Midnite I understand. Are you in therapy? I do remember that incident with your son. You have been trough a lot and yes my self defense suggestion seems stupid now. Sorry
Midnite, I didn't know he was a cop. Now, I totally get it! I used to work with them. That takes things to another level. They are a different breed. I am so sorry for what you have been through and are dealing with. It is very painful to read your posts. Please be very careful and safe. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Hi Midnyteblu, does your ex have a formal PD diagnosis? PDs and psychopaths appear similar but are very different creatures underneath. I have been reading a blog called psychopathsandlove.com and find the author has some very insightful posts about how to survive and move on from a relationship with a psychopath which you might find helpful.
Mid, I applaud you for your great instincts. I bet you had to develop them during the trauma and torture he inflected on you. He may be super cop but look how you caught him in little odd comments, ex about your break times, etc. I'd say you are pretty vigilant and sharp. Don't underestimate your brightness.
I too was non combative during my expdh rages. I never escalated out of sheer fear but in the end he would still blame and I say I provoked him .
I agree with your nonwanting to confront these people. I say Ignore them and don't engage. Concentrate on building up your support system or "buddy" system so you can not be alone where possible. Your expdh is mentally unstable and how do you fightback a sick mind???? Just don't engage. Hopefully you will bore him and he will move on. He is liking the chase so just play dead like we are told to do if a wild animal was chasing and hunting us. He doesn't like how he has lost physical control over you. So he is trying to keep controlling your thoughts, your mind. Have zero contact with his flying monkeys. Stay off social media for a while. I know this contradicts the whole take your life back and don't let him dictate your actions,but we are talking about a PD sociopath. You need to stay safe. Hugs to you.
Liftedfog and midnyte,I don't think what lifted is saying contradicts, "take your life back" at all. You are making wise choices about how to deal with a crazy person. Whether you choose to engage or not, and I see non engagement as a wise choice, it is still your choice. Midnyte you are taking your life back. If it were a win for him he would not still be stalking you. And I doubt he is done contacting you. You are working on yourself, choosing not to be with him. You will get through this. We are here for you
One counselor advised me privately to have an escape plan ready because of the freuqency and intensity of his rages and how out-of-control he became. This counselor said that my ex was of the type to escalate to the point of killing me. While I'm not so sure about THAT, I knew it would become severely violent if I didn't leave soon.My private counselor has unofficially summed up that my ex has serious mental health issues, and is on the far end of the narcissistic spectrum. And when recounting incidents with other survivors, I've heard repeatedly that he's malignant.