Understanding the Borderline Mother

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Is This Normal

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Re: Understanding the Borderline Mother
« Reply #15 on: December 17, 2016, 06:36:32 PM »
Haha!!  ;D

Yes, it's definitely a better investment! Cheaper than therapy & drugs too!

-ITN-

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Sunshine days

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Re: Understanding the Borderline Mother
« Reply #16 on: December 17, 2016, 07:33:01 PM »
I have not read the book but i find all your comments interesting my mother is a hermit , I mean one who stays in the house forever , she use to be a queen but now she's a witch , could this be a horror story I am near the end of her life . I await my true freedom , these mothers are purely evil. Learning about this stuff has totally consumed my life, I nearly said ruined it, in some ways yes but in other ways I was a slow learner. Thanks to everyone on this thread who offers me love and understanding x

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DJCleo

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Re: Understanding the Borderline Mother
« Reply #17 on: March 17, 2017, 05:47:41 PM »
One of my favorites on BPD (if there can be such a thing)! I read it highlighter in hand, tears streaming down my face. It horrified me reading what I could so easily have written, words I have said, thoughts I have had so many times.

I didn't identify with the four types of fathers, as neither were around during mother's performances, but the mothers??  Oh yeah.  Mine was very much Queen/witch when I was growing up, and has evolved more into Waif/hermit as she's aged. I suspect that's because she realized the old behaviors simply don't work anymore. She doesn't have that power over our lives that she had when we were children.

I love that UTBM gives real time advice for how to manage yourself when faced with the various types. That's the first place I became aware of JADE - don't justify, argue, defend or explain your choices. She doesn't have to agree or understand??!  I don't have to keep explaining myself over and over?? Groundbreaking for me!

Thanks for reviewing this one!


My husband has explained about his upbringing often enough for me to say that this .... makes a lot of sense. The fact that sometimes the BPD exhibits different parts of the borderline mother traits at different times in her life makes total sense.

She's probably more of a hermit than when he was little, when they used to have friends (at least it seemed like it to my husband when he was small). She's more of a waif too, but she's been RAGING off and on during the wedding and then sometimes after. So she's still acting like the queen and witch, but at the same time, tries to pretend that she's made amends for things and tries to trick people more than she used to vs. just hit them when they were young.

My husband explains how once they were big enough to fight back, he did. My husband is extremely polite and warm and friendly, but he was extremely rebellious as a teen due to the bounceback of queen/witch mother being so controlling that his parents sort of gave up, according to my husband. They also talked to their kids *so* late about the facts of life and everything else that kids need their parents to talk to them about. It's so sad.

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DJCleo

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Re: Understanding the Borderline Mother
« Reply #18 on: March 17, 2017, 06:10:06 PM »
https://thrivingisthegoal.com/2013/07/23/understanding-the-borderline-mother-part-i/

This is a link to a blog extrapolating on the Borderline Mother book.

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moglow

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Re: Understanding the Borderline Mother
« Reply #19 on: March 18, 2017, 02:49:54 PM »
It is an incredibly difficult read, DJ, particularly in early days of facing that you have a borderline mother and accepting that everything really isn't all your fault [as you've likely been told all your life]. There are so many questions and emotions flying all over the place while reading, everything is crazy and makes sense all at the same time.
“Nothing exposes our true self more than how we treat each other in the home.”  ~ Joseph B. Wirthlin

Stop Stinkin' Thinkin'!