Almost divorced but concerned about PD grandparents

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OrnamentBug

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Almost divorced but concerned about PD grandparents
« on: September 12, 2017, 01:30:30 PM »
It's been almost 2 years since I filled for divorce. At that time I was stalked by my in-laws, but was to terrified/second guessing myself to get a PFA. Now the ex and I are living separately and sharing custody. He mentioned a falling out with his folks and hasn't wanted our son to have a relationship with them currently. I would imagine they are pissed they haven't seen their son or their grandson and further upset by my ex not running to his mom's side when she had a serious illness.
    However, he was just invited to a family function and I was told that he was almost not invited. I'm hoping for my little one's sake that things with the PD in-laws stay unsuitable to bring a child into. I would imagine my ex knows that little one tells me everything and that he could lose some of his custody if his family is pulling parental alienation stuff. Not that it would work but I would rather not have us have to deal with it.

Did any of you have your PD in law's continue to scapegoat their former Golden child after a falling out? If so how long did it last?

Thanks

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Bloomie

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Re: Almost divorced but concerned about PD grandparents
« Reply #1 on: September 13, 2017, 03:33:43 PM »
Hi OrnamentBug! I see you are new and want to welcome you to OOTF! What a tough spot you are in with your former in laws as you and your child's father are divorced. Must make the options you have to protect your child from their harmful ways even more limited. I am just really sorry!

In my own experience with uPD in laws the unpredictable winds of favor can turn on the slightest whim between their children. In our case my H has been scapegoated for years. From what he and other family members describe he was more the lost or invisible child growing up.

Once he stepped firmly into adulthood and independence the scapegoating began and has not let up I am sorry to say. It is a difficult position to be in and I imagine you have concerns that your child will be scapegoated by extension in some ways and that seems like a very valid concern. Are you on good enough terms with your ex to talk this through and agree on a plan to protect your child from possible harmful behaviors from your ex in laws?

Some help may be found in the toolbox and disorders information at the tabs above and by reading through the coparenting board posts. Keep coming back and sharing with the community here. It helps! Again, warm welcome to you! 
Bloomie 🌸
"Some people really don't get it, that we matter as much as they do." Moglow
"It takes emotional maturity to maintain decent relationships." Spring Butterfly

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OrnamentBug

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Re: Almost divorced but concerned about PD grandparents
« Reply #2 on: September 13, 2017, 10:55:59 PM »
Thanks for your support bloomie.

I agree that it would be best if the ex and I had a plan for protecting our son. I'm just not sure what his awareness is about his mom. She has been very covert over the years and it's hard for him catch on to her ways, if he even wants to know.
 
He has protected our little one thus far(during the divorce), by not trying to take our child into that chaos, just  to please his unNPD mom. I think he is just bidding his time and planning to reintroduce our child to his parents after he gets on better terms with them. He said he's not at that point yet, but that can change quick.

The one plan we can agree upon is not leaving our child alone with them and he only agree's to that because it's in out parenting plan that we have to agree on caregivers.

I think that he thinks he deserves the treatment he gets from them because he was out of touch with them. He doesn't see their nasty behavior as a product of them and that they are harmful. I can only hope and pray that being around them will be so difficult for him that he will never reach the point of wanting to do reintroductions. Right now while my kid is undergoing a divorce is not what's in the best interest of our child. At least he gets that....