Out of the FOG

Coping with Personality Disorders => Separating & Divorcing => Topic started by: LightOrb on March 16, 2018, 12:19:34 AM

Title: He got my home address
Post by: LightOrb on March 16, 2018, 12:19:34 AM
I am seriously freaking out now. I realized my tax lawyer exposed my home address to uB xH, in one of the contracts he sent him to sign. For all that is sacred in the world, you'd think they would have more sense! They know I moved to the other coast, and 2 months ago I was almost in the other side of the world! Didn't they think that was, at the very least, curious?! They are tax lawyers, but they have worked in divorces before, so they know how bad things can be. And they are stupid like this?!

So now my home is not safe anymore. I can't move now, I need to wait until the contract expires in September, but I must move. All I can think is that now my home is not safe. He can come, send stuff. There are some events related to his job that could send him here. All I can think is that my home is not safe once again. And my freaking lawyers did it.
Title: Re: He got my home address
Post by: Funmum on March 16, 2018, 04:16:23 AM
I'm so sorry this has happened.
Yes they can be this ignorant, I would make it explicitly clear in future, put it in writing that this doesn't happen.
Remember though  this is YOUR home. HE doesn't have control over you anywhere, especially in your home. I know how this feels I remember  the horrendous fear and anxiety. There are locks on the doors and anything he sends you are in control of what you do with that. Contact the police, explain your  scared and ask that they have  a n alert put on your address and phone so if you call, without saying anything you will get a quick response. Try to keep telling yourself that you are in control of you and what you will and won't engage in. Nobody else. If he turns up coincidently give him no reaction. Act bored. Treat him like a stranger in the street. The first time he approaches you and doesn't leave you alone you contact the police.
I feel so sorry for where you are at just now. I kno that feeling of no power. You have more than you realise though.
You are doing great, keep going. Xxx
Title: Re: He got my home address
Post by: LightOrb on March 16, 2018, 03:16:14 PM
Thank you, Funmum, for helping me to see practical things I can do. However, I don't think I can talk to the police. I don't even know what I am so afraid of, and he has no record of violent behavior. I never told anybody he was abusive, because he was so much better than my uN F, that I didn't understand what he did to me until... probably until now, probably not even now. Last time I talked to uB M months ago, she kept insisting all men are like uN F and my xH.

But on the other hand, he knows my SSN. So the only thing keeping my address hidden from him was his lack of interest, and probably his belief that I am suffering because he is not with me, and because he is not doing anything for the divorce. So in truth, there has never been a way to escape. Which is making me extremely anxious. Perhaps I'll eventually need to leave this country as well.
Title: Re: He got my home address
Post by: Funmum on March 16, 2018, 08:00:19 PM
I COMPLETELY get how you are feeling.
I have times where I feel like this also. More often than I should. Is there something like a women's aid advice service you can speak to? They gave me counselling that understood the complexities of these relationships. They know exactly what you mean by being scared but not sure what of. They gave me a question sheet asking me how I feel around him. Not what he does but how I feel. This was very revealing. They won't say they can fix it. But they are there to help you feel less alone, believed, validated and help you gain your own power over you.
I understand though not being able to bring yourself to use them. I can't just now. Surviving is all I'm doing right now. But trying to make baby steps towards getting myself better. You have come so far. What I wouldn't give to have my own front door right now. Me stbx is back....Friday/Saturday is when he said he'd be back....to keep me on my toes, obviously he meant Friday. His stuff is all over the bedroom. light some candles. Find a good box set to get into. Eat food you like. Create a feeling of warmth in your home. Make it your nest. You lock the door and he can only come in if you let him. Do not let him. Tell yourself over and over I have the power not to let him. Sending you hugs. This is really hard. I'm sorry for how you feel. Xxx