How you know your free..2 Items.

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gary

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How you know your free..2 Items.
« on: March 16, 2017, 11:34:36 AM »
In my opinion there are two things that must exist within us to finally know we are now free and can choose who you want to become.

 "When you reach the point of Indifference and there is no longer that itch for Validation."

I don't think one can reach total indifference if there is still an itch for validation.
« Last Edit: March 16, 2017, 11:45:55 AM by gary »
" A bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking, because its trust is not on the branch but on its own wings.

Believe in yourself ".


Josh S hipp

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Newlife33

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Re: How you know your free..2 Items.
« Reply #1 on: March 16, 2017, 12:03:55 PM »
Agree.  For so long I was walking around and not realizing how needy I was.  Once that passes and you can just "be" is a wonderful feeling.  Thanks for sharing.

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Foreignwoman

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Re: How you know your free..2 Items.
« Reply #2 on: March 16, 2017, 12:17:50 PM »
I think one can not totally be indifferent...

FW
Freedom is never voluntary given by the oppressor, it is demanded by the oppressed.

Martin Luther King, Jr

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gary

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Re: How you know your free..2 Items.
« Reply #3 on: March 16, 2017, 12:24:22 PM »
Hi  Foreignwoman

 I kinda like it when someone disagrees. That's what can make for good instructive conversation because I'm sure not an expert.

You may be right in certain areas now that I think about disecting it even further.

Myself I could care less if the BPDGF that brought me here is in a relationship or not. In fact I even photographed her wedding and my heart didn't skip a beat. But on the same hand I wish her no harm and it would hurt me if I heard she got injured or died. It would not make me do and thing or not do anything because of it but I would not be indifferent to her physical health or life or death...Just don't have those other feelings for her at all like I used to. So in that respect she is safe for me to be around or know what she is up to.  ;)
" A bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking, because its trust is not on the branch but on its own wings.

Believe in yourself ".


Josh S hipp

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http://gawalters.com/blog/

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Foreignwoman

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Re: How you know your free..2 Items.
« Reply #4 on: March 16, 2017, 12:40:01 PM »
Hi Gary,

For me, if I would be indifferent, I would amputate my feelings. It's okay to still feel something.
Validation is something I missed and try to give myself, but am very happy when I receive some from others, to help me stay human.

Real freedom is hard to accomplish, for me freedom is in my head, not the absence of feelings. The intention that I no longer let anyone abuse me is a form of freedom.

FW
Freedom is never voluntary given by the oppressor, it is demanded by the oppressed.

Martin Luther King, Jr

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gary

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Re: How you know your free..2 Items.
« Reply #5 on: March 16, 2017, 12:49:02 PM »
That works for me. Foreignwoman

See I opened this up even more for debate when I used the word "must"
Quote
In my opinion there are two things that must exist
.

I seldom speak in terms of absolutes because there are very few and also when I used to have to testify in court and here I did it.

LOL I knew it as soon as I hit send but decided what the hell.  ;)

I think how indifference came to me was like this:

I think our mind will try and protect itself if it get way off on a dangerous tract. I think with me it said, "Gary if you aren't going to protect your self then I'm going to have to do it for you because I'm not ready to check out ! "

Then behind the scenes it works on it.

I literally woke up one morning a few years later and it was just all gone. Just did not even care. I even checked myself to make sure it was real and not fooling myself but it's was good to go.
" A bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking, because its trust is not on the branch but on its own wings.

Believe in yourself ".


Josh S hipp

www.gawalters.com
http://gawalters.com/blog/

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Ellie307

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Re: How you know your free..2 Items.
« Reply #6 on: March 16, 2017, 04:25:07 PM »
I knew I was free when I made a decision and didn't put his feelings and opinions before my own.
"Make it worth the price we pay."
"Nothing changes if nothing changes."
"If there's one good piece of me left, I swear, it's mine and mine alone."

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tommom

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Re: How you know your free..2 Items.
« Reply #7 on: March 20, 2017, 07:04:08 PM »
Yes, Ellie307!!

I don't consider it "not caring" exactly, more like disconnecting from the drama, etc. Like you're watching a movie, almost. I can feel if he is upset, but I don't let that upset me anymore. I may feel sad about it, like I would the character in the movie, but it doesn't affect me in the same way it once did. (I don't know if that is quite how I mean to say it...)

He gets upset, I feel sorry he's upset because I am a nice, sympathetic lady, but I don't want to FIX what is making him upset. Did that sound right?

At first I thought "You did the photos for her wedding, Gary?!?!?!?" But then I realized you could certainly do that. It was your job. You finished being in her "movie' years ago!
"It is not my job to fix other people; everyone is on their own journey."

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gary

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Re: How you know your free..2 Items.
« Reply #8 on: March 21, 2017, 08:52:26 AM »
Yes, Ellie307!!

At first I thought "You did the photos for her wedding, Gary?!?!?!?" But then I realized you could certainly do that. It was your job. You finished being in her "movie' years ago!

Good way to put it tommom.  :yes:

Or as I like to put it...My half of the Velcro is now gone  ;)
" A bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking, because its trust is not on the branch but on its own wings.

Believe in yourself ".


Josh S hipp

www.gawalters.com
http://gawalters.com/blog/

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Fergie2

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Re: How you know your free..2 Items.
« Reply #9 on: March 23, 2017, 11:42:36 AM »
Thank you for posting this. I no longer need validation but I think the indifference comes with time. Great to know that there's an end in sight and I'm almost there, regardless of what's going on with other people (where their heads are at) or around me.

I'll be happy when I just stop caring and I know I'm almost there!
« Last Edit: March 23, 2017, 11:44:29 AM by Fergie »

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indigo_mae

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Re: How you know your free..2 Items.
« Reply #10 on: March 24, 2017, 02:18:37 AM »
I knew I was free when I made a decision and didn't put his feelings and opinions before my own.

OK this is a lightbulb moment THANK YOU

(from someone who is on the way to escaping!)

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Mariposa

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Re: How you know your free..2 Items.
« Reply #11 on: March 24, 2017, 01:18:05 PM »
For me its been no longer needing validation.

I've had a couple of psychic readings done during the past few years. I felt better when the psychic told me about things that happened in my marriage, it was like I needed to know I wasn't over dramatizing or taking things out of proportion.  She did tell me that people that have  not been in abusive relationships do not understand what we feel.  I no longer want to talk about with friends.  I had one recently done, was more concerned with what path I should take. Just a few things were said about it, and I then started to ask questions about my family, career.  my ex no longer has any influence over me, i am not interested in his life at all. I feel that even thinking about the pd gives energy and power to them. I'd rather put that energy into myself.