Using food as a means of parental alienation (update to my previous post)

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Steve42

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Hi all, just wanted to update you on the weight gain issue...

In my previous post I said I believed my ex-wife was causing our son to gain weight in order to hurt me. Well I was wrong....but not by much.

Since that post my aspd-ex and I went to an appointment with a nutritionist (of course this only happened after I involved my attorney), and in the session she of course lied through her teeth and was generally crazy as she alsways is.

So the day after our session I called the nutritionist to schedule our follow up appointment and this is what she told me (slightly paraphrased of course):

Your ex was not being honest about what she gives your son to eat.

She is giving him junk food and sweets as a way to make your son want to be with her more than you.

Your ex didn't seem to be at all concerned about the weight gain.

Now during the session she told us both that if he gains anymore weight it will be a VERY serious problem.

So true to form, my ex just wrote me and told me that she will not be attending anymore sessions with the nutritionist because she didn't like the way that I belittled her in our last session and the way I tried to make her out to be a terrible mother  ::)

After our talk I realized that my ex is giving him junk because she knows that the more junk she gives him and the more weight he gains the more I will cut calories and make him drink water and not give desserts, etc. This has the effect of making him want to be with her and at the same time it makes him resent me. In other words: parental alienation.

THAT'S what this is....it is an extreme sociopathic form of parental alienation!!!!

So I'm going to call the nutritionist and ask if she will testify and that this is a medical emergency and hopefully I can somehow get temporary custody until our hearing in June.

I don't know if it's even possible, but to sit and watch your child gain weight and at the same time resent you more and more for being the "bad guy" is more painful than I can put into words.

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Stumbleon

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Re: Using food as a means of parental alienation (update to my previous post)
« Reply #1 on: February 17, 2017, 01:29:01 AM »
Hi Steve42, I am so sorry this is happening!! Sounds like you nailed it, PAS. I think they all draw from the same playbook. I don't have any direct experience with overfeeding, but is there a way to put a more detailed parenting plan in place which addresses meals and snacks?

We struggled with helping my (now 19 y.o.) son with his weight as an 8-14 year old. One thing that helped him a lot was swimming, that was the sport he wanted to get involved with. He also really enjoyed being on a team and it replaced a lot of time in front of a screen.

That's really all I can think of right now, I wish I had more helpful advice but just want you to know I understand and hope things get better.

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sweetpea79

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Re: Using food as a means of parental alienation (update to my previous post)
« Reply #2 on: February 17, 2017, 09:41:39 AM »
Sounds like you have a great plan.
I am so sorry your son has to go through this.
It is so realistic and so PA and SO something a PD parent would do.
My SD BM is very similar. She takes SD out to eat every night. She did it in the past and still does it even though we have moved and have less parenting time. That whole, my house is better than yours, I am the fun parent. It's very present.
BUT what these people do not realize. Eating out every night is not healthy. SD has gained a little bit of weight, but I predict she will gain more. She is just entering her "awkward" stage. BM has gained a TON of weight. BM did put in writing at one of her past attempts that we neglected SD in our home by not feeding her right.
Mind you, she always had three meals a day. And all home made. SO, just because we did not take her out to eat, doesn't mean we were neglecting SD.

Good luck with what your doing. It's the right thing.

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Steve42

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Re: Using food as a means of parental alienation (update to my previous post)
« Reply #3 on: February 17, 2017, 07:14:52 PM »
Thank you for the replies guys. Stumbleon, I could put it in our parenting plan, but there is one small issue with that....she has literally violated every single provision of the parenting plan. And I mean literally every single one:

She moved out a week after she was supposed to

She took nearly ALL of the furniture that was supposed to me mine, including a king sized bed (which meant I had to either pay my attorney to get it back or buy a new one....it was cheaper to buy a bed!)

She charged me $500 to sign the quit claim deed even though our agreement says she had to sign it

She took him to the doctor numerous times without telling me
 
and on and on and on........

So putting anything in our parenting plan is a complete waste of ink unfortunately.

And yes sweetpea, it is very PD. PD and evil.

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HotCocoa

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Re: Using food as a means of parental alienation (update to my previous post)
« Reply #4 on: February 21, 2017, 07:36:29 AM »
Steve, its good to hear you have a court date in June coming up.  Keep going to the nutritionist and keep a solid record of weight gain.  If the nutritionist doesn't want to go to court, see if they can be subpoenaed.  Not the best case scenario, but you really need their expert input with the judge about what they said about your child's mother.   I hope the court takes this seriously. 

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Stepping lightly

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Re: Using food as a means of parental alienation (update to my previous post)
« Reply #5 on: February 21, 2017, 11:55:38 AM »
Hi Steve,

It's great you have the nutritionist seeing through what's going on- that may help a LOT!  It never ceases to amaze me how PDs create these situations loaded with minefields for the non in which THEY should look bad...but somehow get away with it.  I know in our situation, if we tried to put something in the Parenting Plan; she wouldn't follow it...and she would say "see, he's such a sociopath trying to control everything...even what we eat!".

I'd totally subpoena the nutritionist- we learned the hard way not to be so easy on the involved professionals....they have a moral responsibility to stand up for the kids and not look the other way because  "it is too hard".

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Steve42

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Re: Using food as a means of parental alienation (update to my previous post)
« Reply #6 on: February 23, 2017, 11:14:49 PM »
Thanks so much guys, yes I will be subpenaing the nutritionist. The only problem is that even though she told me, "your ex appears to be using your son and not in a good way" and "she appears to have an agenda" etc. my attorney told me that stuff is not admissable. But she can testify that my ex didn't seem concerned at all about the weight and that my ex was lying in the session etc.

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Stepping lightly

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Re: Using food as a means of parental alienation (update to my previous post)
« Reply #7 on: February 24, 2017, 09:50:11 AM »
Just keep in mind- you never know what the nutritionist will say on the stand.  If she didn't want to testify, you may need to warm her up a bit to the idea.  Last thing you want is to subpoena her, piss her off, and she takes middle of the road that both parents are a problem.

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Steve42

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Re: Using food as a means of parental alienation (update to my previous post)
« Reply #8 on: February 25, 2017, 07:10:14 PM »
Just keep in mind- you never know what the nutritionist will say on the stand.  If she didn't want to testify, you may need to warm her up a bit to the idea.  Last thing you want is to subpoena her, piss her off, and she takes middle of the road that both parents are a problem.

Well when I taked to her she was clearly concerned and CLEARLY on my side (well on the side of our son I should say).

She said, "if there is anything I can do to help, please let me know" so I asked if she would talk to my attorney and she enthusiastically agreed.

I will definitely tell her beforehand about the subpoena and ask her if it's ok though, and if not we won't subpoena her. Thank you for the post!