hello there

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Freeman X

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hello there
« on: March 20, 2017, 05:16:11 PM »
I am MrFlow, an 28  years old immigrant living all my entire life as a servant of fixing my dysfunctional family problems in a country (Greece) with high unemployment or extreme underemployment and the worst immigrant legalization politics and hate toward our race (well I dont blame them. I hate my race too)

I am really wrecked and I cant stand it anymore and I joined here to learn so I can cope with it or learn something about it.


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Bloomie

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Re: hello there
« Reply #1 on: March 20, 2017, 05:57:43 PM »
Hi Mr. Flow. You are not alone having spent your life trying to fix others in our family. It was such a relief to me to come here and find this amazing mantra that you may find as liberating as I have...the 3 C's Rule which says: "I didn't cause it, I can't change it, and I can't cure it" and that is just simply so true.

Take full advantage of the resources at the tabs above, read and absorb the conversations taking place on the boards and when you are ready share a bit more about what brings you here. We welcome you.
Bloomie 🌸
"When there is no enemy within, the enemies without cannot hurt you." African Proverb
The 3 C's Rule: "I didn't Cause it, I can't Cure it, and...I can't Control it." http://outofthefog.website/what-to-do-2/2015/12/3/the-3-cs-rule

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Freeman X

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Re: hello there
« Reply #2 on: March 21, 2017, 11:53:19 AM »
My story

My mother had been divorced from my alcoholic narc father when I was 15. I was supporting her and my brother financially cause I always felt obligated and guilty and I sacrificed my life for trying to fix them and my alcoholic father too while he always managed to sabotage my independence, my success at school and generally my success at my life. He destroyed my legalization, bullied me always and take advantage because of unemployment in this country (greece). I have been attacked from society because that's what my covert NF was doing always as I realize and I am kind of a virgin (never had relationship or sex except sometimes (not over 10 times) when I was working at summer with tourists when I was too drunk cause I couldnt stand my sexual urges and dont felt guilty for having fun except the other days when the alchohol was gone. Note: I am an good looking guy I could say and a lot of  good looking girls have hitting on me especially when I was working on tourist place but I never reciprocate just flirt so I can improve my ego or smth like that.

My story is a really really long story but I want to focus more on fixing my self and my life. Making badass choices and unhealthy ones. I dont care about myself. I just got a really dangerous disturbing accident and I didnt gived a shit. It could mean losing my foot and I didnt give a shit, I thought that I was badass but the real thing is that I am a victim of NPD father and menatlly ill mother who have used me for their own benefits and have drived me crazy. I always had that strange thing if I am crazy or all the world is crazy with these fked up advice that they give me and these fcked up life that they lead. I have realized this year that yeah, my family is extremely dysfunctional, my social circle is extreme dysfunctional too ( they have no school, no manners, nothing except deceit, bully, personal benefits etc), most of the part of my society is dysfunctional. I dont know about the world because I havent live everywhere but as I see at media I am pretty curious about it too. The world is crazy and their advice sucks. The world is full of deceit and manipulation for personal benefits and mostly full of idiots following ideologies and advices of these people. I was right from my young age that there is something wrong (dysfunctional) with my family, society and generally the world.

The dream that I saw the moment I learned about all this stuff

The night that I learned about it I saw dream where the world is getting destroyed (my fake world) by a giant meteor and I was so happy about it while everyone was running to save themselves. The next day I felt so happy that I never felt on all my entire life. I felt like a disease was being destroyed inside my head, I really felt it like a disease was being removed. All my sadness was gone and my hope for getting a healthy normal life was increasing.

My Current Situation

I want to focus on my current situation and improve my life

I am at home right now with my NF, mentally ill mother (schizophrenia) and my drug narc brother. I can't stand them anymore. They create chaos out of nowhere. It took me 2 decades to realize their silly games and fkd up characters and still couldnt get it except the moment that I found about ootfog articles.

Unfortunately we rent, pay the electricity and water at my own name. My brother is super narc trying to terrorize me at my own home with full disrespect bringing people (once he brought a homeless so he can look a good guy to his friends/victims without asking anyone) while he never payed a cent at anything and always took money from my mentally ill mother working and from me he took about 15 years through manipulation/deceit and playing the victim, playing sick and putting guilt on me. My mind is limit full. I cant process it how far they can go. I cant really genuinely mentally process it.

I own him really easily. I am afraid of fighting him because I would braked him some bones or something like that in moment of rage but he still manages to challenge me for no apparent reason. He is so easy for me and he know it but still tries to terrorize/bully me because of exposing his veil/evil/zero value and really weak character living in expense of others like a parasite like our father.

First of all I have realized that for emotional disconnection it becomes easier when you stop calling them father, mother or brother and call them by names even when speaking with others or generally when you call them. I detach easier like this.

PS: I just read my story and I could hardly understand it because of bad grammar. I have really long time practicing my English and it's my first time posting in English.
I will try to be really careful on my next posts.
Do you know some online programms about fixing  my grammar / my english
« Last Edit: March 22, 2017, 11:02:49 AM by Bloomie »

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Freeman X

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Re: hello there
« Reply #3 on: March 21, 2017, 12:30:30 PM »
I want to go NO CONTACT

Fortunately I have a work right now and my future looks brightful. It's just that they have left me a debt of a thousand euro (4+ months work saves for here) and I dont know what should I do excactly and I dont want to quit (going NC) with my mother because she is a non-PD person but still manages to manipulate me through fear of staying alone and searching for me where I am like she is my gf or something like. She dont want me to see with gf and she always manipulates and take advantage of me because I try to fix her. I want to quit her too but I dont want to quit to these veil people (father and brother). I am 95% of quitting her because I stayed a year with her and instead of trying to fix her she absorbed me in her mentally disturbed crazy world. I was looking myself going crazy trying to fix her. I couldnt believe that. Well she deserves to suffer,

I have always justified them and made a really immature non professional diagnose. I told about my father that it was alcohol making him a bad person while I learned it through first hand after 10 years that no, it wasnt alcohol making him bad. I said about my brother that he hadnt a father from the age of 12 and because of drugsand that's why he became bad but no, it wasnt that. After 3 of trying to analyze his behavior it have become clear that it was his character. The same goes for my mother too. It is her lazy comfort zone character that she is like that and not because of her mentall illness. I have test them all for years and that's my final conclusion.

 I tried alcohol for 2 years in a daily basis, I smoked weed for a year (4 months everyday and then 2 times/month, I dont really remember) and still was the man of hunting my goals of fixing my family and my life and not became a bad person. Fak this shit. This was just a waste of my entire young life, that's why I want really bad to go NC and have some kind of guidance.

PS: Of course I am going to buy this forum book. I am really appreciated for this website.
« Last Edit: March 22, 2017, 11:03:05 AM by Bloomie »

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Bloomie

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Re: hello there
« Reply #4 on: March 22, 2017, 11:12:33 AM »
Hi again Mr. Flow - I combined your intro story here and removed the duplicate post for clarity. Thanks for sharing more of what brings you here and your story with us. It is a lot on your plate that is for sure. I am so thankful you have a bright future ahead and are learning to turn away from trying to fix everything for others that do not want to be fixed.

I highly recommend engaging on the forum boards by asking questions and sharing in a way that will bring insights and responses from our wise community here. Journaling is something that can bring tremendous release and insights and is a great thing for you to do in your quiet and reflective times privately. However, posting on any of our boards as a personal journal is something our guidelines don't allow, but we welcome your sharing questions and issues you are encountering with your PD family members on any of the forum boards that best fit your situation.

A couple that I could suggest are:

Going NC with PD Parents
Dealing with PD Parents
Dealing with PD Siblings and other Family Members
Dealing with PD Elderly Family Members

Strength and peace to you as you continue to pursue healing and insights in your journey! Again, welcome!
Bloomie 🌸
"When there is no enemy within, the enemies without cannot hurt you." African Proverb
The 3 C's Rule: "I didn't Cause it, I can't Cure it, and...I can't Control it." http://outofthefog.website/what-to-do-2/2015/12/3/the-3-cs-rule