142757,Yes, i think they think that God can fix even a PD. Even i believe that. But God hasnt fixed my husband so far, and i will not take him back in his present frame of mind. So for the church its enough for husband to say he's made mistakes, is sorry, and is ready to reconcile. I should be willing to take hubby at his word. Upstream
Upstream - Do you want help from the church elders? Do you want to stay in this congregation? Is it usually a place of support and comfort for you and your son? If the answer is no to these questions then I would not hesitate to move on to a new church creating a clean slate for you and your son and a finding a place where you are cared for and your H has no history or place there. Putting aside what the church elders or other ones in the congregation think or say - your faith community is for you and for your support and growth and going somewhere where your H has a long history, and I am assuming deep roots and some kind of standing in this community, may not be in your best interest anyway. I have never found that this type of a system is very good at putting the needs of the abused first. It seems that often times the abused in the relationship is forced to reconcile without any kind of sincere and proven repentance and true change demonstrated over time. Often it seems if the "right" words are said by the cheater or abuser then that is enough indication for those who are putting themselves in the position to make huge decisions over other people's lives. Ultimately, the elders do not have to live with the issues your H has, you do. They do not have to suffer as you and your son have. They cannot make you do anything that is not right and healthy for you and you do not owe anyone an explanation. If you want their help and trust them to have everyone's best interest in mind, then you will need to lay the entire truth out there and reveal the depths of issues you are dealing with in your marriage.