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Chosen Relationships / Re: Turing tables?
« Last post by bruceli on Today at 09:04:58 PM »
"complaining that you're hungry and refusing to eat!" Good one.

I use this one, "you constantly throw them a life preserver because they're screaming for help and drowning and they constantly throw it back." My pwPD often says, " I know I need to change but why should I? I just like to bitch!"
Working on Us / Re: The Gordian Knot
« Last post by Whiteheron on Today at 09:03:00 PM »
I often hope I can find the courage to take that step.  But more and more I find that the step is taking itself, and dragging me along whether I want to or not, am afraid or not.  The truth is setting me free, because once seen it can't be put back.

So very true. I waited so long that the end was very clear to both of us.
Separating & Divorcing / Re: Need a laugh somehow
« Last post by Whiteheron on Today at 08:57:01 PM »
And the one that makes me laugh was the toilet paper. He only liked one brand, and it was the thinnest stuff you could buy, always tore, I hated using it. I went out and bought a big case of the cushiest toilet paper I could find.  :D
YES!!!  :yeahthat:
I did the exact same thing. Screw the cheap stuff!
Common Behaviors / Re: Is this PD?We
« Last post by bruceli on Today at 08:50:32 PM »
IME/IMO, yes. A common statement I now use frequently in regards to pwPD is, "I never considered a house or a car a disposable item." Two close pd friends and my PDexw all lost their homes due to lack of maintenance.  The roof of one of my friends homes actually caved in because he refused to removes the accumulating leaves and vines. The ultimate in entitlement I say.  BTW, these were $400,000 to $500,000 homes.
Separating & Divorcing / Re: He says I'm the abuser.
« Last post by mrstring on Today at 08:38:28 PM »
Yes, same here. She said I was the abuser and the last straw when she called the cops on me, because she said she felt abused and unsafe. As a little note of validation, the police report put me as the victim. The point is, when you are in the middle of it you start second guessing yourself and think "am I being abusive??" or as she called me narcissistic? My counselor at the time time said an abuser or narcissist would not be asking themselves or a counselor that question.
 :sadno: Donít go to class with your mum! :sadno:
 :sadno: Donít go to class with your mum! :sadno:
 :sadno: Donít go to class with your mum!  :sadno:
Please join another class and donít ever let her even find out. X sending 🤗 hugs. Your gut is 100 per cent correct! 🤗xxxxx
 Thanks openskyblue, that's good advice.  I'll definitely communicate with them.
Remember the three c s,

Your didnít Cause it.
You canít Control it.
You canít Cure it.

Remember those three C.S.  and never ever ever EVER blame yourself for any of it.
Weíve been programmed to do this, but we can stop it! We always could.

 They, and only they, are responsible for the choices they make or have made, in life. When they made those choices, they didnít consult us. We were not listened to. We were discarded and ignored. 

Sending best wishes.
Parents' Discussion / Re: Being held hostage in my home
« Last post by Bloomie on Today at 07:51:47 PM »
momnthefog - you are in the toughest of circumstances! Your strength and wisdom shines through! :hug:
Hi Candy

Thank you very much for your feedback, you gave me food for thought. It's important to get a reality check with someone who actually gets it  :)

You are right, I addressed the fallout and we just ended up fighting, not helpful at all. I like the idea of actually enforcing boundaries myself in general, it's just that after a few months in therapy, I had raised expectations. But the truth is that you are again right, no one gets to pro level in a few months, when dealing with behaviors taught in childhood. Quite often I think how nasty my husband's childhood must have been. He cannot recall a single thing from his early childhood - maybe abuse amnesia is a blessing in disguise.

My mother's father (my grandparent) was pretty narcissistic and as a result she is a people-pleaser. I think her reaction to my abuse is along the lines 'shut up and take it, as I did' at a deeper level  :doh: It's just so painful to me, it feels like a betrayal. I understand why my mother behaves like that, but this is no excuse for her. She has just started therapy, so I hope at some point she might deal with her fears. Thankfully I have now my father's support, who sees through the situation. In the beginning, they were both asking me to try more and more, now after the last discussion with MIL, where she denied that any of the 20 things that were hurtful to us ever  happened... Well, now he understands the level of crazy I'm dealing with and he's more supportive of me keeping distance. Thank you for your kind words by the way  :)

On the inheritance topic, unfortunately DH has not fully accepted the reality. They are lying all the time about everything regarding this issue, for example they said his dad is also part of the company, which is not true. DH still thinks that they won't disinherit him and that MIL 'wouldn't do that' - whereas it's already done, but in such a sneaky way.. Everything is deniable in their world, even reality itself. DH is going back and forth, one day he seems to have full understanding of what is going on, the other he denies it's like that. A long way to go ahead...

Found this very interesting and thought I should share here, it's Kris Godinez on in-law relationship.

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