Dog neglected - I just feel sick

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Thelma

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Dog neglected - I just feel sick
« on: March 05, 2018, 07:58:30 AM »
My 21 year old daughter moved back in with me about 4 months ago after a dramatic/chaotic break-up with boyfriend (whom she claimed abused her).  Things were going okay, no major events, but she refused to participate in household chores, events, etc. because in a matter of a few weeks, she has another boyfriend.  She is currently not working, not going to school and has no car and no real friends except ones made from boyfriend.  I agreed she could stay with me to help her get her feet on the ground, enroll in community college, get part-time job and work on being independent.

I had planned a week long vacation and asked her if I should have my friend take our dog for the week or if she would take care of him and she agreed to care for him.  So I left her in charge of the house and our dog.  I told her I expected her to keep the house picked up, vacume daily and clean her extremely filthy bedroom.  She happily agreed to this.

I returned home yesterday and am extremely upset.  She was not home when I got here, so what I discovered, I discovered on my own.  Although she did clean up her bedroom, the kitchen was not and doesn't appear that she did any vacuming or dusting.   However, my dog seems to be
highly traumatized.  I first noticed that the dog food container looks at about the same level as when I left and my dog looks a few pounds thinner.  But, the worst part is when I went into my bedroom, there was blood all over the sheet and comforter and my dog's nose is red raw.  I normally keep the bedroom doors closed when I'm not home, but apparently the door was left open.  I guess he missed me and was rubbing his nose on my bed frantically.  I also found blood on my recliner in the living room.

I don't think she stayed at the house at all.  My sister spoke with her on the day I was flying home and she says she came several times a day to take care of him.  Oh my God, I couldn't believe it.  What a lyer she is.  My dog is clearly upset and thin.  I didn't find any "accidents" in the house, so I'm assuming she came and let him out, but I can't figure out why she wouldn't stay here in the house.  I think my dog was left here for one whole week totally alone, slept alone and she came in a few times a day to let him go potty.  He has been very clingy since I came home Saturday evening and he did eventually eat and drink.   I have not talked with my daughter since I got home - no call or text from her - I am assuming she's at the boyfriends.  I just feel sick.  But, I know if I question her about all this, there will be a huge battle and I am not up for it - just returned from a very peaceful vacation and must return to work tomorrow.  I just don't know what to do; I feel sick.....
« Last Edit: March 05, 2018, 08:01:20 AM by Thelma »

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Hikercymru

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Re: Dog neglected - I just feel sick
« Reply #1 on: March 05, 2018, 10:50:11 AM »
Hello.
I am so sorry for you and your dog!!
Just wanted to say: you dont have to do anything straight away. Your dog is safe but traumatized and nothing you say or do will change that.
Your daughter is who she is and nothing you say or do will change that.
So, do what is best for you and cuddle the dog and go to work and calm down.
Say nothing until you know what you want and how to express it.
In time, you will know.
You cant change your daughter but you can think about what you are willing to put up with.
Big hugs

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Thelma

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Re: Dog neglected - I just feel sick
« Reply #2 on: March 05, 2018, 11:31:07 AM »
Why thank you, Hiker......this is just what I needed to hear.  I don't know when she will come around, but I have promised myself not to say anything about this for awhile and to not react dramatically.  I just need to take some time to think about my response.  Thanks again!

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momnthefog

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Re: Dog neglected - I just feel sick
« Reply #3 on: March 05, 2018, 01:20:37 PM »
Thelma,

What an awful situation to return to.

I'm so sorry for you and your pup.

I refuse to leave any dependent living being (plant, pet, child) with my PD adult child.  In fact, my other adult children (and parents and sibling) were informed that if I'm ever hospitalized in critical condition, they are not allowed alone with me.

Call me paranoid....I don't trust them.

momnthefog





"She made broken look beautiful and strong look invincible.  She walked with the universe on her shoulders and made it look like a pair of wings."

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Gardener

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Re: Dog neglected - I just feel sick
« Reply #4 on: March 31, 2018, 07:08:13 AM »
I am new to this forum, but what you described about the dog is so sad but I can relate.  I am sorry about your pup but glad that things didn't get worse for him.  I am only now beginning to realize that my DD has been abusing my pets and on purpose breaking any pretty houseplants that I get.  I think it is part of passive behavior to get back at me - I am not sure. 

The advise to lay low until you know what to say and do is good.  I am thankful for this place to share feelings with others and a chance to process before being involved in a battle of wills.

Stay strong.

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Maddie Sue

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Re: Dog neglected - I just feel sick
« Reply #5 on: April 24, 2018, 11:37:27 PM »
Hi
I am new here also and an animal lover. This makes me sad for your dog and you..
I think you are wise to not address the situation until you are ready.
Your dog will love you no matter what. He/she is just so happy you are home.

I am learning new terms here little by little.
I am glad you shared your story so I will make sure to not trust my Adult PD child with my animals if and when I go away.

This is all new to me, so I am living and learning how to make positive choices. I just got off the merry go round but have not gone NC yet