How often do you self doubt yourself

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Sunshine days

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How often do you self doubt yourself
« on: January 22, 2017, 06:36:08 AM »
Hello Everyone, I have had a real hard time of late self doubting myself and feeling like I haven't healed and done a full circle to somewhere where I thought I had moved on from. Now I see my whole existence was centred around I can do no right and everything I said was wrong plus I was in the gc illusion that he was amazing . The illusion went about 12 months ago and gc is no longer golden , I see gc in a new light . Does the self doubting wound close up again and does it ever completely disappear its like I am being tortured in my mind.

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Ellie307

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Re: How often do you self doubt yourself
« Reply #1 on: January 22, 2017, 09:21:20 AM »
Hi Sunshine,
I'm so sorry you're in such a painful place.
I don't have any advice or magic words, but I feel the same self doubt. Just as our relationships with PD'S are a rollercoaster ride, so is the healing process. Just when you think you've got a handle on things, the cup falls to the floor and shatters. It's enough for anyone to wonder why we're even trying.
I don't know if NC is or can be an option for you but that's the only way I could live my life without peeling another layer off the PD onion. It's a painful thing to do, but practicing self love and preservation may diminish some self doubt.
Stay strong. Sending hugs of support.
"Make it worth the price we pay."
"Nothing changes if nothing changes."
"If there's one good piece of me left, I swear, it's mine and mine alone."

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Sunshine days

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Re: How often do you self doubt yourself
« Reply #2 on: January 22, 2017, 10:07:31 AM »
Thanks Ellie, Of course I am n/c it's just opened up again that's all, I am getting there again. Thanks for your reply and I forget I am still healing, just hate sitting in pain.

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Ellie307

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Re: How often do you self doubt yourself
« Reply #3 on: January 22, 2017, 05:16:11 PM »
I know. Sometimes it feels like forever.
Take care, you're going to be just fine.
"Make it worth the price we pay."
"Nothing changes if nothing changes."
"If there's one good piece of me left, I swear, it's mine and mine alone."

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Frothed out

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Re: How often do you self doubt yourself
« Reply #4 on: January 23, 2017, 07:33:10 AM »
I find it hard to do anything without feeling like I am wrong.  My uNPDw and my two kids and my uNPDMIL were playing cards(pegs) with my 6 and 9 year old daughters.  When I moved a peg for my kid, my wife put the man back and made my kid count it out.  She glared at me with the death stare.  So cold.  No love in those eyes.

  There were incidents all day where I was doing my best to 'help'  but I got the stare or a stern talking to.  It's difficult to act in any way when you are 'punished'  for doing what you think is a nice thing.

 I cleaned up the fridge and threw away the expired and tired stuff, she said she needed to go to town to fill the fridge back up. I said not to fill it,  i will buy what we need for the week(she has been spending weekdays away with one daughter).  I only received 'judgement', rather than appreciation for the clean-up and restocking. 

 How do we get out of this feeling of doubt.  How do we ignore the negative nd focus on the positive(if any)?
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

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Sunshine days

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Re: How often do you self doubt yourself
« Reply #5 on: January 23, 2017, 07:51:09 AM »
Sorry you to to feel like this frothed out, have you changed your username ? It can be so hard changing anything when the other person is in control of us, your dammed if you do and dammed if you don't. A lifetime of patterns to change that's why many move onto new relationships but still they have there problems. Just keep doing wants right and believing yourself. I find I am trying to change things but everyone around me is plodding along on there own but I am pulling it together and picking fleas out of the kids. It's hard going when I need to work on myself and not other kids in the family if you know what I mean.

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Frothed out

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Re: How often do you self doubt yourself
« Reply #6 on: January 23, 2017, 09:22:13 AM »
I know what you mean.  My wife adds a great deal of good to the equation as well,  both for me and the kids.  It's not all bad, but the bad is BAD.
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

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Adria

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Re: How often do you self doubt yourself
« Reply #7 on: January 24, 2017, 05:04:15 PM »
Oh, boy Sunshine days,  I know the feeling. Just when ya think  . . .  :blush:  I have found that healing can be one step forward and two steps back at times.  We can go along for awhile and think we've got it licked, and then boom, someone says something, or a holiday comes up, maybe a movie on t.v. and it sends us reeling.  It's so nice to be able to use this forum as a sounding board to reassure us if we are on track or to let us know if we need to shift gears.  As we walk this journey, working through the pain and tears, self-doubt and confusion, grappling with everything we thought was true and isn't, we will, like a beautiful butterfly breaking free from its cocoon, emerge much stronger, wiser, and self-assured.   

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Sunshine days

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Re: How often do you self doubt yourself
« Reply #8 on: January 25, 2017, 07:24:29 AM »
That's so validating Adria, sometimes I don't know what I am working on and that can be a slip of a mat from underneath, keeps us humbled though. X

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TryingToSurvive

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Re: How often do you self doubt yourself
« Reply #9 on: February 15, 2017, 10:03:25 AM »
I doubt myself all the time, everyday.  I have to constantly remind myself that I have done nothing wrong, that I'm good enough and that my efforts and contributions are good enough.  It is a daily struggle.  If you're posting on this forum it means you want to keep your relationship and take care of yourself too, and all I can say it that it takes work.  I'm not really "there" yet, and I'm working at it pretty hard.  The more I interact with people other than my partner the better I feel.  It helps me remember that nobody is perfect and that there are people who think I'm doing just fine.  It takes many of those "voices" to drown out the insecurities put there by the person I was supposed to be able to count on and trust the most.


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Mishy

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Re: How often do you self doubt yourself
« Reply #10 on: February 15, 2017, 02:29:26 PM »
I doubt myself ALL. THE. TIME. When I doubt myself I revisit my journal. Filled with heartache and pain. And reassure myself that I made the best decision for myself at the time. I also just get out of the house and go to a coffee shop or the grocery store or the book store. And journal about my feelings. Sometimes I need to get out of my head and into a space with other people. Even strangers because my head gets too noisy at times and I need to just feel a part of something. Even if it's just dressing up to go nowhere but for a walk. Activity quiets my mind. And seek a therapist for help to sort out your feelings. They can help you with tools to reassure yourself and work on building confidence in your thoughts and decisions. Best wishes.

XoXo
Mishy

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Sunshine days

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Re: How often do you self doubt yourself
« Reply #11 on: February 15, 2017, 06:22:49 PM »
It does get better but a long hard road of not knowing what to connect at times . I had it again this week and a sinking feeling and then a few days later I felt normality . Weird x

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Shell92127

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Re: How often do you self doubt yourself
« Reply #12 on: February 17, 2017, 09:24:30 AM »
I did doubt myself at first. Keeping a journal really helped me see the patterns my PD person has. Going back to the beginning of our relationship [ one year ago] I can see many red flags I ignored. I am sadder and wiser now. Other posters have stated journaling helps them and I can't emphasize enough how helpful it is for me. Journaling is a big factor in me no longer doubting myself.

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Sunshine days

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Re: How often do you self doubt yourself
« Reply #13 on: February 17, 2017, 02:19:19 PM »
Shell, that's so true. I wrote all about npd in my journal and that got a lid on that, then I wrote about part the golden child played with me and that helped me accept each stage to. Jornalling makes you grow , I wish I had done it years ago

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Living2learn

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Re: How often do you self doubt yourself
« Reply #14 on: February 17, 2017, 02:58:22 PM »
The feeling of self doubt plagues me! The constant questioning in my mind. It's really hard on my self esteem. It's almost like my mind is playing tricks on me. I make a decision, follow through and spend the next however may hours and sometimes days wondering!!!!??? Ex: I found a great T and have been seeing her for several months. The more I find out about myself, past childhood trauma and where my depression stems from I feel that she is not quite the right T for me. My psychiatrist and  I feel I need therapy that's more intensive and into the direction of DBT therapy.