Is this normal or part of being PD?

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1footouttadefog

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Re: Is this normal or part of being PD?
« Reply #15 on: February 23, 2017, 01:30:22 PM »
In the US, reservists have to do at least one two week service a year in addtion to weekend drills.
I would be like WhooHoo two whole weeks.  LOL

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Rubytown

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Re: Is this normal or part of being PD?
« Reply #16 on: February 23, 2017, 07:40:01 PM »
Wow, Rainstorm, this is alarming news.  I can't imagine what you're feeling now.  There are so many dangerous implications and possible effects for you!  I see what you mean about the N traits and this reinforcing a sense of superiority and importance.  This is taking a very serious turn though.  Let us know what develops.  Wish I could help you in some way.  All we can do from here is offer support and prayers.  Sometimes knowing someone understands and cares can be a big help!

Love,
Ruby

"Blessed are those who find wisdom, those who gain understanding."  Proverbs 3:13

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Rainstorm

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Re: Is this normal or part of being PD?
« Reply #17 on: February 24, 2017, 01:35:44 AM »
I agree 1footoutadefog,  I think the breaks away from each other will be good for my mental health and I'm looking forward to them.
Rubytown, thanks for your support and prayers.

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Rubytown

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Re: Is this normal or part of being PD?
« Reply #18 on: March 03, 2017, 11:08:25 PM »
Rainstorm and 1footouttadefog,

I hadn't thought about the idea of it working as a break for Rainstorm.  That's a positive perspective.

One way I knew our relationship was not going to recover to pre-OOTF levels of affection was that I started looking forward to his time away from the house.  I notice that now - I really enjoy time with the kids or on my own and push through interactions with my SO.  Sometimes it's better but it's mostly coping, dodging pd stuff, and reinforcing boundaries.  Relationships like this are exhausting, more like a boxing match than a friendship or romance.  Even in the best interactions, there is this feeling like you can't let your guard down.

Rainstorm, let us know what develops with the Reserves if you want to share.

Ruby
"Blessed are those who find wisdom, those who gain understanding."  Proverbs 3:13

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Rainstorm

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Re: Is this normal or part of being PD?
« Reply #19 on: March 05, 2017, 04:34:00 PM »
[quoteOne way I knew our relationship was not going to recover to pre-OOTF levels of affection was that I started looking forward to his time away from the house.  I notice that now - I really enjoy time with the kids or on my own and push through interactions with my SO.  Sometimes it's better but it's mostly coping, dodging pd stuff, and reinforcing boundaries.  Relationships like this are exhausting, more like a boxing match than a friendship or romance.  Even in the best interactions, there is this feeling like you can't let your guard down.
][/quote]
Yes, that's so true. So far I am loving the extra peace and quiet!

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Rainstorm

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Re: Is this normal or part of being PD?
« Reply #20 on: March 19, 2017, 01:56:14 AM »
My husband has been doing his training on the weekends, and for the first time in years, I can look forward to weekends.
Anyways, a few minutes ago I got an odd text from him, saying something like I am right, he is quitting and I can't handle it. I sure hope he is joking about quitting, I seriously love these weekends, and I never said he couldn't handle it. And you know, this is just like him to send me a text like this, and then not respond. He has a long history of saying things to get some sort of emotional reaction from me, and saying I can't handle it? I'm handling it just fine! I think maybe he can't handle being away and not knowing what is going on at home, and fearing that I actually can handle it.

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SquarePegs80

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Re: Is this normal or part of being PD?
« Reply #21 on: March 19, 2017, 10:42:21 AM »
It sounds like he is putting the blame on you as to why he may possibly quit.  :stars: Has he done this pattern before when he takes on tasks that he believes he can't do or doesn't get enough recognition from doing it by others? My PD husband is notorious of this and it only took me some 28 years of coming Out of the FOG to recognize it. I do hope for your sake your weekends won't be disrupted so you can heal from his abuse. I too have lived with texts of this nature and now I mostly medium chill them and not jump to respond to what is being said. The more he stays engaged with other supply the less he will try to get from you.  :hug:
Discover yourself like a Lotus flower in full bloom even in a muddy pond. Beautiful and Strong!

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Rainstorm

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Re: Is this normal or part of being PD?
« Reply #22 on: March 19, 2017, 02:17:09 PM »
Yes, that's exactly what it sounds like, and I'm afraid that is what he will tell others.
My husband is interested in anythng that will have others looking up to him, so in another words N supply. He is like a liitle boy in some ways, where he glamourizes a job and imagines everyone respecting him and looking up to him but glossing over all the hard work. It isn't like I am surprised he wants to quit, with his age and all but i had hoped it would have been further down the road, not just after a few weeks.

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SquarePegs80

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Re: Is this normal or part of being PD?
« Reply #23 on: March 20, 2017, 12:28:17 PM »
I truly understand how you feel, I am so sorry that he tells others about HIS non accomplishments in his life when YOU have nothing to do with it. I guess we have to tell ourselves His Stuff not ours. We can't truly control what they tell others nor how others will respond but it is disrespectful to us and we can tell them that(I know telling them has be done is a gentle way, sometimes it doesn't matter how it is said because they can possibly take it all the wrong way). My husband is BPD and he too likes to be looked up too and is disappointed when others do not acknowledge him. Husband is in therapy and actually shared this with his therapist so he is working on it. I have made compliments to him but he needs to have like doctors or lawyers or others whom he looks up to to acknowledge him, I mean I am just his wife.  :stars: I get the age thing as well, my husband is former military and he pines for the good ole' days and almost everything he is interested in is the past. I would just keep on encouraging your husband to find something else to do with his time, I have found the more time away from my PD husband the better I heal, don't get me wrong I still have a lot of fires to put out when it comes to us 2 but I am handling it much better these past 6 months or so. Husband has been going to church on his own, reaching out to more social events on his own and the weekends I basically plan small stints of time with him and for the moment he seems to be okay with that. I will keep you in my prayers about how to proceed with him.  :bighug:
Discover yourself like a Lotus flower in full bloom even in a muddy pond. Beautiful and Strong!

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Rainstorm

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Re: Is this normal or part of being PD?
« Reply #24 on: March 20, 2017, 06:12:25 PM »
Thanks squarepegs. I won't know for sure what he will tell others when he quits because I probably won't be around. Can I send you a private message to ask you something?

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SquarePegs80

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Re: Is this normal or part of being PD?
« Reply #25 on: March 20, 2017, 06:56:03 PM »
Thanks squarepegs. I won't know for sure what he will tell others when he quits because I probably won't be around. Can I send you a private message to ask you something?

Yes of course. :)
Discover yourself like a Lotus flower in full bloom even in a muddy pond. Beautiful and Strong!

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Rubytown

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Re: Is this normal or part of being PD?
« Reply #26 on: March 23, 2017, 04:02:32 PM »
Well, Rainstorm, I guess you should have acted more upset and like you missed him more...  I'm joking but I wonder if you being ok with it just took the fun out of the whole thing.  Has he officially quit or do you know yet?  I concur about the PDSO having more outside activities.  Anything that feeds that black hole of narcissism.  The neverending search for N supply.
"Blessed are those who find wisdom, those who gain understanding."  Proverbs 3:13

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Rainstorm

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Re: Is this normal or part of being PD?
« Reply #27 on: March 23, 2017, 09:37:42 PM »
You could be right Rubytown, about the missing thing   ;D  He hasn't quit yet so I'm getting one more weekend of peace at least.

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SquarePegs80

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Re: Is this normal or part of being PD?
« Reply #28 on: March 23, 2017, 11:33:40 PM »
You could be right Rubytown, about the missing thing   ;D  He hasn't quit yet so I'm getting one more weekend of peace at least.

 :like:
Discover yourself like a Lotus flower in full bloom even in a muddy pond. Beautiful and Strong!

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Rubytown

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Re: Is this normal or part of being PD?
« Reply #29 on: March 24, 2017, 12:19:49 AM »
I guess as a last ditch effort, you could text some about how much you miss him, etc. But you know how important what he's doing is and understand you need to share him with the world...
"Blessed are those who find wisdom, those who gain understanding."  Proverbs 3:13