A "Chance" Encounter?

  • 7 Replies
  • 240 Views
*

ZDandelion

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • 170
A "Chance" Encounter?
« on: March 12, 2018, 10:49:44 AM »
I had an appointment to get my car inspected on Saturday.  The car place continues to keep our two cars linked in their system even though my ex has bought a new car since I left and I have never even seen it.  So when I went in to the shop on Saturday morning, I yet again begged them to separate the information, trying to be nice, said "It's just awkward."  Then the guy verified my address and told me that HIS car is linked to MY address!  Oh, NO!  I made it clear that I do not want him to have my address and they needed to clear that up finally.  So he removed any address info from my ex's record and said he would have the ex give him the new address when he comes in for service the next time.  I was thinking, "Well, he lives 40 minutes away now, surely he has a new place."  So I go back to the lounge to wait for my car.  Same guy comes back, we go out to a table in the showroom and he lets me know what work that needs to be done. I approve and he goes off to finish my car.  About 20 minutes later, he comes back.  I am still sitting at the table in the showroom because it is actually quieter there.  He looks at me and says, "Your car isn't ready but I wanted to ask if you saw what happened right after you left the service counter when you came in?"  Weird, right?  So I said, "No, what happened."  "Your EX CAME IN RIGHT AFTER YOU!!!"  Say what!?!?!  He said, "Yeah, it was weird."  "IS HE STILL HERE?"  "No, I waited until he left to say anything."  It seems he came in and my car was still in the service area so he had to see it.  Instead of coming back to the lounge as he usually does, he went to the far corner of the showroom and waited.  Thank God for that.  And I kept thinking, "What are the chances of THAT happening?  Of us having service done on exactly the same date at exactly the same time?"  Now, I think that perhaps in addition to the address being mine, maybe they have his email address down for my vehicle and he got the appointment reminder and decided to come all that way...for what?  So I am going to call them today and make sure that everything about my car is separate from everything for his car. 
And I have to say that, after months of pure calm in my spirit, I immediately went into panic mode - heart racing, gut dropping fear filled me.  Why was he here? What would he have done if I had seen him?  What would I have done?  I like to believe that I have escaped pretty much unscathed by the worst of our time together but moments like that remind me that I carry the wounds and they still hurt. 

*

Medowynd

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • 266
Re: A "Chance" Encounter?
« Reply #1 on: March 12, 2018, 02:19:11 PM »
If they can't seem to separate your information, you may want to look for another place for service work.

*

Whiteheron

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • 1811
Re: A "Chance" Encounter?
« Reply #2 on: March 12, 2018, 03:06:59 PM »
That is horrifying! Triple check - address, email and phone# must be changed. That was not a coincidence - why did he need to see your car, specifically?
*shudder*
You can't destroy me if I don't care.

Being able to survive it doesn't mean it was ever ok.

*

GettingOOTF

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • 668
Re: A "Chance" Encounter?
« Reply #3 on: March 12, 2018, 05:52:02 PM »
I was discussing this in therapy today. These ďchance encountersĒ are driving me
crazy. I feel like I will never be free of him.

We have no more ties. Nothing to be in contact with but he constantly finds a way.

Iím worried Iím going to come home and he will be here waiting. I feel like I will never be free of him.

My therapist (who knows him as we did couples therapy with her) says that itís a form of control and a way to punish me for leaving. She agrees that I will probably never be free of him and she says I have to find a way to live with that fact.

I am seriously considering moving across the country. I have no ties here. The worst part is that seeing him brings up all these horrible memories and also I feel helpless like when I was married as there is nothing I can do. I canít even tell him to leave me alone, I just have to ignore him as contact is what heís fishing for.

After we separated I went through all the things we shared - mutual friends, doctors, places we both liked to hang it and I changed every single one of them. I was a pain and I was angry about it, but otherwise Iíd be running into him all the time.  I think actively minimizing the chance of contact is the only way.

*

mdana

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • 1940
Re: A "Chance" Encounter?
« Reply #4 on: March 12, 2018, 07:53:03 PM »
Ughgh!

For a 2-3 years post divorce, my ex stalked several of my friends on FB, and me on linked in... heís too dumb to know that you can always tell who has been looking at your profile...

And, occasionally I would bump into him and his young GF/wife in places that were way too coincidental to believe.

Take good care of yourself ... it feels so creepy and horrifying to know this, and one tends to question if itís a coincidence or paranoia. Trust your gut!!

💜
Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive. The Dalai Lama

*

ZDandelion

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • 170
Re: A "Chance" Encounter?
« Reply #5 on: March 12, 2018, 08:02:52 PM »
Thanks, all.  Whiteheron, my car was still in the service line when he came in - you drive it into the service garage so it was right there at the service desk and he knows my license plate (personalized) so he would have known I was there. 
I did call them today and spoke to management and they have fixed it and, yes, it seems they still had his email address on my account and that could be my bad because I didn't think about the email address when I talked to them before.  I will call them again in a week or so and verify that the records are still separate. 
GettingOOTF, this was the first such encounter in more than a year, at least that I am aware of.  Our friends all let him go (those who came to us through him were mostly his work colleagues and they had seen his antics at work and were done with him before I was).  When his family didn't cut all ties with me, he cut ties with them...even his daughters! But I do know that feeling that I will never be free of him. 
And, yes, Mdana, I did go through the "I am just imagining this."  Because really, what did he accomplish with it? Well, other than making me feel physically ill just knowing how close he came. I was actually at some level a little disappointed that I didn't see him.  I have lost about 50 lbs since I left him and I weigh less than I ever did when we were together and I am healthy, happy and peaceful and I hope that would have been evident!

*

Liftedfog

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • 1996
Re: A "Chance" Encounter?
« Reply #6 on: March 12, 2018, 08:21:37 PM »
Very smart of you to double check in a week to confirm.  I had to do this in two places.  Both times it was a logistical nightmare to sever ties.  One place gave me the story they could not. They needed his permission.  I told them then remove me and all my info and remove my credit card that was set up for auto pay. After I told them I have an RO against him and was a victim of domestic assault and I was NOT about to call him up they softened.  Too late.  They lost my business.   Another place claimed to have severed our info but they had not when I double checked.  I don't give them my business either.   Protect yourself and stay vigilante.  If he was a nice person, he would not be your ex.

*

Funmum

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • 232
Re: A "Chance" Encounter?
« Reply #7 on: March 15, 2018, 02:08:37 AM »
There's no such thing as a chance encounter in my experience. It's all designed to keep his feeling of control. My stbx stalked me and told me repeatedly, told the police that I was obsessed with what he was doing and therefore kept talking about seeing him. His parents reported me to the police two days after I took him to court to get an exclusion order to get him away from me the last time, told the police I was calling their house all through the night because I was obsessed with wanting to know where he was and what he was doing....if just spent £5k trying to have nothing to do with him!?!?!
He later admitted to me, not the police that he tracked me using an app on my phone. He was filming me in our home without my knowledge when he wasn't there. All of this he did whilst making me look like a crazy person obsessed with him. He broke police bail by buying a phone and SIM card specifically to call me, play music he thought id recognise and gang up. He swore blind it wasn't him doing this, swore to me it wasn't and said I'd destroyed him by going to the police, how could I do that, but later admitted what he had done. Said he was determined to seek help to become a better person.
This is not chance, it's not coincidence. Trust me and trust your gut and get it changed. Don't let him back in. Xxx