Will God be angry with me

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Irish-Molly

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Will God be angry with me
« on: February 13, 2017, 01:38:14 PM »
I am struggling once again with the honor thy mother issue. I have read many articles and when I am reading I say  to myself yes, that's it, I don't need to honor a parent who has ignored me, reversed roles with me, brushed aside any issue I may have, and only concentrated on herself, yet the honor thing is always in my head. It almost haunts me :(  I've read bible scriptures that help at the time but I can't get past it for long.

I do think other people make it worse, the ones who would do anything for a parent even if they were treated badly. I have a few who do this. My oldest brother flip flops, one minute angry, the next minute saying 'she doesn't mean to do it'  I see how enmeshed he is with her and it makes me sad.  I feel betrayed by him at times because I had  a good understanding relationship going with him, but he seems annoyed lately if I try to talk.  One day he said my youngest brother would be sorry  someday because God sees he doesn't do for mom, then next time he may say mom's so crazy and he's going to have her evaluated, then says 'just ignore her'

So confused by all the religious attachments to mom's.  I often wonder what God thinks of me. I know he sees what mom does, her mean ways about not caring what she says that may hurt others, her high and mighty personality.....but is he angry at me too


Some days I want to apologize to God about everything I write here on the forum, or think about. So messed up about things  :unsure:


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coyote

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Re: Will God be angry with me
« Reply #1 on: February 13, 2017, 02:58:27 PM »
IrishMolly
I understand you delima. I don't think that honoring our parents means taking abuse or doing everything for them. It also does not mean that we cannot be angry or frustrated with them. I am certainly no biblical scholar but my idea of God is that he understands we do the best we can everyday but we are not perfect. And I don't think God is reading our forum here and holding it against us. I think we need a place to vent and get support. I can't think of a better place.
How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.

 Wayne Dyer

The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem. Do you understand?

Capt. Jack Sparrow

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Adria

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Re: Will God be angry with me
« Reply #2 on: February 13, 2017, 03:06:38 PM »
Irish-Molly,

I understand where you are coming from.  I used to worry about it all the time. Then, one day I mentioned how I was feeling to my husband (my parents were horrible).  He said something that has made me laugh every time I think about it because it kind of put things into perspective. He said, "You did honor them . . . you didn't kill them. :doh:

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coyote

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Re: Will God be angry with me
« Reply #3 on: February 13, 2017, 03:50:03 PM »
That's funny; I don't care who you are.
How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.

 Wayne Dyer

The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem. Do you understand?

Capt. Jack Sparrow

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Joan

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Re: Will God be angry with me
« Reply #4 on: February 13, 2017, 03:57:45 PM »
I was very upset cause my mom was the enabler of our uPDs relatives. So I came to the priest with her (we are Catholic) and asked him about that, cause my mom knows the "give the other cheek" but she had never heard that Jesus had turned tables...

It was very nice cause he validated me and said that "Jesus had kicked some asses too!"  ;D 

Luckily, a friend of ours told us about a priest that gives counselling (he is a psychologist) to couples and families. We went there, my mom talked to him and felt way better (she was really depressed and no medication seemed to work). When I talked to him, I told him I believe my aunts are Borderline. You should had seen the look on his face! As if everything my mom had said made sense and fell into place.... He knows about uPDs and told me its a multi-generational problem (meaning it goes on and on in a family).
English is not my native language, I hope I made myself clear.

I truly recommend you talk to a priest (in case you are Catholic), I was pleasantly surprised by all the care and attention we are receiving. And I saw that both the priests I talked are very well-versed not only in theology but also in psychology.

Wish you the best! :bighug:

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Irish-Molly

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Re: Will God be angry with me
« Reply #5 on: February 14, 2017, 05:13:27 AM »
Joan, Thanks!  Yes Jesus sure did kick some ass!  That really helps me see that anger, frustration are all ok. It'd ok to be upset and God will understand.

Adria, Thanks! Love what your husband said ;D It sure does put in in perspective! 

coyote, Thanks!  you are right, God isn't reading here. He knows our trials and yes he does know we do our best.

Thanks to all and you really opened my eyes :bighug:

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Inurdreams

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Re: Will God be angry with me
« Reply #6 on: February 16, 2017, 09:56:15 AM »
I'm no biblical scholar either but I think that whole Honor thing is about not bringing shame on your parents by your actions.  IOW not being a murderer or thief or engaging in promiscuous or criminal behavior.  Times were very different when The Laws were written.  A child's behavior (bringing shame on their parents) could cause those parents and even the entire family to be shunned or exiled which could be devastating and dangerous when they depended on the safety of the entire village or clan.

Of course no one truly knows the mind of God, but He knows ours and everyone's hearts and struggles and why we do what we do.

Sometimes we can and even have to honor and love people from afar for our own safety.


Peek not through the keyhole lest ye be vexed. - Stephen King


Response to a Flying Monkey:  Apparently you are suffering under the delusion that I give a damn.

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142757

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Re: Will God be angry with me
« Reply #7 on: February 16, 2017, 12:50:09 PM »
1 Kings 2:19-23 - "So Bath-sheʹba went in to King Solʹo·mon to speak to him for Ad·o·niʹjah. At once the king rose to meet her and bowed down to her. Then he sat down on his throne and had a throne set for the king’s mother, so that she could sit at his right.  She then said: “There is one small request that I am making of you. Do not turn me away.” So the king said to her: “Make it, my mother; for I will not turn you away.”  She said: “Let Abʹi·shag the Shuʹnam·mite be given as a wife to your brother Ad·o·niʹjah.”  At this King Solʹo·mon answered his mother: “Why are you requesting Abʹi·shag the Shuʹnam·mite for Ad·o·niʹjah? You may as well request the kingship for him, for he is my older brother, and supporting him are A·biʹa·thar the priest and Joʹab the son of Ze·ruʹiah.”

 With that King Solʹo·mon swore by Jehovah: “So may God do to me and add to it if it was not at the cost of his own life that Ad·o·niʹjah made this request. "


2 Chronicles 15:16 - "As for even Maʹa·cah [his] grandmother, Aʹsa the king himself removed her from [being] lady, because she had made a horrible idol for the sacred pole; and then Aʹsa cut down her horrible idol and pulverized it and burned it in the torrent valley of Kidʹron. "


Mark 3:31-35 - "Now his mother and his brothers came, and standing outside, they sent someone in to call him.  As there was a crowd sitting around him, they said to him: “Look! Your mother and your brothers are outside asking for you.”  But he replied to them: “Who are my mother and my brothers?”  Then he looked at those sitting around him in a circle and said: “See, my mother and my brothers!  Whoever does the will of God, this one is my brother and sister and mother.”

Luke 12:49 - 53 -  “I came to start a fire on the earth, and what more is there for me to wish if it has already been lit?  Indeed, I have a baptism with which to be baptized, and how I am distressed until it is finished!  Do you think I came to give peace on the earth? No, I tell you, but rather division.  For from now on there will be five in one house divided, three against two and two against three.  They will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother, mother-in-law against daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law.”

These verses show honoring parents is not expected to be unconditional. The common thread in all of these verses is that a parent is not to be honored if they make an inappropriate request or do something inappropriate. Especially when it comes to keeping one's spiritual integrity. As usual w/PD's, they make those surrounding them adhere to "rules", while not holding themselves accountable. Thus, a parent expecting to be honored while not showing mutual respect to others goes completely against the Golden Rule, “Also, just as you want men to do to you, do the same way to them." - Luke 6:31

This doesn't mean we should cut them off at any slight on their part. What we can put up with, we should try to do so. But if we felt their behavior was affecting us or our families to an extreme level (especially when it comes to maintaining Christian conduct), then it wouldn't be improper to limit, if not cut off completely, contact with them.

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Irish-Molly

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Re: Will God be angry with me
« Reply #8 on: February 17, 2017, 05:44:36 AM »
142757, Thank You!  Each of these verses is very helpful.



"But he replied to them: “Who are my mother and my brothers?”  Then he looked at those sitting around him in a circle and said: “See, my mother and my brothers!  Whoever does the will of God, this one is my brother and sister and mother.”

This one above very much is my family.  Mom speaks of God often and how she prays and maybe she does, but then behaves in her self absorbed ways saying outrageous things, not thinking how her bold ways may hurt others.  My moms mouth is her biggest flaw.  I'm often embarrassed at things past and present she does.  I can't really know her true personal relationship with God but seems to me she's not practicing how God would like us to be. Sometimes I think my mom is so mentally messed up that she's oblivious to her actions, and other times it seems shes just manipulative.  :unsure:

I am flawed, imperfect and admit it. Mom would not admit it. 



  "  I think that whole Honor thing is about not bringing shame on your parents by your actions.  IOW not being a murderer or thief or engaging in promiscuous or criminal behavior.  Times were very different when The Laws were written.  A child's behavior (bringing shame on their parents) could cause those parents and even the entire family to be shunned or exiled which could be devastating and dangerous when they depended on the safety of the entire village or clan.

 inurdreams,  Thank you!  The above you wrote is so true. I always looked at it in  terms of what I do for mom, or I should not have these feelings  of anger but  thinking of it the way you describe makes me see I have honored her by trying to be a good human being

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Crayola13

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Re: Will God be angry with me
« Reply #9 on: February 19, 2017, 11:53:36 PM »
God is angry at your mother, not you. God's expectations of a mother are written clearly in the Bible.

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Spring Butterfly

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Re: Will God be angry with me
« Reply #10 on: February 25, 2017, 04:38:31 PM »
Have you seen this website?
http://luke173ministries.org/508101
http://luke173ministries.org/466798

When I researched honor I realized I do honor, and I would argue you also honor. I do not return like for like, I do not retaliate or manipulate, I do not yell or tantrum. Rather in return for toxic behavior I do nothing except set the same boundaries for uPDm and enF as for everyone else because boundaries are about me and my limits, what I can and cannot do, no matter who is asking. 

Now I'm fairly certain updm and enf choose not to view this as honor and that's OK. I no longer subscribe to dysfunctional definintions and rules and that's OK too. I've examined the scriptures for myself and understand honor means simply to care for others. I do care, in my heart and with kind and mild words but with strong boundaries and limits.
One cannot set boundaries and at the same time worry of others feelings. Knowing personal values and speaking truth makes boundaries easier for me.