When did you reach the "enough is enough" point?

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mercurial

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Re: When did you reach the "enough is enough" point?
« Reply #30 on: May 10, 2017, 10:56:02 AM »
My mother called me out of the blue and wanted me to have dinner with her. Idiot me (that poor kid) was so excited; proof I was cared about! She finally wanted to see I was okay and hear how I was! No. She wanted sympathy from her roommate for what a horrible daughter she had. As soon as I was at her house, she fiddled with her phone, and then excused herself from the conversation. After that she refused to participate in the conversation or even look at me, and kept putting me in awkward situations waiting for me to get mad. Turned out she had texted her roommate to come over, excused herself to let him in, and hid him in an out sight room as a secret witness. Except all she proved was she had a daughter very excited to be there whom she was treating very badly. Eventually it dawned on me that I was not welcome there, and it was her poor roommate that was standing there watching the realization come over my face, that I was not loved, and was not welcome. And though he tried to deny it, when I pointed out that any restaurant that treated the people the way they were treating me would soon go out of business, you could see he was pretty ashamed of himself. They talked me into staying for the rest of the meal but that was definitely the moment, standing there with tears running down my face realizing I would never be welcome in my mother's home while a stranger sat there and watched me crumble.

It would be another five years of sporadic contact before I accepted everything that meant and was ready to let go of every contact. I was just tired. I was tired of the realization that the only way I would know I had done something she should approve of was to see the sigh of disappointment, because she couldn't talk trash about what I had done, or it was better than she felt she could do and therefore she was going to have do something to put me back in my place.

Plus everything always saying don't call out the narcissist and that to me is like saying; their need to be stupid is more important than your need to say what your life is like. And I just can't abide that. I had a health scare and worked really hard throughout every day to get healthier. And here is this person come back into my life not just destroying all my hard work but talking trash about it behind my back to everyone, too. NO. She doesn't get act like that and keep me in her life, nor should she. If she wants to act badly, she deserves to be cut out. I will not stay around and by my silence and my presence condone her bad behavior towards me. No one else would, they would leave too.

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Sunshine days

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Re: When did you reach the "enough is enough" point?
« Reply #31 on: May 11, 2017, 03:00:18 AM »
Well said mercurial x

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personal

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Re: When did you reach the "enough is enough" point?
« Reply #32 on: May 26, 2017, 03:18:32 AM »
I have to say that after spending almost 30 years with my partner, it didn't end with a bang but with a whimper.
I remember having spent the last 6 months or maybe more trying to find the courage to say I wanted to separate.
The fact alone that every  day I would be fearful of his reaction prevented me from acting. And didn't he know my fear so well.
It was only after I had managed to save a small sum from my part time work, meanwhile paying all the bills, the rent and him giving me a measly token towards food.
I wont go into all the details because that's for another post, but I think it was the 8 bottles of whiskey that he bought for himself over that last fortnight and me finally saying to myself that now was the time , fuck the consequences. Even my life was worth it to save my integrity.
The irony was ,that he said that he'd been thinking about it for a year but I suppose he wanted to squeeze that lemon, just a bit longer.
Anyway, its been 2 months now since I  left and he spent that time  playing on the usual F.O.G. and today I told him not to come round unless he rings and that our Saturday breakfasts were off.
He replied in txts with the usual " you must have a guy there..."  I said I wasn't going to play the old games anymore and didn't want to know.
Then I got the verbal abuse. Ignored it.
 A saying  I was told by a beloved auntie who knows of him comes to mind and I should get a donkey tattooed on my arm.............which signifies  "you are the head not the tail " .
That's something I have to keep reminding myself of after years of his abuse and the associated consequences of that personally.
Good things to you all you brave people..

« Last Edit: May 26, 2017, 03:22:06 AM by personal »

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Jill6818

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Re: When did you reach the "enough is enough" point?
« Reply #33 on: August 09, 2017, 12:31:24 AM »
The first enough is enough point was when he threw me on the floor and kept pushing me down when I tried to get up and then raged for an hour. Why? Because the potato chip bag made a noise when I closed it. I realized that he just might kill me at some point.  Several months after I left, I went back, which I thought was a pretty stupid idea once I got there.  However, it turned out to be a good idea because I now know in my heart of hearts that I'll never go back. Ever. My enough is enough point that time was within two weeks. He had been pretty good , but one day he returned from work, didn't say hello and started raging - shark eyes, red face, chest beating, spewing all sorts of distorted nonsense. The next morning after he went to work, my little dog and I got into the car, drove away and never looked back.

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InHidingWithMacSeth

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Re: When did you reach the "enough is enough" point?
« Reply #34 on: August 15, 2017, 02:42:08 PM »
I think most of our breaking points come after we wake up, not that things get any better or worse. I had been abused for a period of about 5 months, and I realized that she wasn't going to change. I still don't know if leaving was my breaking point or not because going NC and murdering hope in things being different- at least tolerable- is very hard. I don't think most people know what I am saying when I say that I took my wedding vows very seriously- but now that I know more about myself and PDs, I think you guys know what I mean, even if others do not.

I gave her an ultimatum. I realized it WAS my choice- because if I gave her a choice and she choose the wrong thing, she was putting the ball back in my court, the decision to end the relationship in my hands. I told her toss this inappropriate relationship point blank period or divorce. She said divorce. Then it was up to me to follow through with it. It was realizing what I was telling her was that my BARE MINIMUM of treatment was being asked of her and she refused. How shitty does someone have to think of you for that to be the case?