined with the distorted, crisis-prone thinking of those who suffer from personality disorders.
The 3 "C's" Rule- The 3 "C's" rule is a reminder to victim's of abuse that "I didn't Cause it, I can't Cure it and I can't Control it.
The 50% Rule- The 50% Rule says that we are responsible for 50% of the things that happen in any relationship we share with a person who suffers from a personality disorder.
The Clean Up Rule - The Clean Up Rule says that everybody gets to clean up their own messes. It is a principal that encourages us to take responsibility for dealing with our own messes and leave other people to clean up theirs.
Leaving Checklist - The Leaving Checklist is a list of things to prepare and things to consider before, during and after separating from a person who suffers from a personality disorder.
My Stuff/Your Stuff- My Stuff/Your Stuff is a thought technique of reminding yourself to separate what is really your responsibility, your concern and under your control and what is a personality-disordered individual's responsibility, concern and under their control.
Time Out - A Time-Out is a decision to temporarily disengage from an argument, conversation, interpersonal situation or conflict.
Therapy- Once they have learned to protect themselves and emotionally detach from the personality -disordered individuals in their lives, many Non-Personality Disordered Individuals (Non-PD's) find that they benefit from spending time with a good therapist where they can be encouraged, learn more about themselves and learn ways to work on themselves.
Get Support- It's important to find supportive people you can talk to on a regular basis who understand personality disorders and the the dynamics of being in a relationship with someone who suffers from a personality disorder.
Journaling - Journaling is a technique of writing down whatever thoughts and feelings come to mind on a topic without taking a break, stopping to think or slowing down to correct spelling & punctuation.
Make Good Choices - Choices are the opportunities we have to change things for the better - or worse.
Work On Yourself - Work On Yourself means taking your energy, time and focus off of the personality-disordered individual in your life and restoring a more healthy balance where you spend an appropriate amount of time on improving your own situation, regardless of what the person who suffers from the personality disorder does.
Rules Of Relationships - Rules of Relationships are a series of ideas for non-personality-disordered individuals to consider when thinking about getting involved in romantic relationships.
For More Information & Support...
If you suspect you may have a family member or loved-one who suffers from a personality disorder, we encourage you to learn all you can and surround yourself with support as you learn how to cope.
On Tuesday November 1, 2011, the Out of the FOG Website and Support Forum celebrates 4 years of providing information and support for those with a family member or loved-one who suffers from a personality disorder. Our site receives over 2 million hits per year and our support forum has received more than 68,000 posts from 2700 members. Thanks to all who support OOTF with your participation, time and gifts and help to make this unique community possible.
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