It is a long way from where she lives, hundreds of miles and might be awkward with my husband's family if she turns up unannounced.
I guess what I'm wondering is does she not get it? Should i try and write back and say, no I don;t want to see you or spell it out a bit more. Not sure.
Letters appear to be a hoover attempt, to solicit a response from you, via a gift which supposedly triggers an obligation to provide a thank-you. Have any of those letters acknowledged the underlying problematic issues in your relationship? I bet they don't. So unless you're ready to resume relations in same dysfunctional mode that triggered your detachment, I'd suggest not responding in-kind.
my en dad told me that she 'still loves me and I would still be welcome' at hers. As if, I have done something wrong and she is prepared to forgive me.