Any practicing Catholics?

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longedforchild

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Any practicing Catholics?
« on: July 30, 2017, 08:45:24 PM »
Any practicing Catholics in this community? Would love to talk to someone else in the faith who understands the struggles that come with having a family member PD tied into your faith.

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NotFooledAnymore

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Re: Any practicing Catholics?
« Reply #1 on: August 11, 2017, 02:18:51 PM »
Yes, my husband and I are. I've been struggling, as well, reconciling my faith with everything that has happened with my NMIL (who claims to be a very devout Catholic and even has several Priests who are her "close" friends. She's a pillar of the community).

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DM178

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Re: Any practicing Catholics?
« Reply #2 on: August 11, 2017, 08:46:39 PM »
Yes, 'cradle catholic', raised by UBpdM who was a Fanatical Catholic...she was very very rigid about her faith, and our family life was heavily structured around the Catholic Church.

There was not much 'joy' in how we practiced our faith - it seemed like more of the same - plenty of hysterics if anyone missed mass, and the catholic teachings were utilized like a hammer - to induce plenty of shame and delivered by her with extreme animosity and rigidity.

I have struggled my entire life with reconciling a religious practice with my spirituality.

I do belong to a Catholic Church, but do not routinely attend.

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NotFooledAnymore

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Re: Any practicing Catholics?
« Reply #3 on: August 13, 2017, 02:54:27 PM »
DM178, that sounds very similar to NMIL. She LOVES to guilt everyone if they miss Mass or a Holy Day of Obligation. Especially when she visits my BIL and his wife, she loves to lay on the guilt when they don't go to Mass. She treats Saints like good luck charms and that's really disturbing.

We are practicing Catholics and, thankfully, my DH is able to still have a true faith-filled relationship with God and not a "superstitious" or obligatory one as a result of her guilt trips and behaviors.

She loves to let everyone know how close of a friend she is to so many Priests and her parish thinks she's God's greatest gift to their church. I'm thankful that she does do great things for people but it's just heartbreaking that she treats her own family so poorly.

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DM178

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Re: Any practicing Catholics?
« Reply #4 on: August 13, 2017, 06:10:48 PM »
I think it is a miracle that we both still have a catholic foundation that we utilize! I did go for years with no association with the church, but you know that saying "you can leave the church, but the church never leaves you"?!! I guess it is true.

I do find the routine of it very comforting, and I love going to early AM week day masses...because there are so few people there,  & the mass seems so "stark" without any music..I love it!

Do you ever struggle with Catholicism because of the mix of PD and religion that you grew up with? I struggle abit, and I am wondering if others do to.....Thank you for surfacing this topic :wave:

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DM178

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Re: Any practicing Catholics?
« Reply #5 on: August 13, 2017, 06:13:33 PM »
I have also identified this pattern in myself...when I am struggling the hardest with my UBPDM, I tend to drift away from going to church (even though I keep up daily prayer, scripture reading from catholic mass).

I also have found lately no relief from the anger I have had, since going NC earlier this year..nothing seems to take it away from me....heavy sigh  :-[

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Joan

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Re: Any practicing Catholics?
« Reply #6 on: August 13, 2017, 07:19:10 PM »
Another Catholic here!

I actually talked to a priest about uPDs (he is a psychologist). He was very validating and gave me great advice. I intend to talk to him again soon.

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DM178

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Re: Any practicing Catholics?
« Reply #7 on: August 14, 2017, 06:24:30 PM »
Hi Joan;

That is wonderful that you have found solace in your priest.

I wonder if sometimes our Catholicism contributes to the difficulties of staying away, and/or staying in, The Fog?

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Joan

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Re: Any practicing Catholics?
« Reply #8 on: August 14, 2017, 08:54:41 PM »
Hi DM178!

I guess a wrong interpretation of Catholicism may make us endure a lot more than we should.

We are taught to turn the other cheek, but we usually forget that Jesus turned the tables at the temple. I actually talked to another priest about that and he validated me 100%.

At home I was taught to accept unacceptable behaviour (to forgive all he time) but that´s not our faith. It was a misinterpretation of it. No one is supposed to remain in an abusive marriage (remember theres even anulment) or to be abused by family members.

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Mjanke

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Re: Any practicing Catholics?
« Reply #9 on: August 24, 2017, 04:47:38 AM »
I am a 59 year old retired teacher. I returned to the faith 4 years ago and found relief for my vague (undiagnosed Cptsd) discomfort and suffering in those early days of newfound hope. Since then, I read Pete Walker's work and have put the pieces of the puzzle together slowly, with much grieving.
I find that my Cptsd greatly affects my Catholic practice: I have addictions and habitual patterns of thought caused by the disorder, and I constantly confess them! I have only recently realized, through reading THIS forum, that my wounds are so deep and pervasive that it is no wonder I struggle!
Hypervigilance is a new concept for me in regards to how my faith is affected by Cptsd.
Does anyone else feel anxious about salvation of self and others, and spend much time and emotional energy ruminating and praying?  I think this is a manifestation of hypervigilance! No wonder my trust in a compassionate God is glacially slow to grow!
I decided to give it to the Blessed Mother, and that I must find a therapist who will help me self soothe through somatic therapy.

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Me_Again

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Re: Any practicing Catholics?
« Reply #10 on: September 11, 2017, 10:05:47 PM »
I'd describe myself as a devout cradle Catholic who was raised in a very loving Catholic home by 2 people who quietly lived their faith, and I grew up witnessing that.

My uNPDxH was also raised Catholic, but his parents were divorced. My uNPDxMIL (covert) seemed to be very devout and talked to me about religion often. I naively assumed that if you came from a big Catholic family that your views on marriage and family were the same as mine. And my uNPDxH gave that impression to me in the beginning, but the cracks started to show soon after we had kids.

One of the many blessings that I've been given during these past 2 1/2 years (when I told uNPDxH that I wanted a divorce) is that my father fully understood why I had made the decision and supported me. He died about 7 months later, and I'm so thankful that I have the gift of his understanding.

I asked my sister and BIL (a Catholic deacon) if they knew of a priest I could talk to about the divorce (this was about a month or two after I said I wanted one). They gave me the name of one of their good friends but "warned" me that he was very conservative. After I said that it was ok, my sister said "Me_Again, I mean he's really conservative."  I again told her that was fine. I wasn't looking to talk to someone who would only tell me what I wanted to hear. I wanted to talk to someone who might challenge me.

Well.......One of my "Ah ha" moments was when this conservative Catholic priest asked me, about an hour into our talk, "How did you last this long?"

My faith kept me in the marriage far longer than I should've stayed because I believe in "For better and for worse."  But I finally realized that he and I were never "one flesh."  We were never partners. We were never a team. We were two people living in the same house with kids. I know that sounds cold, but that's pretty much how it was. Personally, I don't believe I was sacramentally married. When my youngest goes away to college, I'll probably petition for an annulment.

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DJCleo

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Re: Any practicing Catholics?
« Reply #11 on: September 30, 2017, 09:16:31 PM »
Well, I think that being Catholic does in some ways change the dynamics a bit, but in general, Christianity overall does the very same thing.

Do you ask about Catholicism specifically because of a similarity or difference with the PD in your life?

My BPD MIL made comments about my big catholic family... that wasn't actually anything to do with my religion but rather with the NPD because everything is always about her - no one else.

It's tough to be Catholic and/or any type of Christian and not make peace with family- but Jesus doesn't ask you to be a doormat.

I've gotten tons out of this forum from a faith perspective whether or not they were my denomination so just be aware. :)

I'm curious... is there something specific you want to know that you haven't had anyone respond about yet?

What difference do you think it makes? I'm asking out if curiosity only so that we can help get to the heart of what your heart yearns to be healed in.




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DJCleo

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Re: Any practicing Catholics?
« Reply #12 on: September 30, 2017, 09:20:00 PM »
I just realized something... you could look through the posts of the people who responded that they are also catholic and see what they've posted about. That's another way you can see some of their struggles in addition to your thread.

 :)