Book recommendation about NC and healing after emotional abuse?

[LittleStar]

Hey guys,

I'm wondering if anyone has a suggestion of books related to NC and healing after emotional abuse. I already read some books about the narcissistic personality disorder, about caretaking for the NPD/BPD, about the emotional immature parents, about the toxic parents and I also read "Will I ever be good enough?"... Now I wanted to read something that could help me in this journey of healing, of taking care of myself and needs.

Thanks 

[GettingOOTF]

I'm interested in this too.

I have read some of the books you listed. I started Healing The Child Within but I didn't get very far. It's hard to find a book that deals with what I need (pretty much what you described).

I have wondered if my focus should be less on trying to understand the PDs in my life and more on my personal healing.

My struggle with the Healing The ... is that is has some meditations/visualizations that you are supposed to do. You're supposed to record yourself reading the scrip and then listen to it while doing it. I would have preferred a recording of someone else.

Hopefully someone has some good recommendations for us.

[all4peace]

This was an excellent book. Not too much about NC but lots about self care and healing: http://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=18366.0

[openskyblue]

Have you checked out Sam Vaknin's YouTube feed? He has a very straightforward approach, but I find his research and recommendations very helpful.

[NoVoice357]

Hello LittleStar,

Some books on healing, working on ourselves, on our self-esteem:

Who Am I? How Did I Get this Way? by D.O. Joseph E. Spear and M.A. Cecilia A. Spear

The Tao of Fully Feeling by Pete Walker

How to Raise Your Self-Esteem or any other book by Nathaniel Branden

Hope this helps.

[LittleStar]

Thanks a lot for the suggestions, guys! I will have a look. 

I have wondered if my focus should be less on trying to understand the PDs in my life and more on my personal healing.

For me, I think I reached a stage where I no longer want to keep reading about PD but want to focus on my healing and how to overcome the FOG. That's why I was asking for any books that could help. 

[djcleo]

I'm not far into the book yet, but it may be part of healing rejection. "Uninvited " by Lysa TerKeurst. She's a Christian author, but it looks like she definitely did her research.

[Mattie]

I found Beverly Engel's books the best after a long time searching, reading and evaluating.  The one that I found most useful about emotional, sexual or physical abuse was called "It's Not Your Fault" by Beverly Engel.

She addresses the need for compassion for yourself when abuse creates shame and self-criticism in its victims. 
The thing is that Beverly was a victim herself and knows what it feels like. 
I've found this book really resonated with me. 
It has really changed my world.
Others she has written are 'Breaking the Cycle of Abuse', The Emotionally Abusive Relationship, Loving Him without Losing You, The Power of Apology, The Emotionally Abused Woman, Honor Your Anger.

[GettingOOTF]

I am currently reading Girl Wash Your Face. It's about the lies we tell ourselves about our selves and how to stop believing them. I'm really enjoying it and finding a lot in there that resonates with me.

She mentions how she didn't have an easy start and that her family was dysfunctional and she didn't realize that here was any other way to be a family. That really struck me as I was the same way.

Here is a quote from it that also really struck me.

We rarely hear the lies we've created about ourselves because they've been playing so loudly in our ears for so long that they've become white noise. The hateful narrative bombards us every day, yet we don't even realize it's there. Recognizing the lies we've come to accept about ourselves is the key to growing into a better version of ourselves. If we can identify the core of our struggles while simultaneously understanding that we are truly in control of conquering them,

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B072TMB75T/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1

There are a few things in the book that I don't relate to directly - she talks  a lot about being a mother and I don't have kids, but the underlying "lies" can be applied to any area of your life. She is also an evangelical Christian. The book isn't preachy, but she mentions it a lot. Some reviewers found it off putting, but again the underlying issues and truths are the same regardless of who they are attributed to.

Her writing style is conversational and she comes across as caring. There have been a couple of things so far that I've found very helpful in untangling the mess in my head from my upbringing and going NC.

I hope this is helpful to someone here.

[openskyblue]

Ummm...I'm rethinking my Sam Vankin recommendation. I just saw an investigative film having to do with him, and it left me with some questions.

[learningtocope]

I read these books below, although they were not focused on NPD or BPD; they helped me to focus on myself and work on my own issues that made me choose to be in the toxic relationship for so long and exposure to abuse. During this time you feel so much, its all merged together and hard to sort out how you feel. We were walking on eggshells and so attuned to the PD partner and not focused on ourselves - that we forget how to. Its like atrophy.

-codependency no more by Melody Beatty (often times we think we are not codependent)
-the language of letting go by Melody Beatty
-when things fall apart by Pema Chodron
-the four agreements by Miguel Ruiz
-listened to super soul sunday podcasts

good luck and safe journeys