Introduction

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Sarah777

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Introduction
« on: September 13, 2017, 02:31:17 PM »
Hi everyone, I live in South Africa, I'm divorced with three children. I'm a 37 year old female. Grew up in an abusive environment, dad drugs, mom depression. I also suffered forms of sexual abuse. This left me vulnareble and strangely drawn to exploitative personalities. Over the years this has slowly eaten away at my already fragile self-worth. Fell pregnant at the age of 16, only to discover my daughter suffers from a severe genetic disorder. I then ended up marrying a PD indivual. I don't only blame him, I allowed the abuse, and I enabled his addictions. After suffering three consecutive losses in a short space, I ended up falling for another PD individual which I believe I love. I am struggling to deal with the mental and emotional oppression of this relationship. We have known each other for a very long time, and I'm struggling with questions around of what love is supposed to be. It feels like I have been indoctrinated to believe that love is supposed to be unconditional, and if I do not conform, I start feeling guilty although I like to act like I'm in control, in fear of getting hurt. How do I break out of this web?
« Last Edit: September 13, 2017, 03:08:13 PM by Spring Butterfly »

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Spring Butterfly

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Re: Introduction
« Reply #1 on: September 13, 2017, 03:14:53 PM »
Welcome to Out of the FOG and I'm so sorry he all relationships have gone from one to the other PD throughout your life. It is possible to break out of the web as you call it or the cycle of abuse. Here's some links to get you started with some tools
http://outofthefog.website/top-100-trait-blog/2015/10/21/abusive-cycle
http://outofthefog.website/what-to-do-1/

In the toolbox what to do section the topics making good choices and rules of relationships might be a good place to start along with the topic on boundaries. You might want to take a look at the toolbox what it feels like and recycle bin. Many of us have frequently spun in circles in the recycle bin as far as how we interact with others.

There's also a topic on c-ptsd that might interest you since you mention childhood abuse. You'd probably find understanding and compassion on both the Chosen and unchosen support boards.

It's bittersweet to welcome new members, always glad you found your way here but unfortunate and that it's needed. Hopefully find the support here as healing and helpful in your journey as it has been in mine. Wishing you peace.
Each and every contact with a PD person results in damage. Plan accordingly and make time to heal. See Toolbox for tips.

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Sarah777

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Re: Introduction
« Reply #2 on: September 14, 2017, 12:20:28 AM »
Thank you!