Mixed messages

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GrahamCracker

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Mixed messages
« on: July 17, 2017, 08:11:03 AM »
Today is day one of my retirement, very much resented and very reluctantly "accepted" by uPDw.  She just got back from a long trip, at which she bought me a new pair of shoes and brought back a t-shirt.  This after she never called me and texted reluctantly, rarely and briefly.  She smiled when she got home, but slipped from friendly to indifferent.  And this morning I feel a simmering rage.  For example, i need to mail something this morning, but we have no stamps in the house.   She said tensely "Okay i'm going to say this.  I don't want you to think that just because you are home you can run around buying stamps and stuff all day."  And when it comes to meals and meal planning -- her area both of expertise and usual responsibility -- she won't say anything.  What is coming here is a double-bind -- whatever I do will be wrong, if I wait for her to offer or suggest it means that my retirement does not free her of that; if I proceed and it's not as good or otherwise doesn't work out, it will be an example of my "incompetence."   While she was gone i was so free to make mistakes and fix them and move on; I see now how offensively judgmental she can be. 

It's amazing how the tension level rises when she is here.  I feel myself sliding back into that subservient role, and worrying about her reaction.  I don't like it. But at the same time I know I am on a higher plateau; the baseline has changed.  But I know that a new outburst is coming.  I think though that i can deal with it.  I plan to handle it a la "Gordian Knot" e.g. rather than try to untangle the various threads, I will simply cut through it and do what I think is best, as best i can.  And try to stay centered.

We shall see. 
"Bury it and rise above."  Churches (the band)

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symbasmommy

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Re: Mixed messages
« Reply #1 on: July 17, 2017, 03:53:03 PM »
My thoughts are with you....I always find walking away is good way to stay sane..... :blush:

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JollyJazz

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Re: Mixed messages
« Reply #2 on: July 18, 2017, 08:59:37 PM »
I'm so glad you have had the first day of your hard won retirement!!! Brilliant :)

Sorry to hear about the constant criticism and tense atmosphere when she is around.

On the bright side, it sounds like you are doing a great job of rising above things and seeing what is happening analytically, and at least it sounds like you have some peace and quiet during the day :P)

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Skippyd

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Re: Mixed messages
« Reply #3 on: July 18, 2017, 09:13:06 PM »
Yes, I admire you for rising above it all and for going through with your retirement despite her opposition.