Tired of being put down

  • 7 Replies
  • 198 Views
*

Mariposa

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • 671
Tired of being put down
« on: March 20, 2017, 08:34:52 AM »
I've been posting threads lately about how I feel people look down on me. It's like I progress in my self esteem and then I'm shot down again. This is occurring by family, friends and now strangers.  At friends and family urging I signed on to online dating. Friends etc feel if I'm not actively looking for a partner, I'm not healthy. So during the 2 weeks I've been online, I've had my picture insulted, people have said negative things to me ( why respond to an email if you are going to be rude), and had an initial phone call with an online guy who started talking about sex within the first 5 minutes, then said I sounded to "reserved" for him and that I needed to let loose and grow into the person I should be. He also added that I was in need of spiritual help ( he asked me if I was religious, I said yes. He didn't like the church but felt I was in need of help (?).  What the heck! In retrospect I should have ended the phone call immediately, but do to my nice formal ways- I didn't.   When I mentioned these things to friends, they tell me other people they know don't have these issues and it must be because of something in my profile.  It's always something that I'm not doing right .

I spent 20 years being criticized by my spouse. I am just so sick of it. I could probably live on a deserted island with my dog at this point and be the happiest person out there! This was more of a vent but I actually didn't sleep at all last night because of what that man said to me- inferring something is wrong with me because I am reserved. I told him I was happy with myself but he talked over me. II should get over this episode in a few days.

*

Inurdreams

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • 1316
Re: Tired of being put down
« Reply #1 on: March 20, 2017, 08:56:21 AM »
Hon, if you feel happy alone, then be alone so you can heal and stay away from online dating sites.

My DB, recently divorced, has been using online dating and it's been one disappointment after another.  It is not healthy for his self-esteem and may not be for yours either.

Are there no people, real living, breathing people, in your area that you can meet, in person?  I guess I'm too old to understand what is so appealing about meeting someone online.  I always wonder what's wrong with these people that no one they know in real life wants to date them.

To me, online dating it seems like a PD's dream come true to meet what they might consider lonely, submissive, vulnerable people.

I know it must hurt to be treated like that person treated you, but try to think of him as "no one".  He is just a name on the computer and has no control over you unless you allow it.  He may not be anything near what he says he is.  And if he is so wonderful why is he looking for someone, online, no less?

I am so sorry you have been treated this way.





« Last Edit: March 20, 2017, 08:58:40 AM by Inurdreams »
Peek not through the keyhole lest ye be vexed. - Stephen King


Response to a Flying Monkey:  Apparently you are suffering under the delusion that I give a damn.

*

coyote

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • 2722
Re: Tired of being put down
« Reply #2 on: March 20, 2017, 12:03:51 PM »
Mariposa,
Figure out what you want and to hell with what friends and family think. I don't know anyone that has had success with online dating. My own opinion is that when it is meant to happen you will meet someone. If these guys are doing so well then what are they doing online????

How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.

 Wayne Dyer

The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem. Do you understand?

Capt. Jack Sparrow

*

TakingFlight

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • 140
Re: Tired of being put down
« Reply #3 on: March 20, 2017, 06:51:35 PM »
If you're happy on your own at the moment, then don't feel obligated to date anyone just for the sake of it. It's perfectly okay to take time for yourself and focus on building a life that you enjoy. Take as much time as you need, and maybe think of some responses to have handy if friends/family try to pressure you into dating or "getting out there".

I know some people who've made friends or met someone special online, I've also had a mixed bag of responses when I tried it years ago. It's just another way to meet people really, but at the end of the day, it's your life, you get to make the decisions now. You deserve to live a life that is comfortable and enjoyable for you, not to please anyone else. No matter how well meaning friends and family can be, they aren't always right, and you don't have to do things to please them.

*

25below

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • 105
Re: Tired of being put down
« Reply #4 on: March 20, 2017, 09:57:39 PM »
I met my PD online.  I'd never do it that way again.   If I ever feel like starting a new relationship, I won't be looking into cyberspace.  It's even affected my ability to be here much on this forum. As solid as this forum seems,  I'll be forever freaked out to some degree by communicating with people I've never met. 

Others have no idea what we've been through, unless they've been involved with a PD, too.  Please don't let them judge you. 

Now we just have to be sure to give heed to those red flags that may appear in front of us.  No matter how you choose to meet people, please don't let the crazies judge you. 

I wish you the best!   We're all on your side.
"Disperse the gloomy clouds of night,
and death's dark shadow put to flight."

*

notrightinthehead

  • Host Member
  • Sr. Member
  • *
  • 607
Re: Tired of being put down
« Reply #5 on: March 21, 2017, 02:07:44 PM »
Like you, I seem to surround myself with people who criticize me and know better what I should be doing than I. I  seem to also attract people who like to exclusively talk about themselves and when I say something seem to impatiently wait till I am finished to talk some more about themselves.
Recently I have learned to excuse myself when I feel that slight irritation about being treated like that rise within me. I have been unavailable for some people. And frankly, a good movie, a nice long walk with my dog or a good book is immensly preferable to the company of some people in my life.

*

Summer Sun

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • 307
Re: Tired of being put down
« Reply #6 on: March 22, 2017, 10:05:35 AM »
Mariposa, on the positive side, you recognized being uncomfortable in the convo, red flags were waving.  While the comments felt unsettling, you knew who you are, and stated you are happy with who you are. 

Sometimes we are just too polite.  If you decide to pursue the OL dating, can you come up with a polite quick exit line?  Something like, I appreciate your time, but I sense this isn't working for me, but I wish you luck.  Click. 

Critical people can be demoralizing.  I have a list of my positive traits, at times, I've had to root them out and reread them when I've been put down, to remind myself, no, I have all these positive traits.  I am not perfect, but I am perfectly me, and, loveable.

Wishing you a day of comfort, reassurance and positivity.

SUmmer Sun
"The opposite of Love is not Hate, it's Indifference" - Elie Wiesel

*

Mariposa

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • 671
Re: Tired of being put down
« Reply #7 on: March 22, 2017, 06:13:05 PM »
Thank you for everyone's support and posts. I actually had to take the morning off because of  my emotions  from the conversation the night before. I've put things into perspective, and am realizing that I don't owe anyone my time if I feel uncomfortable. I'm learning to be more assertive, but it is difficult. Online dating, or even dating at this point, is not appropriate for me at this time. I hate being stuck, actually stuck is not the right word, more so that I haven't finished healing yet.  When I look back at myself from 3 years ago, so  much has changed for the better, it makes me feel there is hope for the future. I have to let my friends and family know I have to do things at my own pace.Everyone take care.