In the fog...

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goes211

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In the fog...
« on: April 20, 2017, 10:24:46 AM »
It's only been 3 weeks since my reading and research finally led me to understand my wife's NPD after 14 years.

Six months ago I was struggling for answers. At the time I wrote this, with no frame of reference. Looking back at it now,  I realize that I was spot on...

It's not normal...
*for one person to control the keys and access to the documents that are holding our lives hostage, and blaming the other person for not working on them.
*for two people to be in each others' company 24 hours a day.
*for one person to control the activities of the other day in and day out.
*for one person to talk all day nonstop...and tell the other person that HE talks nonstop all day.
*for a person to contantly analyze her brain function, and how diet and environmental factors affect said function...to the point that virtually all other aspects of daily life are ignored.
*for one person to insist on doing all the work, and then accuse the other of not doing anything.
*to go shopping and then return half the items...not once but on a regular basis.
*for a spouse to forbid the other to accept a perfectly good job offer...because she thinks she will be responsible for feeding the other full time at the expense of her entire life.
*and then scream at him insisting that he take the job.
*and then an hour later saying the opposite again.
*for a spouse to fly into violent rages on a semi regular basis.
*for one spouse to insist on renting an apartment, sign a lease, and then scream to get out of it.
*for one spouse to criticize said apartment and blame the other for renting it.
*for the same spouse to say that the same apartment saved her life, and take full credit for making the effort to rent it, claiming the other didn't want to do anything.
*for one person to treat the other's phone interviews and appointments as a distraction and an imposition on her personal time and space.
*and afterward criticize said opportunity for weeks without full knowledge of or interest in the details.

Thanks to this group I am finally  beginning to move in the right direction.

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Aardvark

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Re: In the fog...
« Reply #1 on: April 20, 2017, 11:22:56 AM »
Sounds a lot like my updW, except, in place of the apartment you could put house. She found the design, had it built, we're living in it and she blames me. :stars:
"It is better to be careful 100 times than to get killed once."
Mark Twain

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coyote

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Re: In the fog...
« Reply #2 on: April 21, 2017, 09:28:49 AM »
Coming OOTF is a journey to be sure. Glad you are on your way :applause:
How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.
 Wayne Dyer

“The only person educated is the one who has learned how to learn and change.”  Carl Rogers

The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem. Do you understand?
Capt. Jack Sparrow

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Ellie307

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Re: In the fog...
« Reply #3 on: April 21, 2017, 05:16:52 PM »
It's a bittersweet experience to finally have answers to why the one you love behaves the way they do. You no longer have to question your own sanity. However, the "light bulb moments" will occur more often which will cause more pain and confusion.
Please take care and put yourself first during this difficult time.
Wishing you peace and strength for whatever path you feel is best for YOU.
"Make it worth the price we pay."
"Nothing changes if nothing changes."
"If there's one good piece of me left, I swear, it's mine and mine alone."