Same Stuff Different Day

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guitarman

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Same Stuff Different Day
« on: May 15, 2017, 06:53:37 PM »
Hi all

Just venting.

My uBPD/uNPD sister is in a crisis again. She was terrible on Sunday. All the S words i.e. sobbing, screaming, shouting, swearing and suicidal.

She's after more money. I'm in the UK. She's had thousands and thousands of pounds to pay her rent. She even wanted money for food.

I didn't give her any money.

She said that if she didn't get her rent paid this week she'll have to live with me. She's got nowhere else to go.

I've had enough. I'm exhausted with it all. She pushes all my buttons.

I dread her calls and visits. There's always a crisis.

I could go on and on. Nothing changes.

Best wishes

guitarman
"Do not let the behaviour of others destroy your inner peace." - Dalai Lama

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Summer Sun

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Re: Same Stuff Different Day
« Reply #1 on: May 16, 2017, 09:08:13 AM »
Guitar man, I am sorry for your continued pain from exposure to your sisters behaviours.  You sound understandably worn down.  I admire your patience, compassion and stamina.

Good you did not give further funds to enable her.  Have you other boundaries with her?  Have you agreed she will move in with you?  Are you able to refer her to a shelter? 

Wishing you peace.

Summer Sun
"The opposite of Love is not Hate, it's Indifference" - Elie Wiesel

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blacksheep7

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Re: Same Stuff Different Day
« Reply #2 on: May 16, 2017, 12:34:06 PM »
Guitarmand,

Sorry you have to go through this, so exhausting indeed.

I don't know your/her story.  Does she work?   If not, yes a shelter would be good if not social security if she is not stable mentally.

Wishing you peace.
I may be the black sheep of the family, but some of the white sheep are not as white as they try to appear.

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MLR

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Re: Same Stuff Different Day
« Reply #3 on: May 17, 2017, 01:27:32 PM »
You don't have to take her in if she is evicted.  She is an adult, just like you.   If she shows up DO NOT let her in.  Do not open the door.  If you do she will probably force her way in.

Her inability to manage her life and her finances is not your problem.

Please keep us posted on how you are doing.

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guitarman

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Re: Same Stuff Different Day
« Reply #4 on: May 17, 2017, 11:11:56 PM »
Thanks for your replies.

I've not heard any more from my sister.

I've got a mental health carers group to go to this evening if I can get to it. I've been going for years and I have other support.

I hate this feeling of powerlessness. I hate the adrenaline rush the fight or flight mode kicking in. She can be so abusive and yet so kind and loving at other times when she's calm and rational, when she has money.

Others just don't understand what we go through here. The scars are deep and well hidden.

I could go on and on...

Thanks.

Best wishes

guitarman

"Do not let the behaviour of others destroy your inner peace." - Dalai Lama

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betta fish

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Re: Same Stuff Different Day
« Reply #5 on: May 19, 2017, 08:25:42 AM »
I hate this feeling of powerlessness.

Hello guitarman,

Please remove the above phrase from your vocabulary.  You do have power. Although I agree it is very upsetting and difficult when a PD tries to put all their problems on you. You have the power to call 911 when your sister threatens suicide, you have the power to block her calls, you have the power to say NO....  Is it difficult to see anyone, being left homeless, because they refuse to take care of their finances. Of course it is hard, it still is not on you to fix her.  You can be supportive without being financially taken advantage of.
“Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.”
― Maya Angelou

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guitarman

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Re: Same Stuff Different Day
« Reply #6 on: May 23, 2017, 06:51:58 AM »
Thanks betta fish.

I'm feeling better today. It takes time to feel relaxed again after an incident. I don't ever really relax.

I realise that I have choices. Doing nothing is still a choice.

I can't change my sister.

I've not taken her recent calls to me. I heard she's sent abusive emails and texts to other members of my family and tried to call them as well.

When she visits me eventually she'll want to know what I've been saying about her to other family members and what they are saying about her.

Having a calm day living in the moment.

Best wishes

guitarman
"Do not let the behaviour of others destroy your inner peace." - Dalai Lama