How has the PD relationship changed how you relate?

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InHidingWithMacSeth

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How has the PD relationship changed how you relate?
« on: September 11, 2017, 09:01:38 AM »
It will be interesting to see if the responses are clustered- like that there are clear patterns for those married to someone with PD vs a child of someone with PD, (or do we all marry someone with PD because our parent was? light-hearted chuckle)

OR to see if your PD affects you the same as someone else whose PD relationship in their life is the same- BPD, NPD, ASPD.

Or maybe there is no correlation at all. Does anyone know if there is research on this?

ANYWAY- the big way that I can see right now, 1 year out from being separated from my ustbxBPD/NPDw is that I don't argue the same. I used to stand up for myself very well and used to be able to carry out very fair, rational, functional, calm conversations. In fact, the first argument my BF and I got into, he remarked at how calm and gentle I was despite him knowing how angry I was and that he liked it. Well, that time has passed and randomly I shut down. I don't cry, I don't know what to say, I don't want to fight, I am afraid that the argument is going to get circular, I am going to get yelled at and reamed a new one and belittled. I start thinking that relationships aren't supposed to be this hard and they aren't worth it. This is typically over medium-importance things. Things that exemplify where the other person's thoughts, feelings, boundaries, morals or expectations are at, which is the real problem, but that the incident itself isn't so big or awful. I find myself in this situation from time to time and I don't function well at all because I am left with this feeling of "Am I trying to change this other person over to my way of thinking?"... and to be honest, I am not sure whether or not that is healthy...
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