Do you find yourself watching everything you do and say...

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Totallytickedoff

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...so as to not appear like a PD?

Geesh I wrestle with it sometimes. I see this whole PD situation with the PD in my life as truly ugly and disgusting and I never want to appear that way.

Now when I have random interactions with others (at work, even out at the grocery store, etc.) I ask myself if I was saying the words "I" or "me" too much during conversations....did I cut that person off? Did I talk too much and give the other person enough time to say what they had to say? I better be on my best behavior because God forbid someone think I'm a Narc!! Ugghhhh!

Is that batshit crazy of me or am I too absorbed in thinking about this? Or both? I never want to be like my mother in law.

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notrightinthehead

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Re: Do you find yourself watching everything you do and say...
« Reply #1 on: May 18, 2017, 03:32:26 PM »
I find it helpful not to think too much about what others think of me or how they find me. Often my inner critic assumes rather negative thoughts in others about me, which might be true or untrue. As I cannot read others' thoughts these all all my own thoughts and I choose to focus on my own inner dialogue and attempt to be kind to myself.

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SPinSC

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Re: Do you find yourself watching everything you do and say...
« Reply #2 on: May 18, 2017, 04:02:07 PM »
Totally - I get exactly what you are saying. It's a challenge - the Narc is my mother and I'm very much physically like her.

I finally asked my husband to help me monitor. If what I'm saying/doing is too much like Mom, he calls me on it.

Of course, this sometimes backfires. He's uBPD and sometimes uses it to shut me down when I was just speaking up for myself - something I don't do often.

At work and in the world and in conversations with my children, I've usually got my 'no-narc' filter going pretty strong. It can be tiring and I do wish I could follow notrightinthehead's advice and just stop worrying about it.

Sorry, no help, but at least a kindred soul who knows what you mean!

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Whiteheron

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Re: Do you find yourself watching everything you do and say...
« Reply #3 on: May 18, 2017, 05:36:16 PM »
Oh absolutely. I started way back when I had told stbx about something I wanted to do for myself (which I never did). He came back at me with a "you're so selfish, do you hear the words coming out of your mouth? I, I, I, me, me, me. I want to do xyz because I pqr!" After that little incident, I was always careful so I didn't get the nasty lecture again. Even in my interactions with others, I closely watch what I say. Even here on this board, I read and reread my posts to make sure I haven't spoken too much about myself... :wacko:
You can't destroy me if I don't care.

Being able to survive it doesn't mean it was ever ok.

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Andromeda87

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Re: Do you find yourself watching everything you do and say...
« Reply #4 on: May 19, 2017, 05:28:37 PM »
Just wanna say that I'm in the same boat.
I am constantly worried that I have a PD and in complete denial of it and can't see it in myself. I'm hyper vigilant about my own behaviours and even my own thoughts !!! "Is that a thought a person with NPD would have !?"
It's really draining. I've asked my fiancé to help but he tells me that I am nothing like my NPD parents. Then I worry that he's codependent! Lol it's just never ending
One thing that comforts me is that people with these PD rarely seek help or admit there is any problem.
We are all on here seeking help and being open about our problems, so although we may have some "fleas", I think we are capable of being aware of them! And that's important :)