emptiness

  • 20 Replies
  • 769 Views
*

Fightsong

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • 610
emptiness
« on: February 13, 2017, 12:40:55 PM »
Just feeling empty right now. I want a real Mom. Want to have had. Futile I know. Just Empty. It will pass.

*

coyote

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • 4349
Re: emptiness
« Reply #1 on: February 13, 2017, 01:13:36 PM »
fightsong.
Just to let you know we are here for you. You are right this too shall pass.
How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.
 Wayne Dyer

“The only person educated is the one who has learned how to learn and change.”  Carl Rogers

The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem. Do you understand?
Capt. Jack Sparrow

*

Foreignwoman

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • 819
Re: emptiness
« Reply #2 on: February 13, 2017, 01:16:02 PM »
It's so understandable. There are no words.

 :hug:

FW
Freedom is never voluntary given by the oppressor, it is demanded by the oppressed.

Martin Luther King, Jr

*

Fightsong

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • 610
Re: emptiness
« Reply #3 on: February 13, 2017, 01:43:08 PM »
thanks folks. Just thanks x

*

In loco parentis

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • 101
Re: emptiness
« Reply #4 on: February 13, 2017, 06:09:28 PM »
Just feeling empty right now. I want a real Mom. Want to have had. Futile I know. Just Empty. It will pass.

Fightsong, the poignancy of your message speaks absolute deep and resonating volumes.  I feel your pain.  I feel your thirst.  I feel your loneliness.  I feel your desolation.

But I also feel your strong heart.

You give voice to why I carry such abject fear for those four fatherless kids, left to (try to) find some way to endure their all too vacant, all too careless, all too uncaring uBPD mother.  As you likewise endured before them, I suspect.

I weep for you, my friend.  But I daresay the mother you seek is here, in spirit, among your many friends.  They will nurture and support you, here, though they can never fill that deep and abiding hole you endured in childhood.

A loving father's hugs to you, my friend.
A well worn path can be such a comfort... and/or such a rut.

*

Amadahy

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • 429
  • When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
Re: emptiness
« Reply #5 on: February 13, 2017, 07:16:11 PM »
I wrote this Sept 28, 2016 on a day such as yours  The hurt is overwhelming. 

Your intensity,
Autumn, my love, is too much ~~
I am motherless.

The muse joins me in grieving. I am glad for the company. And for yours, although I'd wish this on no one. 

 :hug:
« Last Edit: February 13, 2017, 07:21:49 PM by Amadahy »
Ring the bells that still can ring;
Forget your perfect offering.
There's a crack in everything ~~
That's how the Light gets in!

~~ Leonard Cohen

*

Newlife33

  • Guest
Re: emptiness
« Reply #6 on: February 13, 2017, 08:15:52 PM »
Just feeling empty right now. I want a real Mom. Want to have had. Futile I know. Just Empty. It will pass.

:hug  sending you love in time of need.

*

Dusty55

  • Guest
Re: emptiness
« Reply #7 on: February 14, 2017, 01:29:08 AM »
I understand that emptiness,  Fightsong. Hugs to you.

*

notrightinthehead

  • Host Member
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • 1724
Re: emptiness
« Reply #8 on: February 14, 2017, 01:49:17 AM »
Try to fill that emptiness by learning to mother that inner child of yours, that cries out for motherly love, yourself.

*

kayjewel

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • 3202
Re: emptiness
« Reply #9 on: February 14, 2017, 02:37:15 AM »
You're not alone. And by posting about what you're feeling, you've let others know that we're not alone, either.
There is no coming to consciousness without pain. People will do anything, no matter how absurd, in order to avoid facing their own soul. One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.
-- C. G. Jung

*

Fightsong

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • 610
Re: emptiness
« Reply #10 on: February 14, 2017, 04:39:51 AM »
It seems we are none of us alone in this loneliest of places. Thank you all for  reaching out. To be un-mothered. Or under- mothered. I wonder if people who are sufficiently mothered, if  their  pieces fit together better, these empty gaps aren't there, and so they don't feel the emptiness throughout adult life? My pieces don't fit. If I learn to mother myself, to self nurture will the gaps close some more?  Sometimes I feel the work I am doing allows me to look deeper into the ragged gaps, to tolerate looking, to examine them and see them for what they are and the effect they have had on me. But It doesn't seem to close the gaps much. I am trusting that step by step  it will. I have learnt not to be too impatient with this process. I have learnt that feelings come and they go, they wash in and out like a tide, sometimes viciously and sometimes softly and gently like the tide creeping in un-noticed. Feelings. Those feelings that have long been the enemy. Having now so much to teach me. A child in an adult body.

And this - that for the need to do this, to be here, I grieve. For the ability and willingness to do it I give thanks. I will stand up and fight and work at this so that my young ones don't carry this legacy with them. Even if those responsible for me were unable and unwilling for whatever of their own complicated reasons to do that for me.

*

In loco parentis

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • 101
Re: emptiness
« Reply #11 on: February 14, 2017, 06:09:20 AM »

And this - that for the need to do this, to be here, I grieve. For the ability and willingness to do it I give thanks. I will stand up and fight and work at this so that my young ones don't carry this legacy with them. Even if those responsible for me were unable and unwilling for whatever of their own complicated reasons to do that for me.

Bravo.  Bravissimo!
A well worn path can be such a comfort... and/or such a rut.

*

Foreignwoman

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • 819
Re: emptiness
« Reply #12 on: February 14, 2017, 08:48:14 AM »
Fightsong, you break the cycle. It's hard work to keep on trusting everything finally will be allright.
But it does.

FW
Freedom is never voluntary given by the oppressor, it is demanded by the oppressed.

Martin Luther King, Jr

*

Newlife33

  • Guest
Re: emptiness
« Reply #13 on: February 14, 2017, 10:47:04 AM »
You're not alone. And by posting about what you're feeling, you've let others know that we're not alone, either.

yup.

*

Geko

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • 365
Re: emptiness
« Reply #14 on: February 14, 2017, 04:35:14 PM »
We definitely all know your pain and hurt. I too am feeling empty today and have been encouraged by all the lovely responses you've had.  Wishing you peace and strength. Take care. x



But still, like dust, I'll rise.  (Maya Angelou)

*

Summer Sun

  • Host Member
  • Sr. Member
  • *
  • 669
Re: emptiness
« Reply #15 on: February 14, 2017, 05:34:56 PM »
Fight song, I'm sorry for your suffering through the emptiness.  It seems many of us can relate to the experience - I am no exception.  The emptiness swallowed me whole once.  I do not know what it is like to have a mother, nor comfort and reassurance from a father. 

I am blessed though to have a DH and a healthy BFF.  Sometimes I crawl on DH's lap, wrap my arms around him.  Sometimes he holds me at bed time, or in the morning.  I find comfort and gratitude in his arms. 

So I wish for you comfort, reassurance, the love you so deserve, in whatever ways or in whomever the universe sends your way today!

Good for you to be the change you want to see in the world, your children will benefit.  It takes a strong, wise and courageous individual to give to others what they need(ed) to receive.

Summer Sun
"The opposite of Love is not Hate, it's Indifference" - Elie Wiesel

*

Fightsong

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • 610
Re: emptiness
« Reply #16 on: February 17, 2017, 08:17:53 AM »
3 weeks silent treatment. My heart breaks when this happens though I'm getting stronger and clearer. The urge to react is so strong. It's coming from a sad young place. I have to let go. I have to get to the next level of acceptance. I cannot have anything more meaningful . It's never been available, and won't ever be.  I've been clear with my boundary and now I must wait on the outcome.  Need to stay strong. Little one wants to run back crying I'm sorry I'm sorry. It's all my fault. I take it back. Stay strong fight song . Love from fight song xxx

*

Newlife33

  • Guest
Re: emptiness
« Reply #17 on: February 17, 2017, 08:56:34 AM »
"The urge to react is so strong. It's coming from a sad young place. I have to let go. I have to get to the next level of acceptance."
I cannot have anything more meaningful . It's never been available, and won't ever be.  I've been clear with my boundary and now I must wait on the outcome.  Need to stay strong. Little one wants to run back crying I'm sorry I'm sorry. It's all my fault."

Well said, well said. This is a hard battle we fight. Glad to be fighting alongside you.

*

Sunshine days

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • 1555
Re: emptiness
« Reply #18 on: February 19, 2017, 05:48:12 PM »
I have just come through this feeling again and I feel tons better then I did the last time, we are getting there lots of little decisions in one baby step but we are doing it fightsong. I found my inner child has become one, its awesome to get here, don't give up the hard battle, you are worth it. SD

*

Fightsong

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • 610
Re: emptiness
« Reply #19 on: February 20, 2017, 03:55:15 AM »
Cheers SD. See my post to practicals thread on the other board.  This too will pass, and it has. At least for now.
And yes I have a glimpse of just what you say this feels better than the last time. And clearer and more in my control . What a wonderful thing. I am so grateful that here is a place to  share these ups and downs  xxxFS