To see us as we really are

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delegater

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To see us as we really are
« on: July 10, 2017, 04:28:29 PM »
I was reading some of the great topics and comments here, and I had a thought.

What I want, and what I reckon most of us non-PD dad wants is for our kids to see us as we really are, without the filter or mask on, just the happy, loving, funny, cool, goofy dads that we all can and should be if we weren't in the situation we are in.

My goal is for my kids to see that, despite the consequences. My kids are no longer going to grow up and see a dad too afraid to be himself, to have an opinion, to get out and have fun.

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Stepping lightly

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Re: To see us as we really are
« Reply #1 on: July 11, 2017, 07:34:43 AM »
That's a great goal delegater!

I know we get so wrapped up in trying to side step all the landmines the PDs lay down for us that we forget to be ourselves every chance we get.  My DH is a super fun Dad with his kids, something I have seen documentation of BM admitting to (although she'd never say it out loud now), and I think it is really threatening to her.  DH has this incredible power to make the kids laugh, which they REALLY need to do...a lot! 

We went through a horrific custody battle last year...and lost badly.   Afterwards I told DH, we haven't been parenting "our way", we've been parenting to avoid catastrophic chaos, and that sucks.  Every decision we made had to take into account "how is BM going to react to this, and how are the kids going to be affected?"  So...now when we have the kids, we are working on making the decisions WE think are best rather than "what will cause the least amount of distress in the BM situation".

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sonto92

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Re: To see us as we really are
« Reply #2 on: August 10, 2017, 12:22:55 AM »
Great job of putting theses feelings into words.  I just want the kids to come over to our house and know and feel that they are at home.  I can relate to the feelings that everything has to run through the "what would BPDx say about this" filter for everything that goes on when they are with me.  My kids have what seems like little or no separation when they leave the BPDx's house, and it is very frustrating.