Recent Posts

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Got a new text today. Omg. Does it stop?

I read it at least 4 times. It's like everything she said that I have been doing is EXACTLY WHAT she has been doing this entire time. I mean honest to god, the things she is accusing me of are things that she has done. I know that PD's flip the script but holy guacamole this is out of the park.

I am in shock honestly because now I am being told to "do the right thing and make some phone calls" because...

Guess what!!!

She LOVES all her grandchildren!!! And I AM the reason there is a division in the family.

Only me. Me. My fault.

All the grandchildren she loves so much??

You know the ones she disowned two days ago...my children.

The text is so full of shaming me. Apparently I am the sole reason that there is an issue in the family. The SOLE reason.

It is all me. My fault.

It goes as far as to say that no parent is perfect and that one day there will be a reckoning.

What in the actual hell!!!!

I am actually really pissed off right now.

Trying not to respond. Ugh... So sorry to vent. If I could just get to sleep...
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I have found that they use illness real or otherwise, for attention. I also find if you have an illness they have it too. They like to copy and and go one better. Everything is a competition. If you have arthritis they do too, if you have kidney problems they do too. Even though they absolutely do not. It is bizarre. I went to a hospital appointment with my ex, the same week his mother went to the hospital with him for an appointment. Suddenly the female friend came out of work needing to urgently go to the doctors. She got my ex to take her . He always picked her up from work. Apparently the doctor said she needed to go to the emergency room immediately and if she fell asleep on the way there they had to stop and call an ambulance. Does that sound likely? So my ex had to take her to the hospital. He had been there all day with his mother without any food. She was there until very late that night because of the wait time. Which also does not make sense if she was that ill. Apparently her husband was not able to come out of work to take his very sick wife to hospital which I find hard to believe. That is why it had to be my ex. They could not find anything wrong with her. We had an argument about her. The next day she got my ex to get her grandson from a neighbouring town and the following day he spent time taking  the grandson back. So she took our whole weekend away from us. Just for attention and not to be outdone.
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I was also dramatically discarded in a screaming voicemail.I was a ‘nasty piece of work’, ‘selfish beyond belief’ and should ‘keep away from her (my UPDM) and GC (UBPDS)’.

My primary emotion was relief.
 
Several weeks later I had another voicemail telling me to visit anytime and that she loved me.  :unsure:
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I have lots of pds in my extended family. Two sisters cousins of mine cheerfully recounted a story about spitting into someone's meal once. I used to be very sleepy after eating with first pd. Pd people are capable of anything. Keep away from this relative. Just because she is family does not mean she is safe.
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Dealing with PD In-Laws / Re: Are there no pd DIL posts?
« Last post by tea-lady on Today at 02:11:27 AM »
I think you are already doing the right thing by using medium chill and focusing on the children. I would give the children as much love and emotional support as I could. If their mother has a PD, they will have it tough. And it always helps a child to know that there is somebody who loves them as they are.

Thank-you, I miss them. I can't see them if she's punishing me cause I'm not controllable.
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Parents' Discussion / Re: Cause and Effect
« Last post by notrightinthehead on Today at 01:46:23 AM »
Sounds to me like you feel she does not love you and that you believe there are reasons for that. It appears that both of you had a difficult start in life and are dealing with it best you can. Being a mother myself, I know there is often a feeling of 'not having been good enough guilt' and that is probably correct as I for one, certainly could have been better. But that is in the past and there is nothing I can do about that. We can only deal with the now. And even if she was a defenseless poor little girl once, she is an adult now and she has a choice on how she behaves. And so do you.
Maybe you could consider this as the beginning of healing, you taking care of yourself in a sensible way, implementing boundaries, starting to protect yourself, respecting her choices and at the same time respecting yourself by setting clear rules what you are willing to tolerate and what consequences you will implement when your boundaries are transgressed.
Have you browsed the TOOLBOX? I have found so many helpful strategies there.
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Parents' Discussion / Re: 20-year old son diagnosed with OCPD
« Last post by notrightinthehead on Today at 01:32:56 AM »
MD if I understand you correctly, your sons' biggest problem is time keeping and procrastination? Maybe you could ask yourself these questions: What is your role in this set up? What have you tried and how successful has it been? What has the therapist suggested? Which boundaries have you implemented in the sense of consequences for your son when he transgresses reasonable rules of engagement? Is there any area in which he takes responsibility for himself? How are you dealing with the situation? How does it affect you?
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Usedup, what would you do if someone else came to your business and demanded to know whyyyy in front of customers? Call security? Call an ambulance since this person is clearly unstable? Are you ok with her behaviour depriving you of running your own little business? How can you implement boundaries? Sounds like your mum will behave any way she wants and you can do nothing about that. Is there any way you could accept that and still protect your own life and your own choices from her?
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Working on Us / Re: Moving - fleas make it hard
« Last post by notrightinthehead on Today at 01:09:32 AM »
What helps me tackle these tasks like cleaning and sorting stuff: I set a timer, never longer than an hour for task that are difficult to start with. When the time is up I stop. No matter how much is left. Makes it easier for me to get back to it the next day. For another hour. Or even 30 minutes if it is really hard.
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Dealing with PD In-Laws / Re: Are there no pd DIL posts?
« Last post by notrightinthehead on Today at 12:49:08 AM »
I think you are already doing the right thing by using medium chill and focusing on the children. I would give the children as much love and emotional support as I could. If their mother has a PD, they will have it tough. And it always helps a child to know that there is somebody who loves them as they are.
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