Consequences falling to the next generation - One mother's vent

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momnthefog

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BPD d has lost another job.  Grandchild is staying with a relative until she "figures things out." 

I'm nudging her to file for benefits, leave child where child is currently living, and get out of her "chosen" employment field (which is commission based).

Each time I try gently and BELIEVE me, I'm walking on eggshells, it's an excuse of why she's not going to get any assistance (the system is rigged), how much she misses the child (not what's in the best interest of the child), and I can make a lot of money once I build up my clientele (and in the meantime get further in debt and live in financial instability).

It's painful watching the consequences fall to the next generation.

momnthefog



"She made broken look beautiful and strong look invincible.  She walked with the universe on her shoulders and made it look like a pair of wings."

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Latchkey

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Re: Consequences falling to the next generation - One mother's vent
« Reply #1 on: April 15, 2017, 05:24:10 PM »
I'm so sorry to hear this is going on. I don't have much to offer as it sounds like you are doing all you can. I know my friend who is in her 60's has a BPD daughter and cares for her grand daughter (7) full time. Her BPD Daughter has done many things that have endangered her grand daughter. It is probably for the best that your D is more self focused right now if your grand child is safe. When my friend's BPD daughter focuses on her daughter 7 she usually messes things up worse.

Last winter she pulled the child out of a stable home with her grandma and went to live in a shelter with her for 3 weeks and no one really understood why.  GD7 missed those weeks of school. Luckily she was only in Kindergarten at the time. She refuses to let my friend (her mother the grandmother to GD7) be the guardian-- so all school paperwork has to go through the mother who is absent most of the time. Anyway, I'm so sorry you are dealing with this and hope things settle and plateau for a while which seems the best one can hope for with these situations.

 :bighug:
« Last Edit: April 15, 2017, 05:25:49 PM by Latchkey »
Pray for the dead and fight like hell for the living.
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There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.
-Maya Angelou
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When we have the courage to do what we need to do, we unleash mighty forces that come to our aid.

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momnthefog

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Re: Consequences falling to the next generation - One mother's vent
« Reply #2 on: April 16, 2017, 06:04:28 AM »
Thanks Latchkey,

It's sad watching.  I had the opportunity to visit with both daughter and grandchild for 6+ hours this weekend as I was close to the other grandparents. 

My grandchild is doing well and I'm grateful the other grandparents could step in.  I still have teens at home and travel for my job.  There's just no way I can do this at this stage in my life.

Yes, a plateau would be nice.  And as unfortunate as the job loss is....the good thing is the child is with grandparents I trust and can contact.

momnthefog

"She made broken look beautiful and strong look invincible.  She walked with the universe on her shoulders and made it look like a pair of wings."

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Latchkey

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Re: Consequences falling to the next generation - One mother's vent
« Reply #3 on: April 16, 2017, 11:55:52 AM »
Oh, it's so much. I have another friend who is 48 and is living with her daughter 24 and grand daughter 5. Her daughter is not a PD but my friend, who is a single mom, has really struggled to keep it all together since her D  (who has an ADHD diagnosis) dropped out of college and then got pregnant a few months later. There are no other kids thankfully, but I see how exhausting this is. Her D is supposed to be moving out soon with her GD5 and the sense of relief in my friend is so huge that it made me realize just how much stress she has been under trying to manage a full time job, school, and single grand parenting.
When you mix a PD child into the grandparenting-- things get so much more complicated.
I'm glad your GD is safe and in school and doing well.
Pray for the dead and fight like hell for the living.
-Mother Jones
-
There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.
-Maya Angelou
-
When we have the courage to do what we need to do, we unleash mighty forces that come to our aid.