My dearest AW

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My dearest AW
« on: August 10, 2017, 08:46:33 PM »
My dearest AW,

You are probably still angry at me for leaving you and the business. I had no choice but to leave.

You were invalidating my feelings, not communicating with me, isolated me from my family and you did not want to listen to what I wanted to say. You belittled my profession, saying I have no future in it and it is not going to help me in the future because it's not a lucrative profession. You hated my hometown so much.

The last few months we were together, you had me holed up in my apartment, working for you and the business while you are in your place, hanging out with a girl who has no boundaries and has no respect for the relationship. You said you cannot do anything about the girl coming to your place because technically it is not your house (but you pay the fucking bills) and I doubt it when you say that she knows about me. It hurts because you promised that you will fight for me but you never did.

For the longest time I felt like a dirty little secret of yours. You did not want me there, you did not introduce me to your uncle. You hid me. You even tried to break up with me once because I went there for business-related reasons. You called me names, crazy, stupid, bitch.

You tell me you love me but you do the opposite. You hurt me. A lot. When I told you why and how much I am hurting, you invalidated it saying that I have no right to get hurt because you are already giving everything to me and you have not supported any woman nor loved any other woman the way you did me.

AW, love is more than supporting me financially and a relationship is not supposed to work like that.

Now I am letting you go. I cannot take the emotional abuse anymore. Neglecting me, making me beg for your attention and affection and deliberately giving it to other women so that I will do everything to please you and I will do everything to adjust and compromise so that I will come back to your good graces again. You almost convinced me to cut my family off so that I can focus on doing things with you "to win". I almost gave up my career for you to work full time for your business.

I love you. Still. But I am going to let you go now. I will not wait for you even though you promised you will get me back.

Because I know things are not going to work out. You need to heal too.

No regrets. No resentments. I loved you just the way you are. Personality disorder and all.

No, I did not leave you because you are flawed. I left because I cannot live another day thinking how I can please you and how I can make you happy and calculating what to say so that you will not blow up and say really hurtful things.

I just cannot be strong enough to endure everything in the long run because I have my own life and my own career.

I wish you peace, love and happiness.

Until we meet again.