Goals for 2018... What are your goals?

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Goals for 2018... What are your goals?
« on: December 31, 2017, 04:19:45 PM »
I looked back at what I had put for 2017 a few days ago...and to my amazement, I had reached some and made positive gains in the other. I'm so glad I had posted what they were last year.  My new goals are:

1.  No longer using my pd experience as an excuse not to do things or take risks.
2. Continue to increase my comfort level around men and be open to dating.
3. Raise my self esteem.
4. To let my true authentic self come out- the "old" Mariposa was shaped and groomed, now I am free to let my true personality come out without repercussion.
5.  Stop procrastinating- I've sat on the couch long enough and ruminated , I'm healing, it's time to get moving!



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Re: Goals for 2018... What are your goals?
« Reply #1 on: December 31, 2017, 07:26:48 PM »
1.  Trust much more in myself.

2.  Have faith in myself and in whatever sort of higher power I know exists.

3.  Act on 1 and 2

4.  Listen more and talk less

5.  Try to curb my irritability quotient

6.  Ask the moderators to please change the title of this Forum to simply "Goals."  All goals are in the future, though goals in the past would be easier to meet.

7.  Learn to love and be loved honestly, for the first time in my adult life.

8.  Shop around at least one of my completed books.
"Wisdom's a gift, but you'd trade it for youth, Age is an honor but still not the truth"  Vampire Weekend.



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Re: Goals for 2018... What are your goals?
« Reply #2 on: January 04, 2018, 11:03:20 PM »
    • Self care
    • Be more confident
    • Smile and laugh more
    • Keep decluttering
    • Surround myself with people that love me and understand me
    • Raise my self-esteem
    • Don't overthink
    • Enjoy the little things
    • Travel more

"Awareness is the first step in healing." - Dean Ornish

Unsent letter http://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=70583.0



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Re: Goals for 2018... What are your goals?
« Reply #3 on: January 29, 2018, 09:49:13 PM »
I have been waiting, waiting, patiently biding my time till the youngest turns 12 and i dont have to “ask” uNPDh for permission to move back to my home country,  since if he says no, my chances of getting a judge to rule in my favor ( that i can take the kids and legally move back to my  country) are very good, considering both boys do not have a healthy attachment to him due to his uNPD behavior. So, the hour has finally come. DS will be 12 this spring. I have a good lawyer. I have a leave of absence for one year from my job, just in case the boys really really want to come back; the back door is open. I plan to move at the start of the new school year. So here goes:

1. inform uNPDh next week that the boys and i plan to move
2. wait 30 days for him to either sign off that we can go, or file for a family court date if he says no.
3. Wait to see what judge decides. If no, then regroup, accept my fate, and keep living the not so terrible life I have here. Wait on divorce till kids are older so i can avoid the whole custody battle. DS 15 sees dad 1x a month for 2 hrs, DS12 goes 4 hrs per week.
4. If judge rules in my favor, I am free to divorce because i know kids are protected from visitation (they’ll be in my home country, far across the ocean).  And if we really are allowed to move this fall, the list of goals for the year will get full very quickly!
5. Renew home state teaching licence.
6. Get a job
7. Get a place to live
8. Sell everything here
9. Buy new stuff there
10. Solve problem of what to do with our dog for that first year; he’s big, and needs time and attention.

Thanks for starting this thread! Yes, we are healing, and move on we shall!

Here’s a toast to that published book - one or maybe all of them!


Little star
Where would you like to travel?




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Re: Goals for 2018... What are your goals?
« Reply #4 on: January 30, 2018, 06:59:57 AM »
Hello Mariposa and thanks for posting this.
My wish is to paint pictures regularly as a hobby.  I can do it well but I get this sort of weary feeling when I start to think about it. When I push through that feeling and get started I feel really good. The weary feeling is very strong. It's got fear in it and a kind of hopeless feeling  ....like what's the point. I know from therapy that it comes from my PD upbringing ..... my parents owned everything about me. I read somewhere of the term 'child wearing' .....where the parent wears the child like a coat. But i am 55 now and NC with my NF 2 months now. My therapist encouraged me to develop this discipline....because everything we do is some kind of discipline that we had to learn over time. It's about going into the room or heading outside to face people and just doing it .....little by little. Unlearning bad habits and learning new good habits through practice and repetition.   :)



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Re: Goals for 2018... What are your goals?
« Reply #5 on: January 31, 2018, 03:16:31 AM »
I want to go camping.  Just me and my kids, hanging out in the mountains or in the desert.  No stress, no pressure, no subtle worry about what she is going to say or think.  Just hanging out and looking at the empty sky. 

...and I want to visit my old Pastor.  Got a lot of catching up to do.

and road trip my daughter to college. 

yea.  that is it.  I do those things I will feel like it is a good year!
To know a man who loves peace, you must know a man who knows chaos.
To know a man who understands love, you must know a man who has felt malice.
To know a man who understand limitations, you must know a man who knows failure.
To know a man who is truly strong, you must know a man who has been broken



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Re: Goals for 2018... What are your goals?
« Reply #6 on: February 01, 2018, 07:52:45 PM »
get my kitchen extension done,

continue to progress in my strength training- first goal to deadlift over my own bodyweight.

To continue to unshakably become my own best friend and have the ability to soothe myself in most adverse circumstances that aren't unusually extreme.

To get an al-anon sponser and really start working the steps

To maintain my boundaries at work so I don't end up getting burnout again.



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Re: Goals for 2018... What are your goals?
« Reply #7 on: February 04, 2018, 07:19:57 AM »
Thanks, Mariposa. 2017 wasn't so great (PDh was in eight months of chemo with me as the primary caretaker/chauffeur/ cook, etc.) so I am so happy to see it in the rear view mirror!!! It was a 24/7 thing  with a HUGE narc.  What a ride that was! He is going to be okay, though, and is in complete remission. He is even driving himself.  :fireworks: Of course, now the worst part is he is depressed because he isn't getting supply from every direction.   :stars: No more doctors, nurses, pharmacists, me, whoever. So he got the doctor to give him a prescription for it. Actually, that worked out pretty well since he has taken this particular anti depressant before and it helped a bit with his constant, low level depression.

Okay....I saw a sign the other day that summed it all up:

"Make the rest of your life the best of your life." That's my biggest goal. For 2018 and beyond.

1. Get a new (well, old,new) car...done it already, just last week! Yea!
2.Get rid of more of the junk in my life. (Hard with the PDh being a hoarder, but slowly but surely!) and work toward getting my house back in order. (It has been pretty ignored for eight months!)
3. Keep building my little business...it suffered mightily in the last eight months, but is on its way....again.  One step at a time.
4. Get back to my music (my hobby/ occasionally a supplementary income). Really, really, really missed it. I'd like to see more income from it this year too.
5. Get back to getting in better shape (just joined the Y). Hey, I'm rocking it already this year!  :)
6. Get to my new therapist next month and get to work on my own "recovery".

I can't believe how much I've already gotten done in a month (and four days)!

Bothar, I understand that "weary" feeling you are talking about. I also came from (love that term) a  "Child wearing" PDm. You just have such a hard time getting past the start of things, I do understand. I think I am just waiting for my PDm to tell me why it is impossible for me to do whatever I'm going to do. (And then I wouldn't tell her...duh...and she'd complain and whine about why I wouldn't talk to her about things. Gee.....) I have that same problem, too.  I wish you the best with that.
"It is not my job to fix other people; everyone is on their own journey."



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Re: Goals for 2018... What are your goals?
« Reply #8 on: March 20, 2018, 07:54:59 PM »
- Try to be even less socially awkward and more comfortable around people;
- Joining courses to get a job more easier as I already know I can't count on Nparents for anything;
- Improving art skills and start selling commissions to help in saving money and who knows building a small business with it;
- Get facial treatment to remove scars without PD parents' help because as I've told before I can't count on them;
- Do not be afraid to ask people for help when I need to because unlike what PD parents taught and did to me, they won't make fun of me or trashtalk behind my back when I leave, and if they do it's about them not me;
- Literally raise self esteem, since it never existed;
- Find decent and healthy people to be surrounded with them;
- Go out more and try to don't care about NM's childish tantrums and cheap bait when I leave the house



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Re: Goals for 2018... What are your goals?
« Reply #9 on: March 24, 2018, 03:58:33 AM »
My one big goal for 2018 is to take care and be gentle towards myself. To not force myself to perform and push myself through difficult situations, but instead give myself a long hug and allow myself pleasure, relaxation and comfort. To not rely on other people for my happiness and healing, but to be my own loving parent. In every moment, ask myself what I want and what would make me feel excited or happy and then allow myself those things.



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Re: Goals for 2018... What are your goals?
« Reply #10 on: April 08, 2018, 05:22:43 PM »
1 accept most invitations to get out and do things.  (2017 was my cancer treatment year...)
2  regain my fitness level
3  make new friends
4  spend quality and quantity time with people I love
5  look for ways to give back



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Re: Goals for 2018... What are your goals?
« Reply #11 on: April 22, 2018, 02:24:18 PM »
1.  Take care of myself.

2.  Put more effort into myself.

3.  Begin and stick with an exercise program.

4.  Work on developing more confidence.



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Re: Goals for 2018... What are your goals?
« Reply #12 on: May 01, 2018, 11:16:35 AM »
1. Get a job

2. Start a blog.

3. Exercise more and take better care of my health in general.

4. Stop hating my malignant narcissist ex-husband and instead take pity on him.



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Re: Goals for 2018... What are your goals?
« Reply #13 on: May 27, 2018, 04:35:50 AM »
4. To let my true authentic self come out- the "old" Mariposa was shaped and groomed, now I am free to let my true personality come out

This one makes me smile :-D Im working hard on this one and its healing me inside to know that I dont have to be somebody else. If someone is not comfortable with my true self, they dont need to be part of my life. And if someone really likes me and wants me in their life, they will not be put off by my imperfection. I used to think I needed to be so perfect just to be 'tolerated'. I never stopped to think that I, for the most part, accept people for who they are. Now I know I deserve the same :-)



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Re: Goals for 2018... What are your goals?
« Reply #14 on: May 27, 2018, 05:15:12 AM »
So here is my own list of what I would like to do and see changed in my life in 2018:

-I would like to be more kind towards myself. I would like to see myself with better eyes and to stop punishing myself for my little mistakes.

-I would like to stop believing, for good, that I need to be perfect for others. I would like to be myself instead. I would LOVE to quit longing to be accepted by people who are invested in seeing me in a bad light (namely my PD parents and brother, some old girlfriends who abandonded me when I tried to set boundaries and an old T who tried to convince me I was someone I was not). I would like to wish them well and let them go.

-Along these lines, I would like to allow myself to express myself more freely. I have been wanting to start a blog for some time. Perhaps now is the moment to start? Painting is another one. Ive already signed up to a "freestyle" painting course, so I tick that box :-) In general, I would like to allow my emotions, both positive AND negative, to shine through.

-I would like to start a dance class. I would like to find a work out plan that I love and to stick to it. I want to do it for my health and welbeing, and not to fight my negative body image. I would wish for myself to gain respect for my body and to treat it with the kindness it deserves. No more strict dieting, no more trying to stick to workout routines that bore me and leave me frustrated.

-I would love to start my own bizz and to put myself out there for customers to find me.

-I would like to start cooking. I like to cook and eating healthy is one of my goals, but cooking is a massive trigger for me as it reminds me of my mom. I would like to find a way to deal with this trigger so that I can get closer to my ideal health and welness state.

-I would love to work less and relax more. I would love to create enough space to enjoy the small things in life. I would love to be more present in my life so I can experience all those little things.

-I would love to trust more, in life and in other people. Ive made great progress here already; however, I dream of a day when I can dive into relationships (with healthy people!) without waiting for the other shoe to drop.