Crazy Fantasies of Wealth/Power? The inner life of a PD....

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WaitingForTheSun

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Your PD have ENDLESS fantasies of wealth & power?  Willing to share any stories?  Here's mine...

Yesterday, I was on the phone with narc father.  I was trying to get narc father to help my disabled, dependent brother out with his medical bills.  My brother does everything for narc father, and his medical bills aren't that much.  Narc father is VERY well off, and I know my mother (who passed away yrs ago) would have wanted that.  But, narc father wouldn't have it.  And, I would help, but I'm also paying lots of health & dental bills right now.  Yep, I'm sad  :sadno:
 
When I was talking to narc father, he suddenly switched into this awful rant against my long dead mother.  It was really out there.

Here's what he said:  "She held me back!  I could have been SO WEALTHY.  She didn't want to take the risk and buy more real estate.  But, they won't let you buy property unless your wife signs the mortgage.  Your mother was weak, but  I was smart.  I am a real businessman!  None of our family or friends are like me.  If only your mother would have let me buy more real estate.  She wanted to play it safe.  But if only...I would have been SO WEALTHY!"  And on and on  :blahblahblah:

I then calmly said to him:  "You are 92.  You live well and have more than you spend!  Why do you need more?"

He tried to argue that he wasn't wealthy, but that was futile, because I know the truth.  He often shows me his bank statements while bragging.  Then, he ignored me & continued ranting. 

This constant money obsession is madness!  I can't imagine being 92, and fuming over this.  You have more than enough, but you're mad at a person who has been dead for 15 years because you don't have EVEN MORE?  It's looney tunes.  :blink: :wacko:   
« Last Edit: May 11, 2018, 04:10:58 AM by WaitingForTheSun »

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Bloomie

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Re: Crazy Fantasies of Wealth/Power? The inner life of a PD....
« Reply #1 on: May 11, 2018, 11:46:01 AM »
WaitingForTheSun - The hunger for wealth is very sad to see in our elderly PD parents. At a season in life when things and money should be in their proper perspective it is particularly disconcerting to see and hear this obsession with wealth and attack on your mom for not going along with it all. I am just really sorry. Very ugly thing to see in a 92 year old person who has the advantage of a long life and many years to figure out what matters most and care about and for his family.  :upsidedown:

One of the uPD parents in my life was also hyper focused on amassing more wealth and another amassing more things and both determined to guard their $/things fiercely. They don't guard and protect their relationships one whit, but oh boy do they guard material type things.  Keeping endless records and having hours of grandiose conversation over their money or their things. Seem to be searching for more, bigger, better, best as a way of life to the extreme.

One of the uPD family members in my life has albums of images of two things almost exclusively...herself and her things. Not of her husband, children/grandchildren, friends, places she has been, pets, etc., :no: endless images of her "collections" and herself positioned just so, and then photographed.  :aaauuugh:
Bloomie 🌸

The reality is that you cannot have an emotionally mature reciprocal mutual adult relationship with someone who is not emotionally and psychologically an adult.

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all4peace

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Re: Crazy Fantasies of Wealth/Power? The inner life of a PD....
« Reply #2 on: May 11, 2018, 01:09:12 PM »
I have a sibling in the family business with my parents, so I've heard some rather horrifying tales about this. One parent unwilling to sell for many years because they felt it should be sold for twice as much (an exorbitant, unsupported number), demands for raises and bigger bonuses (the current bonuses are the amt that DH and I make together in a year), etc. Apparently it was never, ever enough. The comparisons and competition and nosiness about what others were earning was problematic.

My parents are wealthy. It makes me feel a little nauseous that they keep trying to get more, while letting their actual relationships decay. Until recently (I'm VLC) uNBPDm would still try to get everything she possibly could from me, things I would willingly offer she would take "as much" as she possibly could, as if coming from a place of deprivation, although she has never been deprived. It is gross to me.

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Hazy111

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Re: Crazy Fantasies of Wealth/Power? The inner life of a PD....
« Reply #3 on: May 11, 2018, 02:04:28 PM »
Yep, wealth, material possessions , indulging oneself.

Waiting for Sun - i have a 92 year old narc father . Money has been one of his passions too. Kept his own ledgers for years of family finances, which i realized was a subtle way of controlling my mothers expenditure. He gave her house keeping money. I think he had multiple bank accounts. He lives comfortably now and has given the odd gift of money, but always wants to do it in ostentatious way. Like its a formal ceremony and we should our gratitude and he can bask in the adulation. Says now he cant afford to do it. But ive never asked him for his money!

My mother when alive, never spent a penny on herself (part of her victim hood admittedly)  but it sure suited him. He never went without, on clothes etc, while my mother was in rags.

The way he spends it on food ("only the best, ") for himself and most of it is thrown away,unopened. Hes done it for years.I could never  understand it. My sister said it was immoral. I would ask over and over again, " Dad, why are you buying so much food when you dont eat it".

But back then i didnt understand the that it was part of the narc mindset. People would say , ohh it was probably because he grew up in a poor family and went without. He didnt.  This was a man i learnt when he was young single man , had dozens of pairs of shoes. 

When he was shopping for food, it was part of getting some ns. If he took a fancy to something while he was out he bought it, impulsively, because he deserved it, he was special. It made him feel good momentarily.  Chuck it in the fridge, never to be opened and forgotten about.

I had an ex  work colleague like this who i meet up with now and again. I think hes a narc too . With him its objects. I have seen him  buy  cars , motor bikes, cameras sun glasses etc, but he doesnt need them. He never really had the money to do it. Hes near retiring age, still has a mortgage  and just bought a classic impractical sports car. He was telling me a while back, he was at a school friends reunion meal and ordered the most expensive wine (knowing it would be split amongst them), which didnt go down well with the others, he laughed. It all fits, with another story.

He was visiting his father for his birthday, who was in a home and getting close to death. He said he had bought him a lovely leather jacket.  I thought it a strange gift for a man in his 90s, bed bound, who was close to death. Weeks later his father had died and  i met up with  him again and he was wearing a lovely new leather jacket.  :aaauuugh:


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WaitingForTheSun

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Re: Crazy Fantasies of Wealth/Power? The inner life of a PD....
« Reply #4 on: May 11, 2018, 07:57:03 PM »
WaitingForTheSun - The hunger for wealth is very sad to see in our elderly PD parents. At a season in life when things and money should be in their proper perspective it is particularly disconcerting to see and hear this obsession with wealth and attack on your mom for not going along with it all. I am just really sorry. Very ugly thing to see in a 92 year old person who has the advantage of a long life and many years to figure out what matters most and care about and for his family.  :upsidedown:

One of the uPD parents in my life was also hyper focused on amassing more wealth and another amassing more things and both determined to guard their $/things fiercely. They don't guard and protect their relationships one whit, but oh boy do they guard material type things.  Keeping endless records and having hours of grandiose conversation over their money or their things. Seem to be searching for more, bigger, better, best as a way of life to the extreme.

One of the uPD family members in my life has albums of images of two things almost exclusively...herself and her things. Not of her husband, children/grandchildren, friends, places she has been, pets, etc., :no: endless images of her "collections" and herself positioned just so, and then photographed.  :aaauuugh:

Yep, someone who obsesses over objects and things, while ignoring loved ones is bizarre to me.  :sadno:  It seems like PDs don't grow wiser as they age--they just get stranger, more obsessed, or more bitter.  My narc father went to the hospital some 5 months ago.  He said he barely pulled through (that's not exactly true).  When he left the hospital, he told me that he wants to live a much longer time, mainly "to be there for you and your brother."  :roll:  Now that he's feeling okay, my brother and I are either ignored or treated like supply/servants.  Yep....  :roll: 

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WaitingForTheSun

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Re: Crazy Fantasies of Wealth/Power? The inner life of a PD....
« Reply #5 on: May 11, 2018, 08:20:57 PM »
Yep, wealth, material possessions , indulging oneself.

Waiting for Sun - i have a 92 year old narc father . Money has been one of his passions too. Kept his own ledgers for years of family finances, which i realized was a subtle way of controlling my mothers expenditure. He gave her house keeping money. I think he had multiple bank accounts. He lives comfortably now and has given the odd gift of money, but always wants to do it in ostentatious way. Like its a formal ceremony and we should our gratitude and he can bask in the adulation. Says now he cant afford to do it. But ive never asked him for his money!

My mother when alive, never spent a penny on herself (part of her victim hood admittedly)  but it sure suited him. He never went without, on clothes etc, while my mother was in rags.

The way he spends it on food ("only the best, ") for himself and most of it is thrown away,unopened. Hes done it for years.I could never  understand it. My sister said it was immoral. I would ask over and over again, " Dad, why are you buying so much food when you dont eat it".

But back then i didnt understand the that it was part of the narc mindset. People would say , ohh it was probably because he grew up in a poor family and went without. He didnt. 


Yeah, my narc father is VERY controlling with his money, just like yours.  He kept track of every penny my poor mother spent, and would rant, if she spent too much.  Basically, she couldn't spend over $25 ever, I think!  As a result, my mother often went without, just to appease my father & not start fights.  Meanwhile, my father would spend hours gambling at casinos.  He would also take vacations by himself and go to nice places, while mom stayed home.  Of course, my father would say, "I MAKE all the money, so I deserve it ALL."  He treated my mom like a servant, and acted like us kids were robbing him by our existence!  It was so toxic. 

I was hoping narc father would mellow out as he grew older, but that never happened.  At 92, my father has switched to hounding my disabled brother.  While my brother receives SSI, the money is very low, and he runs out of funds by the 3rd week of the month.  So, my dad helps, but begrudgingly.  At my father's assisted living community, he will take fruit from the fruit basket for my brother.  :blink: :wacko:  Then, he'll buy my brother some milk, and maybe, old vegetables at the 99 Cents store.  Meanwhile, narc father lives luxe, and has every meal in the resident restaurant.  Yep.  :roll:

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JG65

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Re: Crazy Fantasies of Wealth/Power? The inner life of a PD....
« Reply #6 on: May 11, 2018, 11:15:05 PM »
My dNPD father always used his money to manipulate. He controlled my mother by controlling the money. He was happy to loan money, I think because he liked the power. He hid a large amount of money from my mother when they divorced and claimed it was a mistake. When my sibling asked him for money to file for bankruptcy, my father said, "Find a lawyer who will do it pro-bono." I loaned the money and I said don't worry about paying me back. My father claims he was misunderstood. He never said that to my sibling.

In business, he schemed with lots of illegal practices to make money and he did fairly well. The best thing I ever did was become financially self-sufficient.
Sooner or later everyone sits down to a banquet of consequences - Robert Louis Stevenson

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Lillith65

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Re: Crazy Fantasies of Wealth/Power? The inner life of a PD....
« Reply #7 on: May 12, 2018, 09:27:40 AM »
My late uNPDF was according to him the rightful (but disinherited) heir to a large local country estate and title. He came from a very ordinary background and the major achievement was that his Grandmother owned a hotel. My uBPD/GC sister still believes in the story and when we visited the estate she said to me ‘Its funny to think this is really ours isn’t it?’  :blink:

I once rang my F. and he didn’t recognise my voice. He was ill with cancer at the time and started telling me how he was getting private health care without paying for it because of the old boys’ network and was boasting about how he was fast tracked for surgery because the surgeon knew how powerful he (my F) was. He was very defensive when he realised it was me and not one of his friends who, I assume, he thought believed his fantastical tales.

My uAPDM confines herself to talking about when she wins the lottery. :doh:

My uBPDS portrays herself on social media as owning the large, expensive house they rent and dresses and behaves as if she is monied. They live month to month on her partner’s (admittedly large) paycheck, have no savings, no pension plan, and are regularly stony broke before the end of the month. Her partner’s eyesight is failing and he is getting older. He is classed as self employed and his job depends on his sight and the ability to be in tune with current trends. When he stops working or loses his job they will be completely dependent on the state - but apparently that is never going to happen. :upsidedown:

My niece (daughter of my uBPDS) has adopted a fake upper class accent, dresses in a very upper class way, reads Country Life and shops in high end stores. She has a part time retail job, pays no rent or bills and lives almost completely off her mother’s partner’s income - she is mid twenties.  Recently she was offered a fulltime job in the design department of a major car company but turned it down as it was beneath her as such a highly creative and skilled special someone. She graduated last year and has never had a fulltime job. She seems to be banking on meeting someone monied.  :stars:
« Last Edit: May 12, 2018, 09:34:01 AM by Lillith65 »

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Lillith65

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Re: Crazy Fantasies of Wealth/Power? The inner life of a PD....
« Reply #8 on: May 12, 2018, 09:49:55 AM »
My ex (NPD but covert) used to tell me that he was the best mathematician in his university department. The university in question is an international centre of excellence for mathematics with many staff from around the world arriving and leaving, many professors and a Field’s medallist (the equivalent of the Nobel prize in mathematics).

He was scathing about his colleagues and about eminent scientists in many fields calling them ‘jobbing mathematicians’ or if they weren’t mathematicians they were ‘failed mathematicians’.
He never made it past basic lecturer grade, hadn’t published anything for over 10 years (staff should be publishing several papers every year) and the last prize he won was a gold medal in the Maths Olympiad at 18. He had however made a major breakthrough in a notoriously difficult and niche area almost 20 years ago and there was no doubt that he did have a gift for mathematics - just not for reality.

He was constantly on the verge of a huge breakthrough and told me that he could solve several problems that there was a million dollar prize for solving - but couldn’t be bothered.

He was also astonishingly mean with money - apart from anything he wanted.

I am in therapy and working on my co-dependency having lived with him (and believing him!) for four years.
« Last Edit: May 12, 2018, 09:54:34 AM by Lillith65 »

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daughter

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Re: Crazy Fantasies of Wealth/Power? The inner life of a PD....
« Reply #9 on: May 12, 2018, 10:43:45 AM »
My formidable NBM has a grandiose view of herself and her self-defined superiority.  My GC "princess" nsis, our NBM's BFF mini-me, suffers from even greater pompous self-regard and sense of infallible superiority, where everything is defined as "the best", where nsis and NBIL engage in ultra-chic activities deemed "only for designated elite" (nsis' words), entertain themselves "with only most exclusive people" (ditto), and view themselves as "The Elites", with all the name-dropping, label-touting, and grandstanding showiness that Robb Report implies.

My obnoxious hyper-NBIL always had his cell-phone in-hand, barking orders to his underlings, "ripping them a new one" (nsis' words), or simpering to CEO, or flying in corporate jet from one high-profile destination to another.  NBIL was constantly demonstrating his High Flyer credentials to us, at every FOO Family event or Sunday dinner.  Per NBIL, nothing demonstrates your Corporate Big Fish status than a conference-call on Christmas Eve night during NBM's ceremonial Christmas present-opening ritual.  NBM and nsis glowed with reflected pride.  Me and DH, we wondered how "wonderful" this success can be if you've not a single moment of genuine family time absent your cell-phone, absent your barking into at underlings, absent tending the phone-leash to the CEO.  I called it "short man complex".  But yes, we were constantly sheep-dipped into this Wealth-Power stink, until we finally went NC.

   

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WaitingForTheSun

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Re: Crazy Fantasies of Wealth/Power? The inner life of a PD....
« Reply #10 on: May 13, 2018, 06:32:04 AM »
My ex (NPD but covert) used to tell me that he was the best mathematician in his university department. The university in question is an international centre of excellence for mathematics with many staff from around the world arriving and leaving, many professors and a Field’s medallist (the equivalent of the Nobel prize in mathematics).

He was scathing about his colleagues and about eminent scientists in many fields calling them ‘jobbing mathematicians’ or if they weren’t mathematicians they were ‘failed mathematicians’.
He never made it past basic lecturer grade, hadn’t published anything for over 10 years (staff should be publishing several papers every year) and the last prize he won was a gold medal in the Maths Olympiad at 18. He had however made a major breakthrough in a notoriously difficult and niche area almost 20 years ago and there was no doubt that he did have a gift for mathematics - just not for reality.

He was constantly on the verge of a huge breakthrough and told me that he could solve several problems that there was a million dollar prize for solving - but couldn’t be bothered.

He was also astonishingly mean with money - apart from anything he wanted.

I am in therapy and working on my co-dependency having lived with him (and believing him!) for four years.

Sounds a little like my ex.  He had a bit of a complex about "making it."  He always could-a, would-a, should-a, BUT someone or something was standing in his way.  It took me years to figure out he was standing in his own way.  :doh:  He had blocks. His mother & sister were both malignant narcs & he had MAJOR fleas, unfortunately.  So, he acted like a narc, but in actuality, wasn't a narc.  For instance, he was kind, especially with animals.  He loved to rescue strays & bring them home & take care of them.  He had a soft spot for anyone who was bulled at work & would immediately come to their defense.  I think he just has PTSD from years of abuse from his family.  He was the family scapegoat.  I thought therapy would work for him, but he refused to go and never changed.  So, I was the one who went.  It's too bad.... :sadno: 

I'm the same way with relationships.  I sometimes act like my enabling mother & pick people to date or be around who are like the dramatic narcs that I grew up around.  Yep.  :sadno:   But, I decided to break that cycle by breaking up with my ex and being alone for awhile.  It's been very peaceful for once in my life!   

Here's to our (eventual) recovery!   :bigwink:   :hug:

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Lillith65

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Re: Crazy Fantasies of Wealth/Power? The inner life of a PD....
« Reply #11 on: May 13, 2018, 07:49:58 AM »
I’ve decided to be on my own for a while too and am trying to recover.

Strange, my ex loved our cat (and cats in general) and could spend a long time talking about her wellbeing and needs while I was either ignored or abused.

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WaitingForTheSun

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Re: Crazy Fantasies of Wealth/Power? The inner life of a PD....
« Reply #12 on: May 17, 2018, 12:27:05 AM »
I’ve decided to be on my own for a while too and am trying to recover.

Strange, my ex loved our cat (and cats in general) and could spend a long time talking about her wellbeing and needs while I was either ignored or abused.

Funny.  Narcs are all over the place when it comes to pets.  Did your ex look after the cat in front of you?  My ex would do that when we were fighting. Then, he would go to either our dog or cat & say things like, "oh, fluffy, you're the ONLY ONE who really understands!"  Sniff.... :bawl:  Some narcs use their animals to manipulate their targets (*you*).  Or, they see their animals as narc supply that can never talk back.     

My father, whom I consider a very strong narc, loved the cat, too.  Rather, he loved the narc supply (the kitty adored us all).  But, once the cat became sick & needed some care (Oh, NO, that costs money!!), he said, "Nope, just put her down."  Just like that.  It's almost as if the cat was just a toy.  Once the toy is useless, put her down.  :sadno:  I think people are the same to my father.  Once they outlive their usefulness, toss them aside. 

I guess if there is a narc scale, my ex would be a 4, but my father would be a full 10.     

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Lillith65

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Re: Crazy Fantasies of Wealth/Power? The inner life of a PD....
« Reply #13 on: May 17, 2018, 04:13:17 AM »
Quote
once the cat became sick & needed some care (Oh, NO, that costs money!!), he said, "Nope, just put her down."  Just like that.  It's almost as if the cat was just a toy.  Once the toy is useless, put her down.

When I left my ex he told me that he was going to have our cat put down. He even rang the vet who told him that he wouldn’t put a healthy animal down. She now lives with me  8-)