Counsellor wants to transfer me after everything. Im shocked

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Broken heart

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Re: Counsellor wants to transfer me after everything. Im shocked
« Reply #15 on: April 19, 2017, 06:33:32 PM »
I have already gone to his clinical supervisor. This was over a month ago and the supervisor told me no more of H foo. Another month has passed since the meeting blew up into outer space.

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MLR

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Re: Counsellor wants to transfer me after everything. Im shocked
« Reply #16 on: April 21, 2017, 06:20:46 AM »
Talk to your counselor's supervisor again.  Tell that person about in laws continued contact with your counselor.   This guy is screwing up big time.  Maybe ask the supervisor for a referral.

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clara

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Re: Counsellor wants to transfer me after everything. Im shocked
« Reply #17 on: April 21, 2017, 09:49:03 AM »
Been there, done that.  I agree that this counselor is out of his depth and knows it but won't acknowledge it so wants to put it on you.  By telling  you that you were "confusing" him he more or less admitted it.  I wouldn't take his transfer but would try to find someone on my own because often they transfer you to someone who has similar training and approaches--someone they know personally as well as professionally. 

Bad therapists are out there and are often usually the ones who will try to make you believe you're a "bad client."  Cut ties and be done with him.  You deserve the best you can get and he's clearly not good enough. 

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Broken heart

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Re: Counsellor wants to transfer me after everything. Im shocked
« Reply #18 on: April 21, 2017, 01:06:06 PM »
I was really hoping this would have been the last time I'd need to be transferred etc. We've been through a few counsellors and this tends to be the end result because h twists it to serve himself. The fog is thick and choking with him and his foo. The beginning is the hardest right? I fear that having yet another counsellor will just discourage me. I'm already feeling that way.
« Last Edit: April 21, 2017, 01:15:23 PM by Broken heart »

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DJCleo

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Re: Counsellor wants to transfer me after everything. Im shocked
« Reply #19 on: April 21, 2017, 01:51:23 PM »
I was really hoping this would have been the last time I'd need to be transferred etc. We've been through a few counsellors and this tends to be the end result because h twists it to serve himself. The fog is thick and choking with him and his foo. The beginning is the hardest right? I fear that having yet another counsellor will just discourage me. I'm already feeling that way.

Is there a chance that you need to go on your own to therapy and leave your husband out of the sessions until he comes Out of the FOG? I can't imagine trying to do therapy with someone who doesn't have the same goals and isn't in the same mindset as I am.

I find therapy helps me become clearer with myself. It helps me figure out what I want to DO when it's in terms of what I do to / with /around my husband or his FOO. That's not to say that I don't love him, because I certainly do. It's not to say that we couldn't make couple's therapy work, because we could. It's not to say that he's doing a horrible job of dealing with his FFO, because he's doing very well considering everything.

It's just so hard to get through ANYTHING with a couple talking to one person (counselor) that it almost doesn't make sense in a lot of circumstances.

If it were me I'd consider going alone for now and only including your husband in the sessions when you and your counselor decide it's time. You need safe space for your thoughts, feelings, and emotions as well as your ideas. Your ideas need to be honored and a therapist can work with you one-on-one and possibly get a lot more accomplished.

That's my two cents.

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kayjewel

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Re: Counsellor wants to transfer me after everything. Im shocked
« Reply #20 on: April 21, 2017, 07:19:41 PM »
I was really hoping this would have been the last time I'd need to be transferred etc. We've been through a few counsellors and this tends to be the end result because h twists it to serve himself. The fog is thick and choking with him and his foo. The beginning is the hardest right? I fear that having yet another counsellor will just discourage me. I'm already feeling that way.

The reason you're discouraged is probably because you're playing H's game, using his rules, on his playing field, and with referees (the counselors) who are not impartial and competent. The referees are part of H's game. You cannot win under those circumstances. The game is rigged against you.

Get off of H's playing field and onto your own. Find your own counselor who is not connected to H, his FOO, or the current counselor.

Edited to add: Saying "I keep being transferred" gives all your power away to other people who do not have your best interests at heart. Take back your power. Stop playing their game.
There is no coming to consciousness without pain. People will do anything, no matter how absurd, in order to avoid facing their own soul. One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.
-- C. G. Jung

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Broken heart

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Re: Counsellor wants to transfer me after everything. Im shocked
« Reply #21 on: April 21, 2017, 09:03:52 PM »
 :yeahthat:

Thank you!

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DJCleo

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Re: Counsellor wants to transfer me after everything. Im shocked
« Reply #22 on: April 21, 2017, 10:12:16 PM »
I was really hoping this would have been the last time I'd need to be transferred etc. We've been through a few counsellors and this tends to be the end result because h twists it to serve himself. The fog is thick and choking with him and his foo. The beginning is the hardest right? I fear that having yet another counsellor will just discourage me. I'm already feeling that way.

The reason you're discouraged is probably because you're playing H's game, using his rules, on his playing field, and with referees (the counselors) who are not impartial and competent. The referees are part of H's game. You cannot win under those circumstances. The game is rigged against you.

Get off of H's playing field and onto your own. Find your own counselor who is not connected to H, his FOO, or the current counselor.

Edited to add: Saying "I keep being transferred" gives all your power away to other people who do not have your best interests at heart. Take back your power. Stop playing their game.


I agree. That why I was saying get your own individual counselor. Maybe even go as secretly as possible at least for a while.

If your husband isn't supporting you and is part of the problem.... you need to do counseling in your own.

No contact with his FOO no matter what. He needs to deal with that.

I feel terrible saying this.... but if your husband is really using counselors against you then what hope is there for your marriage? Hopefully someone will chime in and add something way more constructive, but it doesn't sound like you have a lot to work with. I'm so sorry you're going through this.


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DJCleo

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Re: Counsellor wants to transfer me after everything. Im shocked
« Reply #23 on: April 21, 2017, 10:40:34 PM »
Toxic In Laws: strategies for protecting your marriage- I'm about half way through the book. If you've never read it I'd give it a read. I think it's relevant to your situation.

We're rooting for you!

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Broken heart

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Re: Counsellor wants to transfer me after everything. Im shocked
« Reply #24 on: April 21, 2017, 11:04:04 PM »
Thank you all very much. I will pick up that book and others that have been recommended. Im so tired of feeling so alone and that this wearing down will stop. Seems like thats pd MO - pick and pry and wear down and attack when down. Rinse and repeat.

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Medowynd

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Re: Counsellor wants to transfer me after everything. Im shocked
« Reply #25 on: April 22, 2017, 12:42:03 AM »
I agree that having your own counselor is the best.  And keep your H away from them.  I would not be surprised if your H tried to move in on your counselor.  He has you trapped with all of this garbage with his family and I don't see him wanting to let you go.  And I would keep the identity of your counselor to  yourself, because if the PDSIL finds out, who knows if she will attempt to contact them.

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DJCleo

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Re: Counsellor wants to transfer me after everything. Im shocked
« Reply #26 on: April 22, 2017, 08:41:52 AM »
How will broken heart keep the therapist name completely to herself in terms of insurance billing?

Who is in charge of your insurance in your home? Sometimes my insurance just gets billed with "proxy provider", whereas usually it gets billed with the real provider name.

 Be crafty.

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Broken heart

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Re: Counsellor wants to transfer me after everything. Im shocked
« Reply #27 on: April 24, 2017, 08:30:06 PM »
We are actually going to free counselling. We simply cannot afford a psychologist. This counsellor was highly recommended through the family resources center. He has great credentials too and is a phd candidate. I may be able to find funding somewhere otherwise I'm kinda stuck in that regard.