Hey all. It has been awhile since I have been on here. I have finally moved into my own apartment with our 2 young children after over a year of being separated from H. I have gone to a lawyer and had our papers drafted up, but not filed yet. I told H that I was done and that I wasn't coming back to live with him and reconcile. He has been a roller coaster ever since. At first, he didn't speak to me for weeks. Then he was mean, telling me that I am cruel, and ruining his life, and depriving my children from a father, etc. Then he says how much he misses me, and if I give him one more chance, things will be different and wonderful. He says that if I knew him, I would know how much he likes to make others happy, even more than himself (this is news to me) . But, he's not wrong, and that is the part that is so confusing to me. I AM depriving my children of their father. he lives 2,000 miles away and cannot move since he is in the military, so they rarely see him. (Although he did recently have a plane ticket to come visit and decided last minute not to come). He also accuses me of being manipulative, which maybe isn't wrong either. I was sneaky in leaving, and with my plans to not return. So, is he really any worse than me? ? Also, he really shocked me because with our tax return, he paid off my car! It was really generous of him, and I wasn't expecting him to do that. But I also feel that he did it so that he could guilt me into coming back. And at times, going back to him sounds great. It would be so nice to have a second parent to help with the kids, and have a companion. But then I remind myself of what it was really like. I am just really struggling with knowing that I am doing the right thing, and that I'm not really the bad guy here. Thanks for listening.