Post a review or not?

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DJCleo

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Post a review or not?
« on: July 17, 2017, 02:56:05 PM »
Last year we were wedding planning planning. More me than my husband, but my husband didn't really know how to help and take the burden from me (I liked planning but wedding planning can be stressful under the best of circumstances).

His BPD NPD Mom was occasionally sending me things about the wedding, which wasn't terrible in and of itself.

My husband had heard his PD mom repeatedly push for us to hire a wedding planner that she was going to pay for.

That said, wedding planners are expensive and my family never does such things. It's considered a waste since we have a big family and we all pitch in to help, etc.

At some point I was feeling uneasiness that I can probably attribute to wedding stress but also whatever was going on behind the scenes with my PD MIL. My husband kept suggesting the wedding planner since his sister and PD mom had a great experience with one when his sister married.

I met my SILs wedding planner when she got married and this woman was fantastically professional and knew how to deal with difficult mothers (aka BPD MIL) and still get the bride what she wanted on her day.

Anyways, our wedding planner was a train wreck. We should have done our homework but we hired one very quickly because I didn't know squat about wedding planners and it wasn't my parents' money. I had no clue how to deal with my husband's parents and money. That was a nightmare.

In doing some odds and ends leftover from the wedding I came across the planner's reviews. We pretty much knew she lied to use about how much experience she had, etc. She inflated her worth a lot.

She also created a ton of drama instead of reduced drama with me and my husband and my parents and his parents. She tried to force everyone to have a meeting about money instead of trusting that my parents were saying what they would pay for. Luckily, my parents smelled the bull crap from far away and refused to speak to the planner. They would only speak to me since it was my planner. They had such strong boundaries that I had one argument with my mom that fizzled out once we both calmed down. But with BPD MIL, she still believed the planner and that the planner was saying to her. The planner was trying to please his mom instead of us because she was paying the bill. The planner sucked and barely did anything anyway, so we fired her after the drama because her contract was crap and had no cancellation policy.

I emailed the planner to set a boundary that she could only plan the rehearsal dinner with BPD MIL, but nothing else.

Then all hell rained down even further when we realize based on my MILs emails to my family that the planner had forwarded my email to her. WTH

I refrained from posting a negative review because I just didn't want to set BPD MIL off somehow again, but as I'm typing this I am angry still that this planner was so destructive.

My husband and I haven't been able to fully determine through proof and evidence besides behavior we saw that the planner and my MIL were plotting together.

My husband says that he thinks his mom won't flip out at this point if we post about the planner being so terrible as long as we make it out to be that MIL was taken advantage of somehow vs was plotting behind our backs.


It's also been a long time.

But I see that another woman posted a review saying that the planner was conning her and making problems with vendors so that she could swoop in and pretend to save the day.

It sounds like the planner was doing the same thing with us, but directed towards MILs wishes instead because MIL was paying the bill.


My MILs major malfunctions according to my husband from the wedding are "the email I sent" because it "embarrassed her" (aka WTH because it wasn't hers to begin with) and that I would have THOUGHT that she was trying to plan behind my back in the first place.


Maybe I just continue to leave things as is because why should I do anything to give MIL any reason to get attention?

But the justice seeking part of me also wants to warn others so that this planner doesn't get away with things all the time...

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DJCleo

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Re: Post a review or not?
« Reply #1 on: July 17, 2017, 03:06:04 PM »
Also, I guess I'm just cautious because I don't want the planner to find a way to set my MIL off again. :-/

I am pretty sure, due to the things I heard and observed during the time with the wedding planner that the planner probably repeated every single thing I told her in confidence about my family dynamics etc that I told her in confidence. Although I can't be sure because neither the planner nor my PD MIL would admit to it. The planner also said that my MIL said "x" and "y" things that were hurtful. There was no reason that that would have been helpful. She was trying to make everyone mad at each other so that she could "fix it" and appear as a hero.

I could go on and on about this....


I think she was playing my PD MIL as well.

Knowing that, it reduces my MILs culpability only a little.

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OnwardsAndUpwards

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Re: Post a review or not?
« Reply #2 on: July 17, 2017, 03:18:33 PM »
If you feel your review can be calm then it would be helpful for future brides. When I read emotionally charged reviews I tend to assume the reviewer is having a bad day. But if they're calm and just state what happened I trust it more.

I wouldn't mention the cancellation policy as maybe she won't notice and others can take advantage of that too. But yes, her work sounds unprofessional and I believe it would be kind to share that information with other brides who much like yourself find themselves searching for a reputable planner.

As for your MIL... I take it, it's not an anonymous review. Could you make it be fairly neutral about MIL? Something along the lines of the wedding planner being unprofessional and creating conflicts? That it was emotionally exhausting for everyone? Maybe some others have better wording but yeah keep MIL out if it. It's really about the planner and she caused problems, not the problems she caused/made worse. If that makes sense?
--OAU

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DizzyKin

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Re: Post a review or not?
« Reply #3 on: July 17, 2017, 05:09:02 PM »
I don't think you need to mention your MIL directly in a review at all really, it's definitely not necessary for helping other brides-to-be anyway. Onwards phrasing is good. I think it's good not to conjecture in a review, just state in a calm manner what actually happened. Something like "caused conflict between family members" and perhaps "lacked the professionalism and people skills necessary for this role."