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Going No Contact with a PD Parent / Re: one year later
« Last post by practical on Today at 11:21:09 AM »
So why am I disappointed that she's given up?
Because what you really wanted, even if was with just 0.00001% of your being was for her to accept her responsibility, fix it and be a mother to you. But her responses were to first not give you the space and then to drop you, discard you as if you are an old sock with a hole in it.

If she has found a new stable source of supply I think you are relatively protected from her trying to make contact. If she becomes emotionally needy, she may try again. I wouldn't worry too much about it, if it happens, you can figure out then what your response is exactly. Maybe have a general idea what it would be, and then fill out the details later. You have your boundaries and aren't likely to have to respond in the moment except if she physically seeks you out in which case "This is not a good time for me" or "I have to consider it" are perfect ways to get out of the immediate situation.

I hope you are doing better with the distance.
Common Behaviors / Cleaning hypocracy
« Last post by ICantThinkOfAName on Today at 11:16:45 AM »
I have had 3 separate relationships where my SO would complain, nay shame me for the messy house all the while their own space/house would be cluttered with stuff.  But yet if the kitchen, living room, bedroom, bathrooms, common areas weren't spotless I was a pig.  After being told how messy I was, I constantly thought I had a problem with not being able to clean.  Is it just an easy target?  With kids, it is pretty dang near impossible to keep it "spotless".   To give an example, I spent about 3 hours cleaning the kitchen, on my hands and knees scrubbing the floor and I made some popcorn and one piece of popcorn (literally one piece) was on the counter.  My ex picked it up and said, "What blew up in here?"

When each of them were living by themselves, one of the SO I had couldn't even sleep on his bed!  Yet I'm a slob!  The other one had about 5 inches of free counter space in his kitchen.  Stuff was on there from months ago, so there was no way the counters had been scrubbed, yet I was messy!  The other one could not shut the drawers on his toolbox because it was so cluttered.  And the bathroom... not a pretty sight. 

Obviously, I'm getting into PD relationships because of who I am and I'm attracting these type of guys, but I just wanted to know if anyone else had experienced this.

Now someone from senior services/social services keeps calling.  I asked that she call on my cell phone and she keeps calling the home phone so I don't get the call until after hours. Plus my home phone service is terrible and most of the message is static so I have no idea why they are calling. I leave for my work convention in an hour and I will be 'unavailable' for the next three days. Oh well.
Common Behaviors / Re: A different kind of scorn
« Last post by PeopleOfThePines on Today at 10:58:27 AM »
I'm sorry to hear of what you are going through FiveForFighting. I hope things get better for you soon.

My uPDw and I had a long discussion last night and I finally got a little transparency from her. Apparently she had planned to move out this coming weekend. The place she was going to rent seemed to be an under-the-table deal that didn't require her to sign any contract on a property that was part of bankruptcy proceedings. After we talked she said she wasn't going to go through with it. I'm sort of glad she is not. Mainly because I'm not sure about the legality of such a deal.

Apparently, the reason she was going to move out wasn't to separate exactly. I was to teach me a lesson. She said she needed a break from my roller-coaster of emotions and that she would finally have some of the freedom that she thinks I have. This would be achieved by requiring me to co-parent our daughter every other week. Also so I would see that all of these mysterious things that I think are gas-lighting is really just in my head because they would still happen even though she was no longer around.

I can imagine they would still happen, so long as I didn't change the locks.

Regardless, she did say "I love you" when she left this morning so I guess she believes she has convinced me that I'm the "crazy" one.
All of the time.  Told the wife about not being taken seriously, and I get a blank stare.  If I continue, then she becomes angry because I didn't take her feelings into account. :aaauuugh:  Example: I'm venting about stress at work.  I get a few statements in, and then she hijacks the conversation because I did not mention how stressed she is.

Now, in fairness to her, I've created a defense mechanism of dissociation (going to my "happy place").  That means that many times I may not be hearing her, or I forget.  I do try to pay attention, so I can prepare the correct non-triggering response.  It's really hard because she can filibuster like no one I've known.  She goes from topic to topic.
Chosen Relationships / I don't think I love him anymore
« Last post by rosie85 on Today at 10:48:47 AM »
I think I'm just empty.
I don't have anymore to give. My heart isn't even in it anymore. Just waiting on God to open up an exit door.
Common Behaviors / Re: NPD worse with age?
« Last post by vonmoot on Today at 10:48:12 AM »

As my NPDw has gotten older, she has more anxiety.  This seems to feed the beast.  We've been married 24 years.  We went to a blow up every month to 6 weeks to every weekend.  I posted this same question in "Chosen Relationships", but mine was more about pre-menopause.  I don't know, if they worsen.  Mine has.  I hate, hate weekends.
Dealing with PD Parents / Re: animal neglect...?
« Last post by bopper on Today at 10:45:43 AM »
This dog doesn't do anything for her.
She gets nothing from it.
So to her, it is useless.
Why spend money on useless things?
So now she has given the dog back to you...because even she realizes something is wrong and she doesn't want to be responsible.
Dealing with PD Parents / Re: Controlling through repetitive questionning
« Last post by bopper on Today at 10:43:25 AM »
"I left a message"
"I see that"

and if she loops
'Well, I see the conversations is starting to repeat since you keep telling me you left a message, so I am going to get going now."

Also "I am going to say goodbye because I am going in a cell phone dead zone, talk to you <hang up like you went into a dead zone,which is anywhere you don't want to talk to her"
Chosen Relationships / Re: What's the longest you have been drama-free
« Last post by vonmoot on Today at 10:42:24 AM »
Hi Vonmoot...YES...he is addicted to the boob tube....especially during those times when he is aggitated with me for whatever reason the tv and his phone are his only friends...sad really....

Yep.  NPDw is always looking at TV or Facebook.  I guess I may be partially to blame in some way.  I've tried to limit my contact with her because of the drama.  She needs to get her fix somewhere.
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