He's back. Could cry.

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Funmum

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He's back. Could cry.
« on: March 16, 2018, 08:08:36 PM »
All day I've had a horrible feeling knowing he was coming back. I knew it would be Friday when he said "Friday/Saturday" it's part of his game.
He's disappeared I think I can guess where but don't care to ask, for last few days, left my kids and I with no heat, knowing that's what he intended to do, making sure it wasn't fixed quickly. Now he's back and clearly thinks he can just come back into the house and my bed after disappearing again. I'm going to be forced out again because he enjoys this and I can't be lying next to him. I was praying all the way home he wouldn't be here. I'd called into supermarket and bought myself a body lotion and bath soak incase I got the night to myself but no. He's here. His stuff all over my room and he's brought his son here on a night he's supposed to be at his mother's, they are in his room at the moment but no doubt whenever it suits him I'll get him strutting into my space with that self satisfied grin on his face knowing he's causing me pain.
I'm feeling that anxious hyper vigilant way again and it's horrible. I'm not sure how to handle this weekend. My kids are home in morning. I want to just basically ignore him. Is that wrong of me? X

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Funmum

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Re: He's back. Could cry.
« Reply #1 on: March 16, 2018, 09:20:02 PM »
I did what id intended after work, had a long shower. Made myself feel something resembling human. I came out and there he was. As predicted, lying on our bed like the cat that got the cream.
I went back in our shower room, locked the door, brushed my hair, got myself into pjs. He starts knocking on the door being nice at first, as though he's speaking to a scared child, calls my name. I asked him what he wanted. "You need to talk to me love". I'm fully aware that any time over the last few weeks that he's asked me to talk to him he's gotten angry at goodness knows what and I've been told to shut my mouth. I don't want to go through that again. So I said "I'd rather not talk to you thank you". Again he repeated, "come on, we need to talk love". I repeated again, "I'd rather not talk to you thank you"
So this time he gets a bit annoyed, "we need to talk you can't just keep repeating that".
I say to him, "I'd rather not talk to you thank you". Then he starts. So your just going to keep repeating that?
I say nothing.
Your just going to say nothing?
I come out, I grab my bag of stuff to take to my son's room.
"So that's how this is going to be is it? That's how you want this to play out?" In the more recognisable nasty tone I'm accustomed to.
"Very bloody mature"
I continue to say nothing. I go back to get my tablets I take at night for my back.
"So this is how you want it? I hope you are happy with yourself! I hope you know what you are doing! Very mature! Well done you" all the way out the door he continues while I don't look at him and remain silent.
He's bullied me out of my bedroom again.
Am I being what he says I am?
I know he's incapable of talking to me and listening to me and wanting in any way to understand me. He's just done it again. As soon as the "nice" act didn't get him what he wants he reverts to bully. As soon as I don't give him what he wants the true him of the bully comes out. I know he has no regard for my wants needs or feelings or that of my children's.
I know whatever he wanted to say would have ended in me crying and him acting like he's done me a big favour by ever looking my way. I don't see what I needed to listen to that for. I organised a viewing of house today like he wanted. Estate agents have a set of keys that I got cut like he wanted. I emailed copies of all correspondence with them to him so he knows all of this. I fail to see what else I need to do.
I've poured myself a drink for the first time in a while. Not to be drunk but just to sit and unwind and watch to and try to take the edge off.
If he had been able to come back and say he knew how wrong he had been, he knew he needed to go to therapy with me I'd have been sucked back in possibly. Although maybe not. He's probably done me a favour by showing himself as himself.
I'm in such a bad place right now and he's making me feel like the bad guy again. I just need some clarity. Maybe I am being the bad one by giving silent treatment. But if I speak I get abuse. I can't win. Any support would be greatly appreciated. Feeling very alone right now. Xxx

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142757

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Re: He's back. Could cry.
« Reply #2 on: March 16, 2018, 09:31:59 PM »
He's the one with the problem. No one in a relationship disappears for any length of time w/o informing their partner where they are.


My question is why is he allowed back in the house & can "kick" you out of your bedroom? Does he own part of the house?
"Somedays you just can't get rid of a bomb."

Adam West (Batman)
9/19/28 - 6/10/17

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LightOrb

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Re: He's back. Could cry.
« Reply #3 on: March 16, 2018, 09:50:29 PM »
Oh, Funmum, :bighug: I am praying for you everyday, that things get better and you can get out. I don't have any advice or help to offer you, except to remind you that you are not the abusive one. Don't let him make you believe that. Something I did to really 'see' was to make a list of the horrible things he did to me. I tend to change stories in my memory to make them less horrible, I've come to discover. Do your list and read them when you doubt. You'll see who is abusing who.

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symbasmommy

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Re: He's back. Could cry.
« Reply #4 on: March 17, 2018, 12:35:23 AM »
Funnyman please stay strong...he is horrible and so manipulative....I know you doubt yourself and esteem is low but make a plan please and stay safe...stay away from any form of confrontation ......praying others chime in to boost you up....take care.....you're not wrong....

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Funmum

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Re: He's back. Could cry.
« Reply #5 on: March 17, 2018, 07:08:09 AM »
Thank you for your support.
Yes, he owns half the house. Convinced me during a year long Hoover to sell my house, my lovely safe home, my children's home and buy a house with him. I was stupid. He sold a dream of creating something new together. In reality it was just a venue to keep me captive to unleash his behaviour.
It's on the market.
I've been up early, got house warm in awful weather for my kids coming home.
I could hear him stomping about upstairs, then crashing downstairs. My two younger kids are home now. I thought I'd kept things from them but my lovely son put his arms around me and whispered, "are you ok?" I said, "of course, you guys are back, I'm great!"
Then he whispered, "I see he's back, I'm worried you are ok."
I reassured him that it makes no difference to us. We are a great team, the four of us, me and my three kids. We stick together and we are great because of that. He smiled and just said "ok".
We are watching a program we all like that I'd recorded for them. Having a cuddle on sofa. No idea what he is doing this weekend. His son isn't supposed to be here today, but he is. I really can't wait to have him gone from my life.
He's wired today. I can tell by the way he's stomping. He's got the to upstairs so loud we can hear every word down here. Everything he does needs an audience and needs to impact on others. Everything x