Therapist keeps on bringing up seeing my mother again - thoughts??

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argh

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Re: Therapist keeps on bringing up seeing my mother again - thoughts??
« Reply #15 on: March 19, 2017, 09:17:32 AM »
Daughter thanks so much - that is a BRILLIANT insight

xxxx

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Fuzzydog

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Re: Therapist keeps on bringing up seeing my mother again - thoughts??
« Reply #16 on: March 19, 2017, 04:10:47 PM »
Or perhaps your therapist simply can't deal with the idea that No Contact with your mother is a viable, positive thing.
After my dad died, my NM escalated the awfulness to a point that it drove me into therapy.  My therapist pointed out that she might be an N, so I researched it, and sure enough.  Anyway, this woman helped me a lot over the next nine years.  I went from being the scapegoat/servant to a pretty low contact situation, all with her help and guidance.  I learned a lot about self-care, about setting boundaries, about healing.  That still wasn't enough, so I decided on No Contact.  The entire process of building up to sending the letter (timing was key, both my nephews had weddings approaching and I didn't want to, in any way, cast a pall) was like wading through treacle with my therapist.  I felt like she wasn't supporting my decision at all, and that she really wasn't on my side with this.  She kept reminding me that it might be something I couldn't undo, telling me that I would profoundly regret it, etc etc etc.  She did vet the letter I sent, to make sure it was concise but not mean, then cautioned me against sending it.  At one point she told me I was over reacting.
I sent the letter, then told her that as much as I appreciated the help she had been to me for nine years, I was done.

The point here is, that some people can't seem to let go of the Sacred Maternal concept under any circumstances.  The extra sad part here is that most people who feel that way wouldn't question for a minute the idea of NC if there was ongoing physical abuse.

And, as an added irony, I really could have used a therapist to help me through the profound depression that followed, but I didn't trust her with this topic and it's just too exhausting to find a good match when you're depressed.
I have not, for a moment, regretted my actions, but as we all know, it's a hard thing to do.

Argh, stand firm on your own convictions.  Maybe discuss some of the ideas that have been presented here?  Your therapist may be able to benefit from some different perspectives.

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bopper

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Re: Therapist keeps on bringing up seeing my mother again - thoughts??
« Reply #17 on: March 20, 2017, 04:40:29 PM »
Imagine your mother would physically assault you if you visited (instead of emotionally).  Your therapist has equipped you with padding and a helmet with a facemask.   So you COULD go visit and not get majorly hurt, but why would you want to?
Just because they are incapable of loving you, doesn't mean that you are unlovable.
Anything makes the false self appear real is supply.

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JenniferSmith

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Re: Therapist keeps on bringing up seeing my mother again - thoughts??
« Reply #18 on: March 20, 2017, 05:54:44 PM »
I believe a wiser and more skillful response on the part of your therapist, in reaction to you saying you don't want to visit/see your mother, is to explore that further rather than to dictate what response you will take. He would be of more help/service to you by helping you articulate and gain clarity around your decision.

Often, just by saying things out loud, to another person, it helps us gain clarity and insight.

When therapists prescribe specific actions/behaviors, I believe it sets them up for problems just like this one. Its a sign that he has lost focus on your process, and shifted instead to his own process/beliefs/values/views.  Maintaining the focus on the client and his/her internal experience is a challenge, and the ability to consistently do that over time with each client is what separates very good therapists from average ones in my opinion and experience.

best wishes to you