Feeling Like I'm The Crazy One

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kat63

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Feeling Like I'm The Crazy One
« on: September 13, 2017, 02:18:13 PM »
Some days I feel like I am the one who is crazy and he's putting up with my nuttiness, I'm so sad. I feel like I am almost hyper-sensitive to the things he says to me, and am I over reacting?...as I am told often by my son.  The weekend had its usual up's and down, he threw a tantrum on Friday as he thought I was going up the street for happy hour without him. I asked my sister to go, and when I asked him he didn't answer me because I knew he didn't want to go, so I get my wallet and as I'm about to say do you want to come, he freaks out and starts screaming at me, "fine go without me have a great time with your damn sister, I know you don't want me to come."  I get so knocked off balance with that behavior, I told him of course he could come, he was so offended, so I walked out. He Behaves like a child.  And then later that weekend he was talking to someone about a garden I have, its a community garden and I share a box with a girlfriend of mine. He refers to her as my weird girlfriend to the other people, and comments how small my tiny tomatoes are. Our friend was growing tomatoes and he asked if we could have a couple, and I said I was growing some, he made some remark that they are so small you can hardly use them...OK they are small but don't put me down about it.  Those last two comments it put me into such a bad, depressed mood, and its all the same crap, he devalues me and nothings good enough. not my garden, my friends. And I said something to him at that moment but its just skated over because we are with people, but after the fact I wanted to cry, and that's the way it always happens. And we go on and I feel like I always suck it up, become more angry and with drawn from him.  Am I overly sensitive, and why does this make me feel so crazy? Because one minute hes nice as can be and then he's putting me down or yelling at me. I am so close to permanently separating and leaving and then I feel guilty...I moved recently to another part of our house after we talked about separating. 

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notrightinthehead

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Re: Feeling Like I'm The Crazy One
« Reply #1 on: September 13, 2017, 04:58:55 PM »
He is showing you who he is.

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Mintstripes

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Re: Feeling Like I'm The Crazy One
« Reply #2 on: September 13, 2017, 09:34:33 PM »
 
He is showing you who he is.
:yeahthat:

This reminds me of my H.
They manufacture chaos, blame shift, gaslight, manipulate, play the victim etc. It's exhausting and part of their cycle.

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DancingRain

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Re: Feeling Like I'm The Crazy One
« Reply #3 on: September 14, 2017, 02:18:46 PM »
Yeah, part of the cycle.  One of his goals is to make you feel crazy.  Hang in there!

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Amora

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Re: Feeling Like I'm The Crazy One
« Reply #4 on: September 14, 2017, 02:42:07 PM »
Quote
The weekend had its usual up's and down, he threw a tantrum on Friday as he thought I was going up the street for happy hour without him. I asked my sister to go, and when I asked him he didn't answer me because I knew he didn't want to go, so I get my wallet and as I'm about to say do you want to come, he freaks out and starts screaming at me, "fine go without me have a great time with your damn sister, I know you don't want me to come."

If I were to do that, it would be his green light to start going out on me, behave recklessly and have women around him.

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Am I overly sensitive, and why does this make me feel so crazy?
It's their job to make you feel that way.  It's not you, it's him.  Don't fall for it.

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OpenHeart

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Re: Feeling Like I'm The Crazy One
« Reply #5 on: September 14, 2017, 02:44:57 PM »
The weekend had its usual up's and down, he threw a tantrum on Friday as he thought I was going up the street for happy hour without him. I asked my sister to go, and when I asked him he didn't answer me because I knew he didn't want to go, so I get my wallet and as I'm about to say do you want to come, he freaks out and starts screaming at me, "fine go without me have a great time with your damn sister, I know you don't want me to come."    When my dxNPD does this kind of thing, I just say "Whenever you decide, you know where I'll be" and then I leave without reacting to the inevitable.  I don't engage on the return either if he tries to start up something.  I act as if I am a vending machine and he is hitting all the wrong buttons...nothing comes out.  I go about my own business.

He Behaves like a child. Yup, that's a good picture to keep in mind, too.  They ARE emotionally children with adult intellect.  Don't expect more.

Our friend was growing tomatoes and he asked if we could have a couple, and I said I was growing some, he made some remark that they are so small you can hardly use them...OK they are small but don't put me down about it.  "Hey!  More tomatoes for me (in a joking tone).  Also, a suggestion that next year perhaps he would demonstrate to you how to grow tomatoes since he obviously knows so much more  (but without my sarcastic tone, lol). 

Those last two comments it put me into such a bad, depressed mood, and its all the same crap, he devalues me and nothings good enough. not my garden, my friends. And I said something to him at that moment but its just skated over because we are with people, but after the fact I wanted to cry, and that's the way it always happens. [color=purple Check out the toolbox as well as PD characteritistics.  There is a great book "Stop Caretaking the BPD/NPD" which many have found helpful.  I rarely feel bad (but not never) when he makes his comments.  I'm not what he says I am and I don't need his affirmation to make me a whole person.  Letting go of trying to fix them is a huge relief.  ][/color]

 Am I overly sensitive, and why does this make me feel so crazy? Because one minute hes nice as can be and then he's putting me down or yelling at me. I am so close to permanently separating and leaving and then I feel guilty...I moved recently to another part of our house after we talked about separating.  It doesn't matter if you are overly sensitive or not.  He says things which are meant to hurt and upset you.  Gray rock, walking away, not caretaking him but taking care of yourself are all great options.  Check out the toolbox above, find a helpful book (as I mentioned, Stop Caretaking the BPD/NPD was helpful.  He will NEVER change.  He can't b/c PDs can't change.  We can, although it takes work and effort.  Find a counselor who has worked with PDs before if you can.  They are the most helpful as they know exactly what you are going through without having to convince them of it.  Cut yourself some slack here b/c you are living with a person who is difficult to live with.  THey love it when we blame ourselves.  THey are experts as shifting blame to us, appearing a victim to themselves and others.  THey gaslight us until we are ready to check into the local asylum.  Just don't believe it.  PDs can never ask the introspective colors that you are asking.  His behavior is never your fault. 
I'm always disappointed when a liar's pants don't actually catch on fire.

WITCH - Woman In Total Control of Herself
BITCH - BABE In Total Control of Herself