"Sisters of Heart and Snow"

[snoflinga]

I happened to pick this book up at the library and it has been a mind-blowing read! This is a novel about two adult sisters, a SG and a GC, who grew up with a NPD father and enabler mother. The author, Margaret Dilloway, must have some direct experience with PDs, because the book is crammed full of details that I don't think anyone who hasn't lived it would get. From the way the NPD parent never notices you unless you are publicly achieving something, to the way siblings slip into a resentful silence, to the way they toy with you and seem to honestly enjoy it while insulting you horribly.

I was particularly moved by the main character's realization that she married young and throws herself into mothering - baking cookies, driving to swim meets, and cooking a hot, organic, four-food-groups meal every night - not because she's intrinsically a great mother but because she's so determined to give her kids a loving childhood free of pain like she never had. This is true of me and I never realized it about myself. When I read that I dropped the book and cried. Of course, of course.

In this book the enabler mother is now dying and has dementia. While she was still capable, she filed paperwork to give her daughter the SG power of attorney. Not her husband, the NPD. Not the GC. The SG. As you can imagine this sets off an earthquake of rage in her family, including NPDdad suing the SG. Sounds familiar, right?

It's a very powerful and insightful book. I have to read it in small sips as the info is overwhelming, but I also can't stay away from it. It's possibly the most accurate portrayal of NPD in a family I have ever read. It's amazing how much I have learned about myself just by recognizing my family in these characters!

Sisters of Heart and Snow by Margaret Dilloway
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00L9B8650/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1

[snoflinga]

I rote this review when I was about halfway through the book. It still stands, but in the interest of being transparent I should add that the end of the book moves away from the focus on the PD family of origin dysfunction and more onto how the adult children's lives and relationships are affected years later. Not as informative or interesting, IMO, but the book is still worth it for the beginning.