The destruction of the wicked.

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The.One.Who.Got.Away

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The destruction of the wicked.
« on: July 03, 2017, 09:16:31 AM »
I’ve been really hesitant about whether to write this or not, but I think I want to. I want to put this out there. I want to show you the fate of the wicked, especially as it pertains to my own situation.
For a long time I would go on and on about the abuse, giving all the little details about it thinking if I could just explain to people what I went through, if they could just see things through my perspective, then maybe just maybe they would understand my pain. I have since learned, through lots of trial and error that no one can feel what you feel in your heart. All of us who have been raised by narcissists and personality disordered families may empathise with each other and validate one another because we all basically acted in the same plays, yet NO ONE can truly understand your pain. ‘For what person perceives (knows and understands) what passes through a man’s thoughts except the man’s own spirit within him?...’ 1 Corinthians 2:11 So I am not going to go through my story, maybe another time. I only want to show you that through our pain and suffering, through the inhumane treatment and betrayal there is ONE who watches closely. When our voices seem to be drowned out, when we are neglected and emotionally thrown away like trash, when no one seems to care or want to listen to our pleas for mercy, there is ONE who listens intently.
I know there are different levels of dysfunction within families, but my family was pure evil. That’s the only way I can describe it. The psychological make up of these people greatly fascinates me, but I don’t give them a free pass based on their poor upbringing. Scapegoats have the worst upbringing of the lot and yet they turn out to be sane, calling out dysfunction and unrighteousness when they see it, yet they persecute you for pursuing righteousness. To each their own, but as for me, I will not acquit the guilty.
You would think that narcissists don’t have any sense of justice, right? When in fact, they do! Although their ‘sense of justice’ is completely warped, unfair, cruel and wicked, they still have this sense of ‘justice’. They prove it by the way they rush to exact judgement on anyone they consider an enemy. Once you challenge a narcissist, these gods on earth, you just know punishment is coming your way. There’s no mercy for you. So if these people deserve (in their minds) justice, how much more their victims! They have a whole troop of soldiers (flying monkeys and enablers) behind them, rooting for their cause, while most of the victims have absolutely no one. In my case I had no one. Aaaah but I did have someone! Though, in all that crazy making and confusion I couldn’t see Him.
For my entire childhood and teenage years, living in that mad house I felt so alone. I was under immense stress and trauma. Looking back, I am surprised that I did not end up as a cabbage, completely immobile and lifeless because the abuse was so intense there were times I thought I wouldn’t make it, but I made it. I always knew that I wasn’t loved and that I had no value as a person. There were days they even denied me food. Not that they would outright say “ There’s no food for you today”, they were much more imaginative than that. They would pick a huge fight with me, then came the silent treatment. Then they would cook supper and take the pots and keep them in their bedroom, and go as far as to keep the loaf of bread in their bedroom. They would want me to come to the room all submissive after they had just emotionally ripped me to shreds with verbal abuse and say “Please may I have some food, I’m hungry”, but I never did. I would go eat at a friend’s place or not eat at all. This was the type of family I came from. Very painful memories. It was always my whole family, extended family included, against me. Why? Because I saw through them and refused to be a part of their sick cult.
When I finally started working, I packed my shit in the middle of the night and got the hell out of there. They didn’t care for me in such a way, no one even tried to stop me. No one called to ask if I was ok, no one reached out. As I said, I had no value. Yet when they found out that I fell in love and began a relationship, the smear campaign began. Boyfriend was called and told lies about me under the guise of ‘concern for him’. He was told I was ‘notorious’, wild and bad news. These people are sick. They refuse to love you, and yet when someone else decides they are going to love you because they see your worth, these people will try to destroy it because no one must love you! Anyways I went no contact for a few years and suffered with immense depression. These people thrived. Wealth, health, status and loads and loads of family surrounding them (how much I desired to have a family) yet they had it. Everything went so well for them. Although they were dysfunctional and abusive, all I could dwell on was my own suffering and pain.
“It’s so unfair that I was the only child that had to be treated this way”, “all the others were loved and treated well.”
“Why did I have to go through that? All the others had it so easy. What did I ever do to them to deserve the way I was treated?”
For a long time I believed that that was just my lot in life and had to accept it. I believed that they might have to answer to God after death but that for now they were to lead great lives with no consequences to their evil deeds. How long I waited for justice? My entire life! In my family I had a couple of main abusers and to finally see their deeds catch up to them was unbelievable! I had posted a topic on here a couple years ago titled “The Lords vengeance is just.”, under my old name Rae13, this is the outcome that followed that post. One of my abusers, let’s call her SP (alcoholic somatic narc) ended up having a stroke and became paralysed in a wheel chair. Ended up dying a few years later. I have nothing against disabled people or people having strokes, but this SP in particular was very pathologically jealous of females, especially beautiful attractive ones. She would go as far as writing anonymous letters degrading and demeaning a particular female that she was envious of and sticking it under their door all because she was jealous of them. If she saw a beautiful woman in the road she would use little her little children to mock and taunt the female by calling her “shakers” (implying the female shook her body as she walked). Her abuse of me really got intensified when I got into my teenage years.  It’s ironic that the thing she valued the most, her appearance and body, became her downfall in the end. Another abuser, call her NP, someone who nearly drove me to the brink of insanity. She went as far as calling the cops on me claiming I was unstable and abusive. Her reward for her deeds? She had the cops called on her a few months back by the same family she ganged up with to torment me because SHE was unstable and abusive. She’s diagnosed with acute psychosis and landed up in the mental institution. She had to be strapped in while she was kicking and screaming obscenities. She stayed there for 2 months and was released but has to stay on meds or else the madness starts taking over. Who is the crazy one now? The bible does say ““Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” Matthew 7- 1:2 Another abuser of mine, call her VG (another somatic malignant narc), the same one who called my work and said she could put up affidavits saying I was there illegally, the same one who called my boyfriend and tried to break up my relationship, she tried to take away someone who loved me. She even tried to ruin her sons (GC) relationship as well as wedding. What’s her reward? Her husband has woken up to her abuse and has left her high and dry. Her marriage has fallen apart and her children have went no contact with her. Of course she’s began a smear campaign against them all but the point in she’s now all alone. She tried to interfere with someone else’s relationship and look what happened? “If you set a trap for others, you will get caught in it yourself. If you roll a boulder down on others, it will crush you instead.” Proverbs 26:27

It’s been 8 years of no contact and about a month back the tyrant of the family died, my main abuser (diagnosed malignant narcissist). Our whole family revolved around this one person. She has a left a long trail of destruction in her wake. When I heard the news I felt nothing. No sadness, no joy, just complete indifference. The first words that came out of my mouth were “finally”. Does that make me a bad person? Ok so be it, I don’t care! I did not call anyone and sympathize, did not send flowers or anything. I felt NOTHING! The day of the funeral I had such mixed feelings, the guilt began. I thought ‘ if I don’t go they will say to themselves “we were right about her all along!”, I wrestled with this and then I sat down and rewinded to the abuse, to the torture, the rage, the lies, the hate masquerading as love and said NO WAY! Whether I go or don’t go, their perception of me will never change. In their minds I will always be who they say I am. I will not waste my time proving myself to them, I know who I am and those that love me know who I am. The day of the funeral they ask my mother if I am coming and my mother says no. They then ask “What did we ever do to The.One.Who.Got.Away?” REALLY?!!! I couldn’t imagine sitting at the funeral with all those sick people mourning someone who lived her life destroying people, while consoling her little minions who helped her destroy people. No thank you, I’ll keep my dignity.
When I look at how their lives have turned out, I’m in awe of God. I’m not evil, I don’t gloat over peoples misfortune for I have had enough misfortune of my own, but I have wanted justice! True justice would be to go back in time and have a happy childhood. To be treated with love and respect, to be able to stand in front of people and them see you for you. Not to be stood in front of and raged at and physically beat on and spat on told how you’re bad, worthless, a trouble maker and that you would never amount to anything. I can never have that but I have seen justice, they have not gained one over me. I look at them and they are pathetic. All they know is drama, strife and dysfunction. I go outside and see the beauty in nature, they go out and complain non-stop about the weather. I see the innocence in the laughter of a child, they hear a child laugh and tell the child to shut up because they hate noise. After many years of depression and pain, and I’m sure for the rest of my life I will have periods of depression but overall I am happy and most importantly I am at peace. I have built a life apart from them. I thank them for throwing me away, because of that I gained so much of strength. For years I so badly wanted to be accepted by their family, I thank them for rejecting me, they had nothing to offer me anyway. Their relationships with each other are shallow and of no substance. I have found true depth in outside relationships. I found true acceptance, and love and value amongst strangers. Weird how strangers taught me what family truly is.
After all is said and done I may not ever have the chance to say this to them but my no contact speaks for me and it says…
“You tried to snuff out my light and my life but you failed. I proved how strong I was because no matter what you threw my way, I overcame. I did not sell myself out for a moment of acceptance, I kept my integrity. Though you all stand together protecting evil, I made the choice to stand alone at the cost of losing an entire family. You said I was weak, but I was strong, I made it on my own without your help, but with Gods help. I stuck to my truth, I never wavered. I don’t respect any of you or what you stand for. You all wither in your misery but I grow daily and I am happy. Last but not least, I conquered you!”
I leave you with this....
Psalm 129:1-4 “They have greatly oppressed me from my youth,”
    let Israel say;
2 “they have greatly oppressed me from my youth,
    but they have not gained the victory over me.
3 Plowmen have plowed my back
    and made their furrows long.
4 But the LORD is righteous;
    he has cut me free from the cords of the wicked.”

There is a God indeed! He uplifts the humble and He brings low the proud and haughty.



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Adria

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Re: The destruction of the wicked.
« Reply #1 on: July 03, 2017, 09:41:32 AM »
Thank you for taking the time to write all of this. I really needed to read your words this morning.

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Inurdreams

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Re: The destruction of the wicked.
« Reply #2 on: July 03, 2017, 12:04:59 PM »
Beautiful!
Peek not through the keyhole lest ye be vexed. - Stephen King


Response to a Flying Monkey:  Apparently you are suffering under the delusion that I give a damn.

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Sojourner17

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Re: The destruction of the wicked.
« Reply #3 on: July 03, 2017, 02:14:28 PM »
Wonderful.  God does not let wickedness go unpunished.  I am glad you got away and that you can have the insight that you do as you look back and reflect on what has happened.
"Tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it..." - Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery

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all4peace

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Re: The destruction of the wicked.
« Reply #4 on: July 03, 2017, 02:43:31 PM »
This is so timely for me right now. Thank you for your efforts in sharing this, and I'm thankful that you've begun to find the joys in life, despite your horrific beginning.

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Sunshine days

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Re: The destruction of the wicked.
« Reply #5 on: July 03, 2017, 03:23:35 PM »
God bless you, it was brilliant. Thank you for taking the time out to show who you are and your great strength and joy you have within your heart. X

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gypsysoul44

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Re: The destruction of the wicked.
« Reply #6 on: July 03, 2017, 07:40:25 PM »
Thank you for this

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raindrop

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Re: The destruction of the wicked.
« Reply #7 on: July 15, 2017, 05:30:22 AM »
Thankyou for sharing this and your faith and hope in God. I am so glad that you have found not just justice but peace in Him and known His love for you.
"Suppose a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?"
"Suppose it didn't," said Pooh, after careful thought.
Piglet was comforted by this.
- A.A. Milne.

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PinkDress

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Re: The destruction of the wicked.
« Reply #8 on: July 27, 2017, 12:33:48 PM »
This meant so much to me today! All of your specifics and how the Lord turned their own evils back on them shows how just God truly is. How agonizing those years of their prosperity must have been for you, I'm sure at times you felt crazy. The Lord seems to have sent you a clear message in how He dealt with each of them. He sees all! Hugs!!!
"In the long run, the sharpest weapon of all is a kind and gentle spirit." Anne Frank

"God sees people as His own treasures, so be careful how you treat them."

"No one warns you about the amount of mourning in growth."