Well, obviously

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trb151

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Well, obviously
« on: October 02, 2017, 10:54:51 AM »
It's laughable and maddening at the same time.  I have shared quite a bit here about my relationship with my uCovertNPDxW.  I learned never to allow them to bring anything from my home to her's as I will never get it back.  Well, their school had a book fair. I let them each pick something out, Oldest chose a book and Youngest chose a marker.  Went to buy and the credit card machine was down so they set them aside.  The next morning was transition day and I paid then. Well, against my better judgement I allowed them to take their new book and marker home with them from school to her house.

That was over a week ago...Today she sends me a note on another topic and I respond acknowledging and asking once again where the marker and book are.   She responds saying the book is in Oldest's backpack.  I respond again asking about the maker.  Her response:  He left the cover off of the marker and now it's dry. 

So maddening.  His fault,, obviously.... The Teflon Donna strikes again....


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mamato3

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Re: Well, obviously
« Reply #1 on: October 02, 2017, 12:49:42 PM »
The book and marker belong to the kids...not sure why you need to micromanage where they are. When dealing with PDs, you have to let some things go.

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trb151

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Re: Well, obviously
« Reply #2 on: October 02, 2017, 01:29:56 PM »
The book and marker belong to the kids...not sure why you need to micromanage where they are. When dealing with PDs, you have to let some things go.

Trust me I let plenty go.  Everything they bring to my house from hers goes back.  Nothing that goes there ever comes back.  This is more of a rant I suppose than anything and I disagree that this is micromanaging, they are 4 and 7.  Hah, go figure I'd like to once read them the book I bought for them.  And the fact that the marker is now destroyed is par for the course as well.
« Last Edit: October 02, 2017, 02:21:22 PM by trb151 »

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Stepping lightly

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Re: Well, obviously
« Reply #3 on: October 02, 2017, 02:57:11 PM »
Hi TRB151,

It definitely is a tricky balance!  In our situation, BM would then turn around and say "you're a terrible parent, why don't you have any reading materials or art supplies at your house for the children!?"

This seems like it was just one of the times where circumstances led to unfortunate timing for you.  I get it- I am currently trying to find a work around for school pictures- I had it all figured out for Elementary school, but with Middle school I need to start over.  If we just follow the school process we either don't get the pictures, are accused of stealing BM's pictures, or they show up after having been in the bottom of a book bag for 2 weeks.  Old process, the photographer let me order the pictures after the packages were received at school, and that way I could have them shipped directly to our house.  Hopefully I can do the same thing for middle school.  Yearbooks- another process, have had to get in touch with the coordinator at the school directly- pay her directly etc.  Otherwise...they never come to our house.

It was interesting- we had a situation with my stepson pop up last week.  He was claiming a pair of shorts at our home actually belonged at BM's and he had to return them.  I checked the label and said, "BM orders clothes from XYZ?"  He hesitated and said, "yes" (I 1000% knew they were shorts we had purchased- which is fine).  I said, "honey, I don't care which shorts you take back, but I want to make sure there isn't an issue if they are the "wrong" shorts".  I didn't want him to think he couldn't take them, they are his, but she gets awful angry about those things.  We've had a few things suddenly become "BM's" that we had bought.....not worth the argument. 

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Me_Again

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Re: Well, obviously
« Reply #4 on: October 02, 2017, 04:31:01 PM »
We have to deal with so much and choose to let so much go. Personally, I've come to the place where I know that if something I've bought goes to DD's dad's house that I'll probably never see it again. I try to buy "doubles" so DD doesn't get stressed about stuff going between the houses, but I'm not sure how successful that is. Assume that your XW is going to try and "get" you any way she can and in any petty way she can, and then if you have a "temper tantrum" (the way my xILs described me), you look like you're losing your marbles.

I know the frustration of "small" stuff like this. But you can't win this game. My opinion is that the next time there's a book fair or something similar and you buy your kids something, take it home with you. Or show up at dismissal and get it from them. Or just assume that you'll never see it again. It's truly up to you and your threshold of what you're willing to deal with.

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sweetpea79

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Re: Well, obviously
« Reply #5 on: October 04, 2017, 02:35:02 PM »
We deal with this as well. And just as SL states, our BM would behave the same way. BM would always, always ask for SD clothes back. Even though we always dressed her in the same clothes on return day. One item may have been missing, but it always eventually made it back. BM would accuse my H of “stealing”.... (wait, I thought they were SD clothes), or say, if he needs assistance with purchasing clothes, he needs to let her and the Court know, because he may be equipped to have SD 50% of the time.... (wait, both parents had 50/50 parenting time, and my H was paying full child support, because BM refused to work, to collect max child support).... BUT he wasn’t equipped to handle SD daily living needs.....

I get it. I totally get it.
It is not micromanaging and some times you just need to keep track of the children’s things.

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mamato3

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Re: Well, obviously
« Reply #6 on: October 04, 2017, 02:42:23 PM »
I guess I figure if you're fighting over a single marker then you have things pretty good! I understand just having enough though. I SO understand that.

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newday

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Re: Well, obviously
« Reply #7 on: October 12, 2017, 04:10:54 PM »
Ultimately you have to decide to let things go.  I've taken the position that the kids' stuff is theirs.  If I buy it for them its a gift. 

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sonto92

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Re: Well, obviously
« Reply #8 on: October 12, 2017, 08:52:40 PM »
Seems to be a common theme as well.  My current wife was struggling with stuff not coming back to our house for a while.  We just decided to do a lot of our clothes shopping for the kids at Goodwill.