Recent posts

#61

Chosen Relationships / Re: Question about Malintent

Last post by sunshine702 - April 21, 2024, 09:44:32 PM

Thank you for the reply, much appreciated. I am not exactly new to the subject i have been educating myself over the past year and a half. Im am new to this community. Its great to have resources like this but on the flip side i wish i didnt know about any of this. Npd, pd, bpd were things i knew nothing about. I mean we all have our issues myself included but this is a whole other dimension. I was naive plus my previous relationships were not healthy either. I have never know what it was like to have a healthy committed relationship before. The reason this all became apparent was because i wanted to improve myself(which admittedly i needed) and my relationship. This is where i realized a lot about myself and what i really wanted in a relationship. I stopped drinking the cool aid so to speak and put my best foot forward. Right now i need to focus my attention on myself because i am obsessing on this and it isn't healthy. Thing is i dont want another decade to pass me by to be in the same situation. I am loyal and committed and never give up on someone i love but it feels like it wouldn't be reciprocated if push comes to shove. Trauma is a hell of a thing but i wouldn't know about it because i was loved and felt safe as a child.

I could have written these EXACT words.  And yes this is my 2nd mental illness relationship too.  My first was NPD and this is BPD. My life with NPD mom set me up for this.

You feel used because it is happening.  Subtly but happening.

How are you doing?  Are you sleeeping? Are you eating?

#62

Chosen Relationships / Re: Dealing with "Rudeness"

Last post by sunshine702 - April 21, 2024, 08:42:17 PM

This is emotional abuse.  We are being abused every single day.

https://www.choosingtherapy.com/bpd-ends-a-relationship/

#63

Separating & Divorcing / Re: 4 months of no contact and...

Last post by sunshine702 - April 21, 2024, 08:24:48 PM

Oh my goodness yes.  Every other breakup I have had has been about something. 

This seems about nothing.  Borderline is such a weird thing!  Or I guess the fundamental about us and us sucks.  It's abusive and not fun.

Even my Narc ex left with someone so there was that.  It took me a decade to fully understand that I was a placeholder and the relationship was real for me but not for him

#64

Common Behaviors / Re: Out the door “I was lookin...

Last post by Invisiblewoman - April 21, 2024, 07:23:45 PM

My brother used to do something similar. He would always promise things that he had actually hurt me with before.

Recently he told me he was buying me a house. This is the same man who stole all my possessions, after lying about helping me move, and forced me to move to a homeless shelter.

Just remember if it sounds like a dream come true, it's a lie.

#65

Dealing with PD In-Laws / Re: He gets it from his mom!

Last post by sunshine702 - April 21, 2024, 07:19:04 PM

Although with my attachment style I feel like a I am in the world with suddenly no skin.  It is honestly painful.  My nervous system is shaking and in pain.  For Anxious attachment this is honestly like a death-  which is why endured the abuse and reading my posts here — this is abuse loving partners comfort the oh honeys as I say not the rages.

Once I get to that apartment I know I can take care of myself. It's not going to look super glamour but like me eating.  Soft things right know.  I am doing it

#66

Chosen Relationships / Re: Question about Malintent

Last post by square - April 21, 2024, 05:37:34 PM

Wishing you strength and peace.

#67

Dealing with PD Siblings and other Family Members / Re: NPD Father made NPD Sister...

Last post by Wildfire - April 21, 2024, 05:36:30 PM

I am in Tennessee.  My mother and my stepdad are "flying monkeys" as is my father.  My sister (NPD)is very scary and has rage issues. The entire family is afraid of her. They lived here for years and I lived a couple states away. My adult kids and I (I am 57 but no grandkids) wanted to move closer to my mom and dad so we could help care for them and spend whatever time they have left all together. They welcomed us wholeheartedly but over the past few years we have realized that they are extremely enmeshed and cultish. We all live within a 15 mile radius and yet we are not privy to secrets (such as both my nieces getting married) or gatherings that are for only them-the "inner circle". If I find out about a gathering or event that we are not invited to I bring it up to my mom but she just says "talk to your sister I don't make these decisions". My sister does not communicate well and usually just says "we" do this every year or "we" just thought you wouldn't want to go, etc.  Then she goes on a mission to find out who told me so she can scream and threaten them.  My kids have no idea how to deal with this. When I bring it up to my dad he defends my sister and does not believe she would do anything like that.  That is because she is super sweet to my dad because of the money he has and the will.   She lives in a huge house that I have just found out was bought and paid for by my dad and she gives her a large monthly allowance so she doesn't have to work because she has lupus. He has bought my nieces and there kids college tuitions, cars and furniture but has never offered my kids anything.   I had no idea all of this was going on because I didn't have the mobility to visit very often.  I am floored.  I always was told that my mom and dad were going to split our inheritance equally but now I know that is not the case. 

I hate to have to get an attorney (it will cause WW3) to make sure everything is done according to his will but I feel my future which will almost assuredly be in an assisted living facility will not be possible because I won't be able to afford it.  My neice has confided in me that my mother has changed her will to just include my sister and her family.  My mom and I had always been close but when I asked my mom about this she just said that it was not appropriate for me to ask.

I knew my sister has always been narcissistic and unhinged, but I had no idea she could be so back stabbing and manipulative. I am floored.

#68

Chosen Relationships / Re: Question about Malintent

Last post by Tryingtounderstand - April 21, 2024, 05:08:49 PM

I left my home for the 2nd time in two years today. I have been running on anger and resentment. As i was settling in(bedroom in house) it hit me hard the reality of what i have been through. This is only the calm before the storm and i hope i can remain strong. Leaving this toxic relationship has been the hardest thing i have ever had to do. I am full of mixed emotions and self doubt. Hats off to the ones that made it out intact. I really hope there is a light at the end. I wish everyone the best here. This is hard especially when close friends and family cant understand what i describe. It took me two years of trying to understand. Be well:)

#69

Common Behaviors / Re: Out the door “I was lookin...

Last post by Rebel13 - April 21, 2024, 05:00:55 PM

Bait to lure you back in, that's it.

Nailed it.

#70

Friends, Neighbors, Acquaintances and Coworkers / Re: Fired a friend today

Last post by Rebel13 - April 21, 2024, 04:59:32 PM

Not at all!  I love the conversations and sharing.