This is unbelievable.

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LenKagamine

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This is unbelievable.
« on: March 19, 2017, 01:39:49 PM »
The aunt who was responsible for felonious abuse against me when I was a young boy texted me last night.

Apparently, she did something that made my grandmother cry, and she was trying to guilt me into dropping everything I was doing just so I could clean up her mess.

I responded to that by turning my phone off and continuing to try to enjoy my night out downtown.

This should not bother me.  But it does.

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Bloomie

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Re: This is unbelievable.
« Reply #1 on: March 20, 2017, 11:06:50 AM »
LenKagamine - It makes perfect sense this would bother you. Turning off your phone and ignoring was very wise and empowered. Can you block her contacting you again somehow?
Bloomie 🌸
"Some people really don't get it, that we matter as much as they do." Moglow
"It takes emotional maturity to maintain decent relationships." Spring Butterfly

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hellobliss123

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Re: This is unbelievable.
« Reply #2 on: March 20, 2017, 01:05:30 PM »
LenKagamine, good job on turning off your phone. Please go easy on yourself about it bothering you—it was a trigger and it is normal. I would be bothered too.

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DJR

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Re: This is unbelievable.
« Reply #3 on: March 20, 2017, 08:01:38 PM »
Well done for your response! Even though it still bothers you (which is totally undrstandable) you should be proud of your response to turn off your phone.

Could you go a step further and block her completely? However I can see the advantage of keeping her as a contact in your phone so when she rings you know not to answer, and when she texts you know to delete straight away without reading it. Saves you from being surprised by an unknown number.

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LenKagamine

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Re: This is unbelievable.
« Reply #4 on: March 21, 2017, 05:01:17 AM »
I blocked her completely on my phone.  Now my mother is telling me I am heartless for not fixing this mess.

I just have to say that for many years, I felt complicit in what my aunt did to me.  She basically told me that if I did not pleasure her dog, she would tell my mother that she caught me doing just that.  When I was twelve.  Then she insisted that she did not coerce me, she insisted that I consented.  And I believed that.  She kept me silent until long after the statute of limitations had expired on her offenses.  And my mother is telling me she had a hard life, and it was so long ago, and that I let her have the power over me even when I was twelve.  And I feel like vomiting quite often, because I remember it quite often.

My family tree is hopeless, but I am not.

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Newlife33

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Re: This is unbelievable.
« Reply #5 on: March 21, 2017, 11:09:25 PM »
It hurts because family isn't suppose to act this way.  Family is suppose to support and love us.  It's always gonna hurt when they contact us, that is why we have to eliminate them from our lives.  Even a simple contact or text can trigger a week or pain and mental anguish. 

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Hazy111

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Re: This is unbelievable.
« Reply #6 on: March 22, 2017, 11:12:30 AM »
Shaming and guilting you , so as to make themselves fell better about themselves. Sick.

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coyote

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Re: This is unbelievable.
« Reply #7 on: March 22, 2017, 11:22:16 AM »
Len,
You are not heartless at all and it is not your responsibility to "fix" anything. I can relate as I went through some abuse growing up. I won't go into details as it might be triggering for others here.

It took me a long time to forgive my perpetrators. For me though forgiveness gave me a sense of release from the pain and the memories. All I can say is what worked for me.

I agree you were wise to ignore the phone call. I am also glad to hear you are progressing in therapy. Unfortunately family does not always live up to their obligations to provide a safe environment for children. You therefore have to do what you need to do to keep yourself safe, physically and emotionally, at this point in your life.

Wishing you peace and strength as you move forward on this journey.

How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.
 Wayne Dyer

“The only person educated is the one who has learned how to learn and change.”  Carl Rogers

The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem. Do you understand?
Capt. Jack Sparrow

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bopper

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Re: This is unbelievable.
« Reply #8 on: March 22, 2017, 01:53:35 PM »
Consider blocking your mom too.
Just because they are incapable of loving you, doesn't mean that you are unlovable.
Anything makes the false self appear real is supply.

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LenKagamine

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Re: This is unbelievable.
« Reply #9 on: March 22, 2017, 06:25:24 PM »
Consider blocking your mom too.

The problem with blocking my mom would mean it would make things awkward with my boss.  I did not know this when I took the job, but sometimes my boss works with my mother at resource fairs.  I do not want to involve my boss in any drama with my mother.