"Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare" by Shahida Arabi

[Laurie]

Title: Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself
Author: Shahida Arabi
Publisher: SCW Archer Publishing
Year of Publication: 2016
ISBN: 9781533752703

This is a huge (530 page) comprehensive resource book packed with helpful relevant information and references!  This is one of the best books I have read on the topic.  I read it straight through cover to cover, which is rare unless I find a book to be engaging and very useful.  While I read it straight through, the table of contents is helpful to quickly locate various topics. 
I highly recommend this book to anyone who has been a victim of narcissistic abuse.  It’s difficult to summarize this book as it covers to many topics, but here are a couple of my main take-aways:

-   The book starts with a summary of basic information on narcissism.
-   There’s an explanation of what happens to our brains on narcissistic abuse from a more scientific point of view.  Various brain chemicals start churning, which can explain why it’s hard for many to leave the narcissist.
-   She emphasizes the critical important of self-care to counteract these surges in brain chemicals, and help us heal.  More than just a way to feel better, self-care is really critical to coping.
-   She emphasizes getting validation from friends or a T as an important way to counteract the negative messages from the narcissist, and the resulting cognitive dissonance.
-   Positive self-talk is also discusses as a way to counteract the negative messages.
-   Several kinds of therapy for recovery are discussed.
-   While she indicates it’s important to do as much as we can to stand up the narcissist, disengage an heal, she emphasizes the unfairness and negative consequences of victim blaming, which may often be done by those who have never experienced narcissistic abuse.

This is a wonderful book for anyone who has struggled with a narcissist.  There is much here about the value of going NC or VLC if possible, but there is definitely a great deal for valuable information for those of us not in a position to do so.  There is a short section on BPD, but it’s really a book specific for dealing with those with NPD.

[momnthefog]

This is one of my favorite new books on the topic.

She also has a self care page on facebook and a couple of short youtube videos.

momnthefog

[lifeline]

It's been over eight years since I've bought myself a book.  I think this might be the one to break the drought.

Thank you so very much for sharing.

[lifeline]

I just needed to come back and say, it's really great.  I mean, really just great.  Validating, practical, easy to pick a topic and spend ten minutes on it. 

Thanks again.

[Laurie]

You're welcome!  I agree it's a pretty amazing book. 

[Kit99]

I agree! This was an excellent read.

[Siren73]

I listened to it on Audible, and it was really great. I liked it a lot.

[lifeline]

This book stays on my coffee table, I go back and remind myself of what I need to given any particular situation. There's a good section on Co-parenting.

[carrots]

Is it geared more towards people dealing with narcs in chosen relationships or towards those who grew up with narcs? Or are both aspects well-covered?

[Hattie]

From what I remember, it's more about chosen relationships.  But actually it's mostly about self care so could apply more broadly...

[carrots]

OK, thanks Hattie!