What is a Non-PD?

A collection of articles discussing what it feels like to have a relationship with a person who suffers from a personality disorder.

• Introduction to Non-PD's
• What it Feels Like to be a Non-PD
  • FOG - Fear, Obligation & Guilt
  • The 5 Stages of Grief
  • Adult Children

Introduction to Non-PD's

A Non (or Non-PD) is any person who has a family member, or is in a relationship with, a person who suffers from a personality disorder.

There are two broad categories of Non-PD:

Chosen - Chosen's are people who are in a marriage, partnership, romantic relationship or friendship with a person who suffers from a personality disorder. They are called "chosen" because they made a choice to enter into that relationship. Chosen's include husbands, wives, partners, boyfriends, girlfriends, and friends of a person who suffers from a personality disorder.

Unchosen - Unchosen's are people who are in a family relationship with a person who suffers from a personality disorder. they are called "unchosen" because they had no choice in entering into that relationship. Unchosen's include children, parents, siblings or relatives of a person who suffers from a personality disorder.

Unchosens and Chosen's sometimes have a hard time understanding each other. They sometimes face very different types of problems. Sometimes Unchosen's have a hard time understanding why chosen's remain in the relationships they are in for so long. Sometimes chosen's struggle to understand the anger that unchosens articulate towards their families. But there is much for unchosens and chosen's to learn from each other and there are many things that we share in common.

What it Feels Like to Be a Non-PD

FOG - Fear, Obligation & Guilt - The acronym FOG, for Fear, Obligation and Guilt, was first coined by Susan Forward & Donna Frazier in Emotional Blackmail and describes feelings that a person often has when in a relationship with someone who suffers from a personality disorder. Our website, Out of the FOG, is named after this acronym.

The 5 Stages of Grief - The 5 Stages of Grief - Denial, Bargaining, Anger, Depression & Acceptance - were first introduced by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross to describe a process which many people go through when dealing with a significant tragedy or loss.

Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) - Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is a psychological injury that results from prolonged exposure to social or interpersonal trauma, disempowerment, captivity or entrapment, with lack or loss of a viable escape route for the victim.

Adult Children - An adult child is a term commonly used to describe any grown adult who was exposed to emotional, physical or sexual abuse as a child.

Lightbulb Moment - A Lightbulb Moment is the description many non-personality-disordered individuals use when they first discover the existence of personality disorders and have, for the first time, a plausible explanation for the strange frightening behaviors of a loved-one or family member who suffers from a personality disorder and learn that their situation is not uncommon. It is as if a light were just turned on.

For More Information & Support...

If you suspect you may have a family member or partner who suffers from a personality disorder, we encourage you to learn all you can and surround yourself with support as you learn how to cope.

• Support Forum - Read real stories. Ask questions.
• Behaviors & Traits of people with PD's.
• Non-PD Toolbox - Coping ideas. Common mistakes.
• Personality Disorder Glossary - Learn the lingo.
• Links to PD- related sites.
• Books about personality disorders.

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