Two days ago my son announced he was fine

  • 12 Replies
  • 463 Views
*

Adria

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • 463
Two days ago my son announced he was fine
« on: May 14, 2017, 03:34:19 PM »
Two days ago, my son who was diagnosed with schizophrenia (which is more like Pellagra (same symptoms) because he has a malabsorption issue to vitamins and amino acids) announced he is over his illness and quit taking his vitamins.  All it takes to stop the delusions, paranoia and voices is 3000 mgs vitamin C and 3000 mgs. of vitamin B3 a day. That's it.  You would think that it is not too much to ask considering the drugs with horrible side effects they put him on in the past.

He was hospitalized five times  last year and headed for the state institution because they could not bring him back around.  Well, long story short, I put him on the vitamin C and B3 and he snapped right out of it almost instantly.  He has been up and running for a year perfectly fine, holding a good job, brand new car, friends with no signs of illness.  I thought we were done with all of it.

Now within the last couple days he has deteriorated significantly. I am just beside myself.  I looked in his cupboard and he hasn't taken his vitamins.  I feel numb and paralyzed.  My son and I have a wonderful relationship when he is well, but it goes bad when he gets paranoid.  I'm past the point of caring what my narc dad thinks or my narc ex, but I hate that my son will most likely call them and have a bashing session against me.  When my son is well,  he has nothing to do with them as he knows how creepy they are. It makes my father really happy when my son becomes ill.  It helps justify his smear campaigns.

Dh and I could really use some prayers this week as I feel it may not be pretty.  I just can't believe that we are going down this road again after what a great year we all had. Even with a great year, it seems we are still always on high alert.  It seems all dh and I do is rescue everybody and we never get the chance to be a couple.  I just keep waiting for someday, but don't know if that day will ever come. :-\


*

momnthefog

  • Host Member
  • Sr. Member
  • *
  • 706
Re: Two days ago my son announced he was fine
« Reply #1 on: May 15, 2017, 10:06:39 AM »
Adria,

My heart breaks for you.

To have worked so hard with him to help him regain his life.  And now to know what's looming ahead.  The stress at times for parents of significantly ill PD adult children is unbearable. 

Maybe it's time for you and DH to focus on being a couple.  What would that look like?  What would it look like to have boundaries and to enforce those boundaries with your son?  I know that's easier said than done. 

Nothing changes if nothing changes.

Can you get some counseling for you?  Are there any Al-Anon or other co-dependency groups available?   I know this is a mental illness in your son, but from my experience living with PD kids, my "illness" was my obsessive co-dependency/enabling/wanting to fix them. 

It hasn't been easy with my son.  As I've let things take their natural course, he has continued to be homeless, unemployed, HIV positive, and drug addicted.  It hasn't gotten better for him.  Its gotten worse.  But it was always getting worse.  No matter how much I gave in money, time, resources, love, mentoring.  Nothing made a positive difference in his life for very long.

But for me....when I learned to detach and still love the boy....my life changed for the better. 

You will be in my prayers, as will your son and DH.

momnthefog 


"She made broken look beautiful and strong look invincible.  She walked with the universe on her shoulders and made it look like a pair of wings."

*

Adria

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • 463
Re: Two days ago my son announced he was fine
« Reply #2 on: May 15, 2017, 01:01:47 PM »
Oh Mominthefog, I am so sorry for your situation with your son as well. It sounds like you did everything you could as well. It becomes all consuming. We have been in counseling, we even moved from our beautiful home into a little chicken coop home so we could build him a separate apartment. As I am sure you understand, it has taken a tremendous toll on me and dh's health.

Quote
my "illness" was my obsessive co-dependency/enabling/wanting to fix them.

Yup, that's what I do and I don't know how to stop myself.  Everytime I put up a boundary, it's when I shouldn't have. Everytime I don't take a phone call, I should have.  We are trying to figure out how to disengage more and become a couple.  I just don't know. Everything is swirling around again. Today, everything seems impossible. You are right "Nothing changes if nothing changes." Thank you so much for the thoughts and prayers.

I wish you and your son the best and will keep you in our prayers as well.
« Last Edit: May 15, 2017, 01:05:46 PM by Adria »

*

momnthefog

  • Host Member
  • Sr. Member
  • *
  • 706
Re: Two days ago my son announced he was fine
« Reply #3 on: May 16, 2017, 08:55:04 AM »
Adria,

It is a very difficult thing to establish healthy boundaries with the mentally unhealthy and unstable, whether that person is your child or your spouse.

For me the first step was to stop taking care of him and to take better care of me and the other children.  I realized that I was exhausted.  While I was trying to manage his unmanageable life, I was losing mine.

Just for today, I wish you peace.

You are not alone in this journey.

momnthefog




"She made broken look beautiful and strong look invincible.  She walked with the universe on her shoulders and made it look like a pair of wings."

*

Adria

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • 463
Re: Two days ago my son announced he was fine
« Reply #4 on: May 16, 2017, 09:49:17 AM »
Momnthefog,

Thank you so much for your kind words and advice. I printed what you posted yesterday and read it to my son and dh last night.  I could see the looks on their faces, that it really hit a nerve with both of them, probably for different reasons.

Quote
For me the first step was to stop taking care of him and to take better care of me and the other children.  I realized that I was exhausted.  While I was trying to manage his unmanageable life, I was losing mine.

Yes, I am exhausted, fight or flight constantly is wearing me out.  "While I was trying to manage his unmanageable life, I was losing mine."  That is very powerful.  I will be printing this one out and showing dh tonight as well.  It's all stuff I know in my head, but to read it in black and white from someone who has lived it really hits me between the eyes.  Thank you again for your words.  They will be on my coffee table until it sinks in. 

*

Liftedfog

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • 1581
Re: Two days ago my son announced he was fine
« Reply #5 on: May 16, 2017, 02:39:22 PM »
I am so sorry for your pain.  I can relate to the chaos in the home and spinning your wheels trying to help someone who won’t help himself.  My expdh started showing signs of psychosis.  They came out of nowhere.  Paranoid and delusions. I was his trigger.  All of  a sudden I was his enemy in his eyes.  He believed his delusions.   We think schizophrenia but since he doesn’t think he is sick he won’t allow a doctor to treat or diagnose him.  I became a nonfunctioning human being when I tried to help him and keep our family itact.  I tried to protect my small children from the confusion and chaos he was creating.  He was also scaring them.   I was a shell of person at 90 lbs.  There was nothing left in me to give.  I look back and I still shudder.  Stay strong.   You are important.  You are loved!

*

Adria

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • 463
Re: Two days ago my son announced he was fine
« Reply #6 on: May 16, 2017, 02:54:11 PM »
Liftedfog, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. It is sooo bad. Wow, 90 lbs. I so get it. I feel right now, too, that there is nothing left in me to give.  My daughter is scheduled to have her baby tomorrow, something about her liver not functioning right, so they want to take the baby two weeks early.  I'm so tired, but she wants me in the delivery room.  Dh and I are leaving in an hour as she lives three hours away.   Thank you for your kind words.

*

BunnyLover

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • 88
Re: Two days ago my son announced he was fine
« Reply #7 on: May 17, 2017, 08:17:25 AM »
Adria, I am so sorry you are having to go through all this! I'll be thinking of you and your daughter and her new baby. Please let us know how things turn out.

*

Adria

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • 463
Re: Two days ago my son announced he was fine
« Reply #8 on: May 19, 2017, 11:51:51 AM »
Hi Everyone, I'm still at my daughter's house down south.  Have a brand new beautiful grandbaby girl.  Having  fun playing with  the other two  grandchildren 3 and 5 years.  They are so good. Got a call from my son, he said he has resumed taking what he is  supposed to take. Hope things are better when we get home. This was a much needed break.  I don't think I want to go back home. :sadno:

*

BunnyLover

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • 88
Re: Two days ago my son announced he was fine
« Reply #9 on: May 19, 2017, 02:06:43 PM »
Adria, I am so glad to hear that he is taking his meds again!! I hope he will stick to this going forward.

I hope this was not the case, but is there a possibility that his deciding not to take his meds might have been an attention-seeking behavior, because your daughter's pregnancy was taking too much of your time and attention away from him? I obviously don't know him, I could be completely off-base here.

*

momnthefog

  • Host Member
  • Sr. Member
  • *
  • 706
Re: Two days ago my son announced he was fine
« Reply #10 on: May 19, 2017, 11:17:23 PM »
Congrats on the new grandbaby.

Enjoy!

momnthefog
"She made broken look beautiful and strong look invincible.  She walked with the universe on her shoulders and made it look like a pair of wings."

*

Adria

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • 463
Re: Two days ago my son announced he was fine
« Reply #11 on: May 20, 2017, 02:20:07 PM »
Hi BunnyLover, I get what you are saying, but I don't think so as my daughter lives three hours away and we don't get there that often, but hey, who knows.  There seems to be a  pattern with him of self sabatoge when his life gets up and running well.  The other thing is June is always a really bad month for him. He has ended up in the hospital every June for the past six years.  I think more than anything, when he is up and running really well, he thinks he's not sick anymore and can get off the supplements. That's what seems to start the downward spiral. 

*

Adria

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • 463
Re: Two days ago my son announced he was fine
« Reply #12 on: May 20, 2017, 02:20:43 PM »
Thank you Momnthefog.