Oh no. I almost fell into his trap.

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CoffeeCup2

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Oh no. I almost fell into his trap.
« on: October 12, 2017, 07:29:10 PM »
One of the things I have told uPDH was that I don’t feel valued. I don’t feel appreciated. I don’t feel loved. I think I mentioned this before, but we don’t go on dates, he won’t take me out for a nice dinner, won’t show he values me, etc.

So I was looking around and saw a few little things that he bought me. So I thought (briefly) well, maybe I was wrong. Maybe he did show me little tokens of appreciation.

Then I remembered that he bought these things for me only when he was buying the same things or something similar for his kids (trinkets, etc).  So, I was an afterthought.

When I first mentioned it he called up ALL these things he got for me so as to make it look like I’m the one who doesn’t appreciate him. At the time, I did fall into that trap and figured I was being very greedy.

It takes time to recognize things for what they really are I guess.

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clara

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Re: Oh no. I almost fell into his trap.
« Reply #1 on: October 13, 2017, 10:22:51 AM »
It's a trap, alright--sprung to make you the bad person in the relationship.  When all else fails, they'll say "at lease I'm with you" as if doing you some big favor, which in their minds it is!

My uNPDexh never bought me anything unless he felt obligated to do so, like at Christmas.  We seldom did anything together and in the last years of the marriage did nothing together.  He always had an excuse but would mention his continued presence in the home as something I should be content with.  The thing is, I should've seen this coming when, on the very first date we ever went on, he took me to a mall where I had to buy my own fast-food dinner, and then he bought a tin of tea which I thought he was intending to give to me but, nope, he bought it for himself and took it home!  At the time I was pretty stunned but let it go, and yet it was honestly the first indication of future behavior.  I had no idea.