"The Verbally Abusive Relationship" by Patricia Evans

[wolfdreams]

So far I have read 'The Verbally Abusive Relationship', 'Controlling people' and 'Victory over Verbal abuse'.

If you go in on amazon with these titles you can actually get to sneak a peek at quite a few pages.

Also if you go to    Patricia Evans Author Facebook   you can find her facebook page and read the replys of people  who have read her books.

Now this will sound odd, but Patricia does not talk about bpd's or narcissists as in she never calls them that. But she talks about Verbal Abuse which is what they do!   And believe me even though she does not call them by the titles we use, she is talking about them.

Personally, finding her books for me has been the best thing for me.  All of the stuff I read about pd's was not fixing me.  It was only letting me know about pd. 
I kind of found myself lost on the pages of 'controlling people'.  If you only take a peek at one make it 'controlling people'.

And if any of you would like to have a discussion on stuff you read in it, I will be here.



I have not read her books once, I have lost count of the number of times I have read them, have another on order, and waiting for a reprint on last one.      Verbal abuse survivors speak out and the verbally abusive man can he change.

Patricia has actually got into the mind set of what we call pd's, and explains why they do what they do.  Controlling people is the best one to look at to understand why.

Please do yourself a favour just peep at the facebook page and amazon books.   
The self healing I am doing on myself from her stuff.
Some one on her face book page calls her a human whisper I think of her as a angel, a wingless angel come to save us.
I needed saving.  We all do.             

[Anna26]

One of the best books I have read on emotional abuse. Fantastic book. It is about the PDs that's right.
When I read this book I feel that the words hug me. It is that gentle on you and it is validating your feelings you feel understood and you feel worthy instantly.
I've read it so many times.

[Rainstorm]

I've heard of the book but don't remember if I read it or not. I don't feel like I'm in a verbally abusive relationship but I do deal with emotional abuse and a bit of financial abuse. Do you think the book would still be helpful?

[Rosemary1929]

"It takes tremendous self-esteem to validate one's own reality when no one else seems to have done so."

This quote of hers in this book is what helped tip the scales of my self-doubt. I stopped wondering if anyone else would think I was being verbally abused, I quit thinking I deserved it because I wasn't perfect, and I listened to my devastated inner child that KNEW without question what was happening.

I think the author's theory that there are people who seek Power Over others is spot on. It makes so much sense.

[BeingAlone]

This bring brought an awareness for me that never existed.  I knew that something was wrong but lacked the vocabulary to even validate myself. 
The book gives strategies to those that want to try to change the behavior that is so unhealthy and offers strength to anyone that needs to stop the dance.

[Hoolio]

Brilliant book.

It was the start of my understanding I was being verbally abused.

[FeliciaStoppedDancing]

I was a bit reluctant to read her books, as she doesn't have an academic background in psychology or therapy. However, her "Teddy Illusion" analogy (in Controlling People) resonated so strongly with me and how my stbx uPDh (ASPD and NPD traits) seemed to see me.

I spoke to my T about the analogy, and although I've moved on from discussing him to discussing ME (for the most part), I felt her books provided me with additional validation for the ambient abuse I was having trouble conceptualizing and processing.

[tommom]

I'm with you guys. This is the book I found first. When I found "Stop Walking on Eggshells" I was much more ready to deal with what I was going to read in that because of Pat Evans. My sister, also married to a PD actually CALLED Pat Evans and talked to her, she was so blown away by this book.

Evans was apparently wonderful about it. My S just had to tell Evans that she had changed my S's life.

[Hoolio]

Great share tommom! 

[wolfdreams]

Bump up, believe me you need to read all of her books.

[moondance]

    Just stayed up WAY too late reading and highlighting her book. I had read " Why Does He do That" earlier and these two books really opened my eyes. It was depressing to realize from her descriptions that I've been experiencing severe verbal abuse. I thought that was mainly name calling, which my stbx doesn't do very much, but he sure does everything else she writes about. The self care tips she gives and the hope she gives that you can recover were very good.   I think though that some of her advice about how to stop it, like saying "No" or " Cut it out" would only enrage some PD individuals. But her explanations of why they do it were very insightful.